icybluez

my engagement

2009-04-05T13:35:00.005+08:00

hey there pple... its been soooo long since i blog huh... hmm... thousand of apologies.... hmm.. juz wanna update u all abt wat had happen recently...
have been reali bz wif werk... even on sundays for my patient's active dae and stuff...
hmm... got engaged last 2weeks... on 15th on March 2009...
thanks for all who helped out and my dear ones who attended...
here are some pics...
can't blog long... rushing to hosp later... gtg pple....
enjoy the pics... love u all....

2009-02-08T23:53:00.004+08:00

hello there pple...

is it too late to wish ya all hapi new yr...

aniwaes i apologise for the long construction of my blog...

and been reali long since i update...

millions of apologies...

aniwaes... let me update aite...

met up wif my dear poly frenz... on 31st dec... had dinner at fish and co. thanks to the planner, yue ning, it was a end of yr celebration, cum christmas celenbrations... there were exchanging of gifts too.. but stupid me i got the wrong idea... did not noe tat i was suppose to be bringing 1 present for sumone.. will be drawing lots there and den... got everything wrong... so i was out of this exchanging gifts tingy... haiz,.. but nevertheless, i got everyone presents.. haha... den during the quiet dinner, broke the news to them tat i am getting engaged.. haha... i guess the news was out at a reali nice time.. haha.. all were shocked.. loved the faces on each and everyone's faces.. haha.. aniwaes endedn the dae wif fotos.. will post it later..

but all in all its been reali reali long since we all met up... as in all of us.. even at the dinner some were juz unable to make it.. werk commitment.. understand understood.. being wif them juz reminds me of the good old time back in poly daes... oh gosh.. though at tat point of time we all juz cannot bear the stress of all the subjects and projects, i reali miz the fun we had as a group... we managed to put the stress aside at the end of the dae and juz be crazy pple.. smiles and laughter.. the medicine to most illness... (but in this case id medicine to stress..hehe)

food.... hehe

us....

a shot by jo.. us dinner-ing

my children and frenz..

the gals.. bullying my daughter.. (adorable tat's y hehe)

tat's the hapi memories.......
now he stressing part...

my werk... not the patients actually, but the staff...

i have honestly hated foreign talents... but no matter wat u say i can nvr like them... i am sori if my saying and decision of hating hurts anione.... the truth remains the truth...

i am dealing wif sooooooo many FT at my werk place... all are always speaking their own language.... not bothering the pple ard them... and wen the pple atrd them happens to be me... i totlly get pissed off but i ignore... sori to say but ur english is super bad.. use it more often coz we collegues can 'edit' ur english... if u insist spreaking ur own language... no matter how long u are in singapore, ur english will NEVER improve... it sucks......

after 1 yr plus being in the werking environment wif FT, i realise tat u pple are sooo mad abt status and rank..... plz la.... if u suckz, the word sucks will be foreva be wif u.... change and improve urself... do not juz win ur way wif the nurse manager... u have to be skillful in wat u do in order to get the rank... not by juz sweet talking... and if idiotics listen to u and follow, almost all of u are idiotics..... reali apologise if i hurt anyone along my entry... lies after lies are being told.... and u FT are sooooo smart in covering ur ur stinky shit!!! own up ur own piece of crap tat u created...

and thanks to SOME PPLE... u are useless... know nothing.... yet ARROGANT.... do not use ur rank and power u have to tell pple off... wat eva u say muz make sense first... and if u decided to scold pple, plz have reasons y it should be done ur way.... rationale plz.... i hate pple who are good at saying things wifout rationale... pple who are in no right mind are also good at saying things... so are u one of them?? hmm...... think....

niwaes... clock is ticking.. and now is 12:30am.... me werking morning shift later... waking up at 4:45am.... better get some rest now... see ya ard pple.... nitez...

guys too ego?

2008-12-16T00:02:00.003+08:00

Dearest diary,

suddenly i juz wonder why do pple change... i mean change silently...
one moment you show ur love, care and concern... the next momnet, suddenly u dun bother to contact... both gals and guys do act like tis at times... i dun like it if u keep it all to urself...
let it out and discuss things.... it happened to me many2 times... but today is mainly on my cuz bf.....

why do guys have sooo much ego? all humans have ego, but plz dun show it too much... at times you have to control... if humans have ego...... humans also can give and take... if you are a guy and have too much ego... plz tell me tat guys are humans too.... so at the least you can do is to give and take... discussions and understanding is reali2 important is a relationship... no matter how much u love the person... if u dun understand and cannot discuss tings wif each other, tings will usually be reali messy... and the last ting u wanna do is to break up over small matters u can discuss... if u are matured enough to fall in love, den plz be matured enough to discuss tings... stop being egoistic and childish...

to my dearest cuz... plz.. dun be too sad abt tis.. hopefully he has a very good reason for being soo quiet... patience is all u need... i noe it is hard after almost 3yrs together... but things happen for a reason... mayb there is sumting GOD wants to show to u abt him... juz wait... and in case u are so tension and need to release it, u can alwayz ask me out despite my bz and stoopid schedule... haha... i will make time for my dear cuz.... hehe..

hmm... gtg and sleep now... its abt 2am now.. werking tomorrow.. hehe... take carez pple...

at the verge of giving up

2008-12-02T22:23:00.002+08:00

here i am crying again.....
werk sucks soooooo much...
i have been giving in a lot.... but no one sees.....
i am still a human... i have feelings....
i dun noe what i have done wrong... y are u all looking for my faults......
i dun wan to give in to u all.... i dun wan to give up!!!!
but there are limitations to what u all can do!!!!
i hate u all.......................

241108

2008-11-24T13:27:00.002+08:00

helo there pple.. i am back.. hehe... i am on leave now... erm actually since last thursdae... till tis wed... and guess wat...... i have no plans..... so ya... either plan to go out on tat day itself or sit at home and clean..... oh well... my original plan was cancelled.. so ya.. i have not plan aniting yet... haha...

hmm.. sent my sis off to cambodia for annual meeting with CC last friday morning.. at abt 6 am we reached the airport... was supposed to leave wif her but i cancelled last minute due to some issues... regreted it but i cannot un-do was has been done... oh well..

after sending my sis, my whole family including my aunt sent my youngest sis for blood testing at SGH den all of us went for breakfast nearby.,... at the railway station area.... den all of us headed for mustafa..hehe... by noon time we all had to leave as my dad had to perform his friday prayers... reached home... went out to whitesands wif younger sis for a while... she had to get sumting.. den we all went home... all were sleeping.. tat includes my younger sis.. everybody were sleeping.. well i also wanted to sleep coz i woke up abt 4 in the morning alreadi... but den i saw tat the rooms were so messy... decided to clean the 2 rooms and hall... haha...

gtg now pple.. gg out oreadi... haha.. take carez updates soon...

updates....

2008-11-14T12:24:00.002+08:00

hey there people.... been 1mth 1 wk since i update... been reali bz lately... and the weather not helping... so falling sick on and off... first was asthma attack wen moving house tat dae... oh ya me staying wif my aunt temporarily... coz my old house has been sold... new house the owner have yet to move out... so me wif aunt now.. den my tooct ache was getting from bad to worse to worst....... the pain is killing me... i was gg to extract it as i am unable to bear the pain animore... but it was not possible to be done wif the pain still present..... was given antibiotic and strong pain killer.... 1week of giddyness..... 1 ting i hate abt pain killers... make me so drowsy.. fever on and off due to the toothache... wen the pain gone i felt so much better... haha

after the asthma... abt 2 and 1/2 week later i was down wif flu... and high fever.... did not dare to take mc again coz i juz took it 4 my asthma.... still went to werk.... till the particular dae i was super weak.... my bf daddy sent me back wif him ard... haha.. his daddy kol him to coe down and sent me back.. i was reali reali touched... was weak for the next few daes... fever came down the next 2 days.... still slightly weak.. and another illness came and attack me.... sore throat and cough..... this i was weak back.... took mc for 1 day.. lost my voice totally tat dae... haiz... den this sore throat lasted abt 4 or 5 days... haiz... now i am back to my normal self... too many medicine in my body now... haiz....

i honestly honestly miss skool life... werk life is such a pain to my heart..... the only ting i am looking foward is to meet my patients and making them smile... its a long story... will update again... take carez pple...

updates

2008-10-07T11:46:00.002+08:00

hey there pple...

its been 1mth plus since i update.. haha... been reali long huh... well no internet connection and no comp... hmm.... now i have both,... haha...

1mth of fasting came and left... will miss it... hmm... the whole month was such a sweet one.. well.. even though i was separated from my patients in bedok for about 3weeks... i kinda enjoy the whole month... meeting new patients, going out wif him.. haha...

went out one dae to get my hari raya baju.. hehe.. oh well... he got for me.. haha... and his brother got for me scarf... and his parents got me a bag... haha... the best i got was shocked... haha...

i was on leave 1week before hari raya... but in total was 11 days... coz it includes sun and off day and PH on 1st oct.. haha... so now wen i started back werk on the 3rd of oct... werk was a pile man..... oh as a matter of fact it was not supposed to be my werk... but the in charge does not want to do it... and i am the assistant... so it is my werk now.... and guess wat.., i was given only 1 and a half day to complete.... i have to submit by 5th... so i was doing it like mad... till my manager decides to disturb me calling me non stop.... irritating.... oh well wateva.. i had to stay back till abt 6plus... and its like hari raya... haiz....

niwaes... first raya went visiting to my grandparents late as my elder sis werking.... and went to my uncle house as he is leaving for australia tat nite to stay wif his daughter and son-in-law for 2 mths... haha...den we headed for home... haha...

2nd day raya.. went out late as well as pple werking oso... went to abt 3 houses... and home again... 3rd day same... went out late... went to abt 3 houses oso... and 4th day went to 4 houses..... and tat is it for us tis yr.... to whose eva house we did not reach i am sori.. no time as we are shifting... so ya.. hehe..

on Sunday, 5th of oct... his family came over to my house to for raya... we cooked laksa... hehe.... me did the serving... preparation... hehe... but was shaking... hehe... the were all toking and chatting... and me bz preparing..serving and washing... hehe... well.... basically i am like damn nervous... while they were eating, i made tea for everyone... and guess wat... wen i was coming out of the kitchen, i heard them toking abt engagement... marriage.. and fate... haha... my hands were shaking holding the teapot.... hhaahahaa..

hmm,.... the following day... on monday tat is, i went out visiting wif him... haha... we went out late as no one at home if we go as pple werking.. hha.. den first house was my grandparents... and got stuck there for abt 1hr plus... u pple should noe y.. haha... den went to my brother's house... and stuck there as well... but everything tat he said made me shed a tear.. but i am crying hard inside my heart.... he is juz sooo sweet and caring... oh well... i used to sit at the beach or over coffee juz to cry and tell him my prob... so he is juz giving my bf some info abt me tat my bf should noe.. haha... aniwaes... he gave my bf tons of advise... thanks abg... hmm.. den we went to his aunt house.. den pick his daddy up from dialysis.. and to his other aunts house.. we did not manage to go a lot.. most prob we will be gg out again.. well.. tat depends lah... hopefully both of us are free... hehe..

hmm.. i gtg and get ready not pple... late for werk oreadi.. hehe.... take carez pple....

i love you

2008-08-27T16:00:00.002+08:00

hey there people.... its been a reali reali long time since i blogged... i have been reali bz wif werk... oh and not forgetting courses as well..... hmm.. juz a general update....

me still in NKF.. as a staff nurse tat is... hmm.. going to be 1 yr into the service... werk has been great wif the patients and staff.. not all but majority are fun to werk wif... hmm... my ex- mentor, has recently joined us back after a tedious 8 mth course... haha... reali hope tat she pass all her subjects...

hmm.. about my social life.. hmm.. me been attached... life wif him is fun... and he is like sooo romantic.. haha... hmm.... after we went official, he came over to my house to seek permission from my parents to bring me out dating, at the same time seek for their blessings... den tat dae itself after he met my parents, we went out... after tat whole night walking and chatting and having a cup of coffee together, he gave me a present. well i had one for him too.. hehe... i was juz shocked and stunned wif wat he gave me... it was super sweet of him... he had a bouquet of roses and when giving me the present and flowers, he played a romantic song in his car.... all i could do was to smile and looked him in the eyes and say thank you so much...

he looked me in the eyes and said i love you.... the best gift ever... hehe... the whole journey back i was juz blushing and blushing... hehe... hmm.. tis coming saturday its going to be my turn to meet his parents... oh but as a matter of fact i am meeting the whole of his relatives!! argh... kinda of panic... but trying to remain clm as much as possible... hehe.... hope that wif him ard i will be more calm... hehehe

hmm.. i am hoping and praying that tis realtionship will reali last as i reali love him... hmm... guess enough abt him.. hehehe...

oh ya one more thing, i am moving house soon.... reali soon... by the middle of october i will be out of that house... and to some pple.... plz juz don't look for us... plz.....

oh well... gtg now... running late to meet my mum... getting her sumting.... hehe... take carez pple..... will update soon...

the past 3 weeks.....

2008-07-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

WORK..WORk..WOrk..Work..work........
past few weeks..been bz wif work... lots of changes made by the comittee of nursing... argh... how i hate changes... i feel that they are very good wif implementing new rules and regulations..... no doubt that there are reasons for the changes... but i guess they 4got the fact that the changes have yet been tried out... but implemented immediately... some changes are juz not making sense... do not implement things base theory... it has to be PRACTICAL.... do not implement and make us suffer... more nonsense to be done... argh...

aniwaes.. enuf of werk... lots of things happened during these weeks.. juz in summary.....

met up wif my bro to celebrate his son's bdae... so cute... 1yr old.. haha... den apparently his elder bro is getting engaged on tat dae... so he asked me if i had any plans in the evening.. i did not noe wat he wanted me to do but i said no plans at all... he den told me to accompany his and his relatievs to his bro's galfren's house to ask for hand in hand to get his bro engaged to the gal.. exchanging of rings.. haha.. i was reali not comfortable as there were lots of pple i dun noe... haha.. he wanted me to get the experience of this engagement tingy coz i will be going thru it one day.. haha...

early this month, accompanied my mum for a scan... den back for check up and scan results 2 weeks later... well.. had to go thru a procedure in the day surgery... waited for the procedure for abt 5hours.. fell asleep for a short while... as we were there since 7.30am......aniwaes... accompanied her post op... waited for discharge summary and meds.. and left for branch... after eating our branch.. took a cab home.. mum not feeling well oreadi..

coincidently on that dae was my best fren's bdae... had to miss the whole party... wat to do... my mum and family comes first on all the list... sori my dear...

tat friday we had a family gathering and prayers at my aunt's house... den after having dinner there, we cuzins (9 of us) went out to have an 'outing' together as my 2 cuzins will be leaving for australia again soon.. first plan was to catch a movie.. but the 2 australians wanted to enjoy the night breeze at the beach... well... accompanied them.. at the beach, there changed their mind, and decided to go to the arcade instead... walked back to the arcade... they had fun there, whereas me, and my other cuzin sat outside, had a drink and chat... the conversation went on and on... i learnt a lot from him... thx mr Q... den we all left for home at abt 12.30am...... luckily my mum did not call us sister yet... haha

den saturday had an invitation to my fren's solemnisation... could not atent due to werk... was on pm shift... no way i could attend it.. haiz... sacrifises made in life... aniwaes... sunday met up wif my ex collegues from past werk place... went window shopping, lunch and more shopping... haha...

monday was youth day... went out wif sisters for a movie after werk... brought the 2 young gals out... holidays should be fun... so ya.. night movie... met up at cathay.. e\lder sis was shouting at me for being late... thanks to my 2 younger sis... i got the scolding.. in public.. eyes filled wif tears as embarrasement was all ard me... pple looking... argh... idiotic sis... aniwaes.. we watched 'get smart'... funny story...

tuesday outing wif cuzin... and luckily i do not have any heart problems... she told me a shocking news... reali shocking... even if u told me tat u have a bf... i will be kinda of shocked... i tot u still wif the previous one... but now... news abt MARRIAGE!?!?!?!?!? i dun noe how shocking it could be lah.. but congrats to u...

hmm.. guess summary should end here.. logging off now... signing on to my dream land soon... shall update soon aite.. nitez pple...

2008-06-18T22:29:00.002+08:00

i wan to give up....
give up of waiting and hoping...
i waited in silence...
not knowing it is killing me silently

please mr lovable......
i wanna u out of my life....
everytime i wanna forget u... tings sound and look better....
please!!!!!!!!

i give up....

2008-06-01T23:47:00.003+08:00

hey there people... how have you been? hope u guyz are great... niwaes... tis week is a week of love for 2 of my dears... its a week where they say "I DO"..... 2 words... but its definitely not easy especially saying it in front of lots of pple..... haha.. my dear fren christina... and her hubby kelvin... tied a knot of marriage on the 31st of may..... while my dearest so call aunt tied hers on 1st june.... she is like my cuzin... coz she is only 22yrs old.. dun like calling her aunt.. haha... sound so old.. niwaes... congratz to the both of them... kak wahidah... u look fantastic today at the reception....

now that there is a major wedding in onr family... all are asking my mum wen willl she get a son-in-law.... my elder sis will look at me and i will look at her... haha.. like wat?!?!?!?!? haha wateva aunties.... my grandma and uncle already gave me a personla counselling on how to choose a boyfren... which will sooner or later be my husband..... long lectures... haha... i was like "oh ok.." "ya... i noe" "ok ok..." argh... i mean i have yet been in a relationship in tis 21 yrs of being alife... i have never had one proper one.... i realise tat all the guys i liek kinda uses me... taking advantage of my 'kindness'.... as far as i can remember... on my list are 5 sucky ones.... recently one idiotic one... he told me he loves me and tat normal lovey lovey phrases... but i can nvr trust his words... i nvr once said i love him back... i wun... and he hated me for tat.... he is mad at me now... and guess wat... i dun care.. guys like you are smart in using ur sweet words.... i wun fall in ur trap... and aniwaes,... ur trap is full of shit......

oh well.. i have been waiting and waiting for my mr lovable to make a move.... i have rejected love coming along the way coz of my lovable... but i am hurt by my mr lovable.... recently u are not the mr lovable i know yrs ago... u have changed.... i dislike the new mr lovable... i miz the old one though.... i can reali feel u changing... i dun understand... mayb u found ur miss lovable... plz GOD.... show me the pavement that is lighted with true love....... shiw me that mr lovable is not the one for me...

i have made up my mind.... i am going to forget my mr lovable... i wanna have a new life... a new chapter about true love... with sumone who loves me truely... though i am still looking for my MR RIGHT... i rather wait for MR RIGHT den be hurt and used by u, mr lovable... i wonder wat is the fate of my love life.... i leave everything to GOD to decide for me... but for the mean time... i will have to learn how to forget u... its not easy.... damn it... but i have to do it....

take carez pple... wun hear from me soon i guess... will be bz... see ya ard..

sucky staff

2008-05-09T21:52:00.005+08:00

argh!!! 09/05/08...... such a sucky dae....

first ting in the morning... was late for work.. well.. for my course actually... at HQ... cannot affort to take a cab from tamp to kim keat.. so took the mrt to lavender... took cab from there... reach about 10minutes late... had exams todae.. exams was commencing at 0920hrs... made it on time.. but was late lah... aniwaes.. the assistant director of nursing spoke to me and the other 2 gals... apparently some pple told some pple tat the 3 of us are always late for classes... like wateva... haiz.. exams was ok... theory part kinda sucks.. haha...

after exams.. had some discussions with the lecturers... before leaving for lunch. tok to my NM for a while.. apparently she told me tat sumone kept some grudges abt me... she claims tat i eva said sumting in the wrong tone.. and it hurt tat particular person...

this staff of mine has alwayz been rude to me... she nvr respects me as an RN... nvr regard me as an in charge wen i am... tis is the difficult ting being of a higher status and new both at the same time... she is actually a HCA.. me RN.. after abt 1mth i joined, she got the promotion as a EN.... but most of them was complaining tat she does not deserve the position as she cannot carry out duties of tat position well... i even heard tat my NM wanted to demote her... becoz of the mistake she did b4... but no one was as cruel as they said.. she remained in tat position and nvr got demoted... she is very selfish.. does not like to help out... very very calculative in her werk... she claims tat she does not like the way i approached her once.. and she got hurt.... i dun remember being so harsh to anione at werk... i alwayz laugh and smile even if i wanted to 'scold' them.. for their mistakes... my other RN had been way more harsh to the other staff there... but she does not seem to have ani probs wif anione except me.... y?? juz becoz i am new... i cannot point out their mistakes? wat nonsense.....

after i heard tis story from my NM, i was kinda affected.. but i dun wan to bother so much... my NM told me to treat her more nicely, soft approach.... i was like??!!??? have i been harsh? i alwayz approach everyone nicely... nvr mind.. i still told myself to calm down.. juz give it a try lah ok... came to werk juz now after luch at abt 3... during the passing over of the shift, she voiced out about my cubicle tat i was in charged in... but nvr mention my name.. she juz said.. "cubicle 1 can u plz finish preparing the blood tubes? plz la.. i haven checked other cubicles also... can hurry up and complete the tubes? bla bla bla bla bla........ she nagged and nagged wif an angry tone...." tat point of time... she got onto my nerves... i dun give a shit abt wat my NM told me abt the soft approach tingy... did she approach me in a nice way? no!!!! den to hell wif her........ i was in HQ tis whole week.... how the heck am i suppose to complete tat last 2 patients of mine!!???!!?!?!?!?!? bloody hell tis women.... don't tell me tat u werk there longer means u noe more.... tat rule does not apply to u definitely.... mayb to others... but NOT u!!!!! she is trying to act like one big bloody person... wen hello?? i am more of a higher position here... i am not boosting but plz.. give me some respect... i was putting on a black face all the way... regreted coming back to werk... i had enough tings gg on in my head... dun need pple like u to make it worst.... i was like reali mad juz now on how she approached me... i am a person who do not like to scold, do not like to confront... and wen i am not happy or mad at sumone... i will let all tat is out by crying.,.. it feels so much better... its like letting off the burden on my chest.... tat's me.. if u tink its immuture or wat so eva... keep the comments to urself... tat is juz plain me.. period.

my staff saw me crying and my red teary eyes obviously... they themself tink tat she had a rude approach... i even gave one of my patient IV medication wif tears rolling down... i am juz so sooo sad tat pple are treating me tis way... sad is not the rite word actually... its more den tat... argh!!!!!!!! y can't humans juz be nice????? y muz there be grudges? y muz there be pple like her? werking wif monkeys are way much better den werking wif her..... damn..... i am bloody frustated...................................................................

i refuse to tok to her animore....... only wen necessary or important.... plz get transfered out ASAP!!!!!! den i will have a celebration..... idiot you......

i am sori pple coz my blog today is full of bad words... i cannot help it but to let everything out here... i wanna punch sumting or sumone in the face.... but guess tis is the best choice.... take carez pple.. will blog again soon... nitez.....

08/05/08

2008-05-08T12:41:00.002+08:00

helo there guys... how are u pple... how life's great for u all.. niwaes.. i have a lot of tings to blog actually.... lotz and lotz of tings in my heart and head............ been bz last few daes.... todae at last able to blog it all out

sometimes i juz hate wat pple tells me... coz i will tink abt wat was said.. and keep tinking abt it... esp my sis.... its abt my Mr Lovable... my sis told me... maybe he noes tat i like him... and he is not making any move becoz he is JUZ NOT into me... well... i have been tinking abt wat she had said..

mayb it is true... its been 2 yrs now since i noe Mr Lovable... after the first few months i noe him.. i kinda like him.. but i told myself.. "NO"... coz i have yet to noe his heart... i need to noe more abt him... we were close frenz... from daily sms'ing each other.... to calling each other everydae... my feelings for him grew even more mid last yr... i felt like we were so close to each other yet far.... we talk to each other everynite... oh well.. almost everynite... sometimes i fell asleep already... sometimes he outside wif his frenz... but tat almost everydae conversation is juz soo sweet.. sometimes we have noting to tok abt... but yet we will have tat silence.. haha.. mayb not tat silent... coz he will sing... all tis simple tings juz makes my dae.... it ends my nite wif a smile... sleeping wif a smile... having sweet dreamz... juz so sweet... for me tat is.. i dun noe abt others... oh well.. the feeling for him grew sooooooooo much... tat i juz canot help it but smile most of the time..

but late last yr... there was abt a month tat he did not call me... he seems bz... sometimes my msges are hard for him to reply... was wondering y... went he contacted me back.. i realised tat he had a companion in his life... now i understood the short silence from him... told him not to contact me animore... did not want his gf to tink otherwise abt me and him... he ignored wat i told him.. and contacted me even more... weird... but true..... by the end of the yr... abt 1 or 2 months after tat.. he broke up wif his materialistic galfren.... i hated her for using him... i hated her for the fact tat she goth the chance to be wif him but juz BLEW it away... gosh.... aniwaes....

we became close back.... and i started forgetting the fact tat my heart was broken once... as usual... tat's y we are call gals..... aniwaes.. tat feeling came back now... wifout anione getting into the way... i hope... i badly want to noe wat is in his heart... many a times pple told me to ask him... but i dun wan... i dun wan tings to get worst...

till todae i am struggling wif this heart... dun wan it to melt so fast... i reali need to noe wat is in his heart.... but after wat my sis told me... mayb it is true.. if he liked me... he would have made a move by now at the very least... oh well...... i guess its juz part of my life.... yet to find success in the word LOVE...

i am at the verge of giving up... i dun noe wat is going to happen nor do i wan to noe.... i guess i shall be juz frenz... i did my best for my heart... i did a lot for him... but he have yet to wake up and start moving... its ok... i shall be by his side till he wakes up...

i have to go now... late for my driving.... shall blog again son.... take carez pple....

back after almost a month...

2008-04-22T23:22:00.007+08:00

hey there pple...
back after abt a month heh.... been busy wif werk... doing shift werk tat is y timing is reali bad... i guess i will not be blogging for a long time to come coz of my bz schedule i see for the next 1month plus... bz dae starts tomorrow....

morning at HQ for course... den back to werk... the next dae morning shift... haiz... i be at HQ on mondays afternoon after werk... wednesdays and fridays morning.... b4 gg to werk in the afternoon... 2 courses crashing at the same period... tis is wat happens... haiz...

aniwaes.. got to chat wif my dear fren over at sydney juz now... well i was off juz now.. tat is y i could manage to go online... well... i miz both of them lotz... terubat rindu kejap tadi.. haha.. well... told her abt another of our fren's wedding tis comin may.. haha.. the conversation we had was super funny... i am a grandma gom... haha.. at age 21 yrs huh... aniwaes... only some of u noes abt tis goms tingy... haha... u should noe wat i am toking abt... oh well.. could not chat long.. as they did not have enough sleep the day b4 tat due to assignments.. so.. we ended there..

toking abt weddings... here are some of my dear buddy's wedding foto... they look so sweet... did not go to her wedding... due to some reasons... haha... niwaes.. she is going to be a mummy soon.. :)cannot wait to see her baby prince...

oh well... how sweet.. hmm.. gtg now... but b4 tat.. juz want to end tis post wif tis few lyrics... translated to english.... take carez pple....

"can the insulted be loved?"
"can the dark be lighted?"
"can the hate be cared and loved for?"
"can the liar be forgiven?"
"can my heart be understood?"

30/03/2008

2008-03-30T13:16:00.002+08:00

hi all... how's werking life for all my frenz? muz be hard.... i mean we alwayz wanted to get out of schooling life sooo much wen we were back in poly lifes... we hated school.... it was st5ressing and full of rules and regulations..... the only fun thing abt school i remember back den was being with my buddies... skipping lectures.. (not alwayz... haha) eating snacks in lecture halls... staying back in school till late at nite... being ard them was juz so fun... they juz puts a smile on me and made me forget my probs...

and now... after being out of poly lifes and being the the working force... i miz all tat times a lot... i kinda of miz doing projects wif my buddies... slacking in school esp the computer lab... kinda of weird but i reali miz the fun and cool times we spent together.....

i have alwayz wonder why pple dislikes wering life tat much.... but now i realise why they dislike it a lot... its becoz of our collegues... sometimes they are juz reali mean pple... they see our slightest mistakes... and make it into a major issue..... but their major mistakes... we will have a tok abt it.... i hate 'her' a lot.... becoz of 'her'... 'her' big mouth... 'her' idioticness.... 'her' unfriendly attitude...'her' bossyness... 'her' aggrogance.... everything at 'her' i hate. period. i dun give a damn.........

niwaes... let's get out of 'her' topic... hmm.. i noe it hurts to actually be rejected from love... i have been thru it many many times... countless actually... niwaes... my point is now i am being put in a position tat has to reject.... and i dun noe how to do it.... its not tat i dun like him or anything... but its juz tat i dun see myself wif him in the near future.. or mayb in the future at all... i basically dun like his attitude... his rudeness... but at the bottom of it all.. he has a nice heart.. no doubt abt tat... oh well... i saw tat in him... but i juz cannot accept everything else abt him... i am not gg to mention it all in here.. but only GOD noes y i juz cannot accept him... if i were to tell u pple the reasons u all will probably not accept him too... oh well... may GOD protect him and his family... and i am sure GOD has better plans for him.....

in the mean time... i have a confession to make... i love my MR LOVABLE.... i reali do... i dun noe if he has the same feelings abt me but i do love him for sure.. :) may there be good things planned ahead for the both of us... i reali hope.... :)
love u lots MR LOVABLE....

aite take carez pple.... my sis wanna us the comp as usual... irritating... haiz... byez....

Bdae surprises

2008-03-16T14:58:00.000+08:00

1st person to wish me after it struck 12 midnight.. My elder sis.. Next.. My dear mr prince charming... Thx ya.. Had power nasi lemak 4 my collegues.. Packed 4 prince and fren..
den at nite.. We tok as usual.. Till late at nite... Haha.. Den tat sun went out for dinner wif my ex collegues from expo.. Gave me a bdae prezzie.. Watched movie.. Leap yrs!!! Yeah... Nice... Snap pics wif them.. Love it lotz..

tat nite my prince charming called to meet.. He had a delivery 4 me.. Aww.. Haha.. Den went down.. Sat and chat.. He had a stick.. We chatted till my mum msg 4 me to go hm immediately.. Coz late.. But i still continued chatting.. Haha.. Wen it was time 4 him to leave.. He pass me the gift... Watched him ride off.. And his face... Argh.. Juz can't get the smile off my face.....

hmm.. Opened the gift.. It was a bear.. So cute.. God noes how i love bears..... And suddenly i noticed sumting shiny at the hand of the bear... It was a sweet lovely necklace... Gosh... I was shocked.. Surprised.. Hapi...

bear... Necklace.. Ur smile.. All tat i love...thx lotz mr prince charming... :)

tired........

2008-02-27T18:21:00.002+08:00

haiz..... sori for starting tis post wif a sigh.... can't help it but reali reali tired.... till now i am down wif fever and bad sore throat and runny nose..........

been at werk since 6.30 am... and back home at abt 11.30pm... accompanied him at hosp... straight after werk... go straight to sgh... till 10 plus or 11.... take a cab back home.... i noe it cost a lot... but he is all alone in the ward.... in an isolation ward.... so i accompanied him.... visited him on monday after werk... brought him dinner.... he ate and we slack in the room watching TV... laughing and laughing.. haha... he asked me help him cut his nails coz his left hand pain... right hand had a I/V plug.... den later he complained of bad headache... massage his head....

2nd day... tuesday after werk.. which is yesterday... went down and visit him again.... was in his room wif him watching tv again.... bought his snacks.... ate together... his mum came... only for abt ten minutes as she said tat she dun have to be there coz i am there to accompany him... hahahaha.... den we slack again... he fell asleep wen i was massaging his head..... haha.... watched him sleep.. so funny.. niwaes... the nurse den came in to infuse him with antibiotic..... he woke up and a few minutes later the potter came in and brought him to do DX.... den during that 2 hours in the DX room, we both were laughing and laughing coz we were watching tis particular tv show... i guess i had fun hanging out wif him... den we went back to the ward... back into his isolation room... told him to go and sleep... coz he is gg for a major operation today... took a cab back home......

today after werk planned to go visit him.. but he is leaving for the OT in less den an 1 hr... and i cannot make it on time.. and further more i was shivering due to my fever, bad sore throat and runny nose.... he told me to go home and rest... he will call me after his operation....

*praying hard tat the operation is a success... and tat things will be fine again........*

oh well.... i believe i have nvr mention abt him... and no one noes abt him.... but all i noe is i am still in a shock and slightly lost... after he told me..."i love u syg"....................................

rainy daes.....

2008-02-05T20:15:00.000+08:00

werk werk and more werk..... been bz... ... werking PM shift most daes... coz went for courses in the morning.... nvr reali had the chance to use comp.... even if i did... i am too tired to blog... or my sisters will make so much noise coz they wanna use it...

now tat i am not reali tired..... i shall blog a bit of wat had happened.....

i am currently attending some clinical quality improvement course by NKF.... did not know tat i have to do a project..... haiz... tiring... niwaes... i am halfway done.... will continue soon.....

sat for my BTT last 31st of jan.... and i PASSED!!!!!! hahahaha...now studying for my FTT... i noe i sound hapi but u all might be tinking its only BTT.... oh well.... i am taking it slow coz i need to have a stable financial..... next aim... to pass my FTT and apply my PDL........

went out wif all my poly cliques last sat.... i planned to celebrate JH bdae... YN's marriage.. and for the 2 darls who are flying off for their DEGREE soon.... :( will be sending them off... i am sad!!!!

niwaes... the whole celebration turned out to be on me!!! it was a surprise to celebrate my bdae!!??!!??!! i mean it was nvr expected... coz my bdae is still 1 mth plus... it was all becoz they are flying off way before my bdae... it was a reali surprised one though....

but den again.... things happened... juz wish i could turn the clock around..... oh well.... i appreciate everything darls.... thank you soooooo much......

well... gtg now... to all my chinese frenz who is celebrating CNY... gong xi fa cai..... be hapi alwayz... may u and ur family be blessed alwayz....take carez..............

life and love??

2008-01-12T11:17:00.000+08:00

Apologise by Timbaland

I'm holding on your rope

Got me ten feet off the ground

And I'm hearing what you say

But I just can't make a sound

You tell me that you need me

Then you go and cut me down

But wait...

You tell me that you're sorry

Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you

And I need you like a heart needs a beat

(But that's nothing new)

Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue

And you say

Sorry like an angel, heavens not the thing for you,

But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late

I said it's too late to apologizes, it's too late

Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late

I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah

I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding your rope

Got me ten feet off the ground...

the song even though basically says tat it is too late to apologise... and nothing more...
the first few parts actually means a lot to me......

it hurts to actually know tat sumone needs you but for the benefit of theirselves..... well.... tat is part of it lah... but basically i am reali reali reali sad for the fact tat i am never first on pple's list.... i have alwayz been 2nd or god noes if i am on their list...

it happened so fast... i am glad tat i found out the truth fast and tat it has not reach a certain stage.... i dun understand sumtimes... no matter how hard i try to understand them..............

events of december......

2007-12-19T19:03:00.000+08:00

hey there pple...... how are u guys doing? hope u guys are fine... been bz lately... werk and werk and more werk..... have been tired lately... tat i usually fall asleep... ignoring the msg and calls i get.... coz i have already reached my destination... the dreamland... sori u.... niwaes... here are my updates for the past few weeks.... hehe... mayb a bit too long... coz its been reali long since i blog..... haha............. erm... well....

<<07/12/2007>> meeting wif my ex-fellow secondary darlings....

zaf and sha

sha and suriani

me and zaf

suriani..me..zaf

zaf..sha..suriani..

<<09/12/2007>> a trip out wif my family at the beach....

my sis and me...

my mamma and me

Jihan... me... and i

the night quiet view.......

the 2 love birds... my pappa and mamma

us sistas again....

<<12/12/2007>>my dear sista's back!!!!....

first shot taken after a hug!!

us complete family....

a welcome home surprise!!!

bursting balloon ceremony..

my darl youngest sis.... nice nose there!! haha...

<<18/12/2007>> gathering wif my dears.. not forgetting bdaes celebration...

gathering at swensens....

me and jh's topless five after being 'dressed'...

char... amanda... yung hwui....

a clay bdae cake for amanda...

looks real huh... part of the bdae gift....

tat's all for tat whole few weeks... will update reali soon aite... take carez pple....

trip to airport

2007-12-02T21:59:00.000+08:00

30th of november......
a dae out wif my bestest buddy.... haha... i owe him a trip to terminal 3..... he and his terminal 3... he has alwayz wanted to go there... okiez.... i accompanied him...
was on morning shift tat friday... went to register for my driving liscence actually... asked jh to company me.. coz my cuzin was wif her bf... so.. after registering... we left for changi airport... took a bus down to tanah merah mrt station... den a train down to airport... we explored the whole of T3.... took lotz of photos.... den went over to BK T2 and had our dinner.... we chatted and chatted till it was abt 9plus wen both our parents had msg us to go back home soon.. haha.. all parents tink alike huh? niwaes we took bus 34 from changi airport to TPJC area where i stopped and walked in to my house area...... jh changed and took bus 17 from there..... now here's the photos we took.....

us both wif a cherry??

i juz love the view behind us

yummy!!

T3.. nice layout

i love the green-ry of the back

the centre tiles wif waterfalls

the entrance

the shops......

tat's all i guess... jh loves the pics... he used my hp and took all tis photos... he is a freak... hahahahahaha... niwaes they are nice jh... hmm.. guess i gtg now.. morning shift tomorrow... take carez pple...... nitez....

my off dae

2007-11-27T10:58:00.000+08:00

yesterdae was my off dae... sundae is always an off dae for me... but mondae is my 2weekly off dae... so kinda of fun... sun off.. mondae off.. haha...

supposed to meet jian hao... gg down to his camp area... pick him up and den go out to get sum stuff.... i was already prepared... but den my brother called me.. he needed help.... so i msg jian hao and genevieve told them i cannot make it down... i was like reali sori... my brother needs me more...

my brother picked me up at tampines mall area.... he was like reali famished... so we went down to changi airport... headed to BK.... me and him... together with his 2 sons...... i was carrying his 2nd son... he was pushing his first one on his pram..... i noticed tat pple are staring... coz it seems like we are a family.... and they gave me and my bro a stare... coz i still look young... hahahahaha.... so funny.... niwaes... after eating... we went over to the viewing mall..... let the kids see a plane taking off....

at abt 6plus.... we left to pick his wife up from werk... but she was late.... by tat time... the kids were crying.... one is hungry... and wet... the other is wet.... changed thier pampers... and made the milk for the little one.... den wen kakak was done wif werk.... he and kakak sent me home....

well... abg... i reali hope tat u have lots of patience now..... looking and hearing the probz u are facing..... insya allah.... tings will get better.... GOD loves you and ur family aite..... oh ya... i love you too... haha... take carez aite....

i am getting stronger as daes pass by... i am accepting the fate tat is on me.... i am not gg to have ani more hope.... cozi guess u are hopeless..... we will juz be frenz for now.... i will find my own life..... myown path of living..... u take carez.....

i am lost

2007-11-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

i am drowning in my own tears...................

i am juz a plain girl who is broken into million pieces......

troubled and puzzled wif life....

so many questions kept in my head.....

nvr had the chance to ask any.....

worried and confused...

i am basically losing my loved ones in my life....

no one understands me........

everyone's using me......

i am a spare part to you...you...and you.....

but y?

every tot of wat is in my heart?

didn't tink you have the time to though.......

y do u give me so much hopes??

wen will u open ur eyes??

wen will i open my eyes too.......

i am still holding on to the hopes tat you gave... and still giving....

hoping tat tings will be able to make me smile..... again.....

smiling wif a jumping joyful heart.......

and not like now..... smiling wif a sad and hurt

@#$#@%^*&$%#@

2007-11-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

y dun pple understand me?
y do pple alwayz mistaken me?
y do pple alwayz look down on me??
y do pple alwayz have to hurt me?
y do pple hate me??
y dun pple accept me for who i am??

lotz of question in my head now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna run away from everything and everyone.... i wanna be alone and clear tings in my head............... i am starting to hate myself..... i worry history will repeat itself....... i dun wan to injury myself animore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

andaiku tahu

2007-11-18T17:58:00.000+08:00

hi hi... back again to blog... hehe...
oh well... first ting first... congrats to one of my relative... who juz got married yesterdae... actually i dun noe the relationship between both of us... she is my mum's cuzin's daughter.... so she and me is??? haha.. nvr mind... as long i noe tat she is my relative.. haha... hopefully... the marriage tat u juz built will last till foreva..... amin....

next wk... i have a wedding to attend to also... its my frenz wedding... y is there so many marriages ard me? i feel so old now.. haha... wif all the marriages.... its not a shock to alwayz get pressurized by my aunts and my grandparents especially... asking wen will it be my turn... i am the 4th oldest among my cuzins... tis is among my mum's side.... nvr close wif my dad's side though.. aniwaes... i still have 3 elder cuzins who is suppose to get married first u noe... y me? i mean i have an elder sis too.. go and pressure her first.. haha.. oh well... as usual... my grandma always gets sensitive abt tis topic... for the fact tat she wants to see us getting married before she close her foreva... and she says tat she wants the feel of being a great grandma... gosh... she is reali tinking far... haha....

niwaes... i have alwaez wanted to blog y i chose tis song to be on my blog... here is the lyrics to the song..... it has a very deep meaning attached....

Look at me

You may think you see

Who I really am

But you'll never know me

Every day It's as if I play a part

Now I see If I wear a mask I can fool the world

But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

I am now In a world where I Have to hide my heart

And what I believe in

But somehow I will show the world What's inside my heart

And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?

Why is my reflection Someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm Someone else for all time?

When will my reflection show Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be Free to fly

That burns with a need to know

The reason why

Why must we all conceal

What we think, how we feel?

Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?

I won't pretend that I'm Someone else for all time

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

i guess i dun have to explain wat the song means huh... its reali obvious.... tis is how i feel... and i shall not explain animore.... hmm.. gtg now pple... will blog again soon....

another 1mth plus w/o my kakak

2007-11-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

harlow...... well3... finally i have my own laptop and internet connection... yeppie!!! i am so hapi.. hahahaha.... after such a long time of keeping all in my heart and being unable to blog things out.,.... at last!! hehe... so hapi... i mean tis is like the only best way i will let out wat is in my heart... how i feel..... hehe.....

i had a long 3 day break from werk... had my OFF day on friday... accompanied my mum to CGH for her check up... den went home.... sat was the dae i claim my PH for raya... PH in lieu... tat afternoon my elder sis came back from japan... spent the evening wif her... miz her lotz.... she bought me stuff from japan... hehe... lurve it lotz... haha.. thankz kikin...
i mention tat i had 3 daes break rite? so far i only mentioned only 2 days... the last dae... was the sending off ceremony... my elder sis.. she had to leave for another 5 more countries... firstly heading to indonesia.. the sending off ceremony was like super sad... we went ard the cruise... for abt 1hr in the cruise and lotz of photo taking.... there were the ceremony... den there they went off in the ship... but b4 tat... they had a ribbon throwing ceremony.. we were on land.. whereas they were on the ship... my sis were given like abt 10 meter long ribbon... paper ribbon tat is... she threw it form the ship... while i had to catch it from the land... we held on to the ribbon till the ribbon will eventually break by itself...it reali very heart warming... i felt so touched.... b4 the ship even moved... i started crying... den my sis starte dto cry... i could not control my tears... juz so sad... oh well... had to be alone.. wifout her for the next 1mth plus... she will be back in mid-december.... oh well.. so can't wait for tat dae to come... will be reali hapi...

hmm... pple.. gtg now... will be back blogging soon... take carez all... nitez... muackz....

2007-11-06T18:42:00.000+08:00

Hey there pple… how are you guys? Fine I hope… hmm…. Guess wat.. my cuzin actually let me use this laptop for days…. Therefore I cannot waste the opportunnnity given to me rite?? Haha… I noe I a m bad… but den again… I am like s bored not using the comp for reali a long time… aniwaes… I guess I have to update abt myself since its been reali a while I blog……………………….

Hmm…. Me… recently juz planned to get married in the next 5 months… haha… found the love of my life… my Mr. Right…… he is so sweet and cute….. getting married in march… in between both our birthdays…. Mine is 6th march… his is on the 19th march… so we are tying a knot on the 16th of march… a date I guess I will cherish my whole life…..

Oh well… now its already November…. Towards the end of the yr… there is like so many birthdays I have to remember…
-31 oct: shuhadah..my younger sis
-1st nov:syafiqah.. my closest cuzin…
-2nd nov: kak nur…my sis in law
-2nd nov: Hermi… my dearest bestie fren
-3rd nov: kak shikin…..my eldest sis
-7th nov… the love of my life…. My mum…
-23rd nov: naufal…. My dearest cutest nephew
This are some of the birthdays of my dear ones tat are in my head for now…. There are sum more… especially my frenz….. but to list down all is kinda of impossible… haha.. dun be sad my dears…. Your birthday will still be remembered…. Aite…

Well… I guess all in all I am happy werking for nkf… even though they are changing to a new management….. lots of changes being done… and some can be kinda irritating…. But I still have a long way to go…. Its gonna be 2 months since I started werk… I am already practicing to be in charge on a cubicle… not as easy as it looks… coz I deal with veins, arteries, bloods.. grafts everyday…. I kinda get use to it… but den I can still feel the pain they are going thru… I mean no doubt tat they have been having dialysis for years… a sharp object is still poking thru ur skin…. As long as they are call humans… pain can still be felt… well… wen I see some of my patients, their courage… patience… tolerance….. I feel more excited to go to werk everyday… becoz of my patience….. they somehow give me strength to live each day as it comes by… I admire my patient strengths…. To see their smiles on their faces despite the pain and hurdles in their lifes… I shall be the same den… I should promise myself to not come to werk wif a sad face no matter sad I am…. Coz I am suppose to put on a smile on my face for my dear patients…………

Hmm….. if u all actually believe my story tat I juz told u guys abt me getting married… den I guess u pple still dun noe me tat well yet… hahahha… I am juz kidding…. I mean…. I guess I am expected to write some major things tat occur to me coz its been reali a lone time since I log in to my msn or blog…. But I guess… I have no reali big events tat happen to me…. Other den my elder sis flying off to japan for her exchange programme… b4 cumin back to rest in singapore wif all her frenz form diff countries…. And gg off in a cruise to another 4more countries….. its been like only 12 days since she has left for japan…. But it felt like its been already 2 months…. She still have 40 more days of travelling….. oohhh……. Haiz…. Niwaes praying tat everything goes smoothly for her….. amin…

Got to go guys…. Hope to be blogging reali soon… coz I am getting my internet and my laptop soon… yeah!!!!!! Hahahahahaha…….. so excited……… take carez all………………

Raya outing

2007-10-28T22:32:00.000+08:00

Hey there pple.. Blogging a while thru my hp.. Hmm.. Yesterdae went out raya wif my sec frenz.. Went to one of my teachers house.. Den the rest to my frenz house.. We started gg out only at 5 like tat coz i was werking b4 tat.. Niwaes my house tis yr was a disaster.. Haiz.. I broke down for a while.. Can take it wif my family.. Niwaes put tat aside la... todae went out wif my bro and sis in law.. Wif the rest of his frenz.. Mat kereta ar.. They all in the same grp.. Members of a same car grp.. Enjoyed myself though.. Well cannot blog for long.. Will blog again.. Take carez pple..

2007-10-09T13:17:00.001+08:00

helo!!! hahaz.... new blog skin.... thx to my dear cuzin... hehe... love the butterflies... whhooooohoooo..... okok... i have very limited time now.... i am in my NKF main building now coz i am currently attending a course... mizz my patients a lot.... haha... i have only 15 minutes to use tis comp..... soooo short... well niwaes.... i betta hurry.. :)

hmm.... its gonna be hari raya soon.... haha... so can't wait... :) i hope to go visiting wif all my sec buddies again... miz them lotz..... and oh ya... to all my muslim frenz out there... selamat hari raya aidilfitri..... mohon maaf zahir dan batin... khas buat my frenz dengan hati yg tulus... hehe...

hmm.. no time now... will update soon again... do keep in touch pple.... take carez...

here in national library

2007-09-14T16:13:00.000+08:00

hello... back here in national library... blogging... finding information abt my youngst sis project... tis mayb my last entry b4 i start werk... which means bz schedule... haha... oh well... today is the 2nd day of fasting..... and also the day my jian hao and fairus enter NS life... haha... gg botak liao... oh well... we had a day out wif our loved ones to actually celebrate his last few days being a non-NS guy...

i met him early... met him at bedok int... passed juwita her engagement gift... den took a bus down to marina... had our so called brunch at qi ji... den went to send me MP4 for servicing... and den we walked ard window shopping... haha... den abt 5 plus.. went down to swensens to book seats for the rest.... discussed our pay in DBS.. called kelly services and settled... waited for the rest.... we chat and chat and chat.. haha... lotz of toking though... well... after everyone was here... except joanna.. coz he end werk late.. we ordered... den after the main course.. me and jh shared dessert.....

after all the eating... we had a photograph session.. haha... well.. den my bestie came to pick me up.... she was from school... which was nearby... she had probs... so i met her and we chat.... and chat and chat... den she went to bedok area to have her car tank filled wif fuel... while on the way... we chatted... and suddenly... the car in front of us suddenly brake... which leaves my bestie wif no choice but to brake suddenly..... ending me up wif a knock in my head and a nock in my knee.... haha.. i was super shocked and my bestie... she was shocked too... she apologise GOD noes how many times.. haha... was not her fault though.. niwaes.. could not hang out aniwhere coz it was already ten plus plus.... so she sent me home.....

went to accompany my mum on wed to geylang to buy for my youngest sis her raya clothes... went wif my aunt.... den got her 2 sets of clothes... one blue and the other peach color... notnoeing tat i actually got myself a set too... first time.. using my money... my aunt paid half of it first... coz my cash running low... will pay her back soon... and it was more den my budget... oh well.. nvr mind.... it was black in colour... haha... love it lotz...

den.. yesterdae was the first day of fasting... and my dad was not in singapore... slightly sad... but he has werk to do so ya... cooked for my whole family a special dish... first time cooking tis dish.... got the recipe form a book.. its called claypot fried rice... but i did not put it in a claypot... haha... slight adjustment made... but the rest was the same... seafood and lots of vegie in the rice.... and they all said it was nice!!! haha... cooked him a bit... but it was too late..... breaking fast time... and he woke up juz b4 tat... so ya.. he did not get to taste it... oh well... its ok...

hmm.. gtg now pple... need to do some research for my sis... take craez... to all the muslims.... selamat menjalani ibadah puasa....

helo

2007-09-04T20:43:00.000+08:00

hey there pple... back here again... here at my couzin's house using her comp.... hmm... been reali reali down tis few days.... yesterday was the start of all the misery... i came to werk... juz to hear my so called boss saying tat i dun have to come to werk animore coz the new staff who is suppose to replace me is here....

ok... it started on friday... my boss asked me to stay for a few more days... coz the replacement is not here yet... since i am not reali gonna start werk yet... i agreed to it... i dun mind werking rather den staying at home... so i told here i could extend the contract... called kelly services to inform her but she was bz... so left a msg wif one of her staff... den i came to werk on monday and she told me tis... she said there might be a misunderstanding between them and kelly... i dun care abt tat... tat is ur prob... i am not trying to be rude here... but tis is not the way u ask ur staff to end their contract... i was damn shock... and my tears juz flow wifout me realising..... i did not expect my day to end soooo early... all my other staff, excluding my boss... asked me to stay.. they had tis pleading face and sad face... i felt even more sad.... haiz... i went down to the opp bakery shop and got them some eclairs... a token of appreciation for being such a nice collegue....

hmm... on tat day itself... the morning... my ex sent me to werk... actually for the past few days he had contacted me back... i mean... i dun mind giving him a second chance lah... but juz a promise tat the history will not happen again... oh well.. he promised... so i tot its a real promise.... he met me under my void deck... took the bus together... den in the bus he broke his promise... i did not like tat move... but i kept quiet... he kept on bugging me abt me accepting him back into my life... i was not ready but tat qn is definitely in my 'to-consider' list.... but after he broke his promise... and the consistant bugging abt patching back.. i dun tink i wanna be wif him back... he is too sudden and desperate.... i dun like it... he has been toking abt pacthing.... engagement,... and MARRIAGE??!!!??? i was like ok... take it slow man..... i was freaked out and i took the decision to end everything b4 aniting starts,....... he was hurt and he accused me of taking revenge... he tot i wanna hurt him juz like the way he hurt me b4.... i am not a revenge person... so i told him i am tired of trying... of well.... i am juz soooo stressed and down....

gg for a break now... take carez pple...

after 21 days not blogging...

2007-08-25T16:25:00.000+08:00

at last... after 21 pathetic days of not blogging....... here i am blogging all my hearts out,... haha..

been bz with werk lately.... not in nursing line.. but in banking line... as a pert-timer admin at DBS.... haha... weneva i tell pple at... they will juz stunned.. and ask me.. u diploma in nursing rite? den y banking..... oh well... not tat i have not tried in nursing line... i have and i am still trying hard looking for a hosp to werk in.. i need to start werk soon... i am afraid tat i will forget my skills after such a long time not practising.... the last time i actually practised was dressing... and tat was wen my mum had to go for an operation... my mum is now well... no more dressing and no more drainage... haiz.... i dun understand y they are taking such a long time to reply... i applied for tis particular hosp twice.... they took sooo lng to return my call and at last told me tat they could not find my application form.... i was patient enough to go down again and submit my resume... and den... no more calls again.... i had given up... dun wan to werk in tat problematic hosp... HR was reali bad... like wateva... i dun reali care animore....

hmm... ending DBS werk soon... by end of tis month....werking at DBS is fun coz my close ones are ard.... my collegues are ok... quite friendly... but they are bz... so dun reali tok much... but there was tis particular collegue of mine.... who told me tis.... "dik..(sis in malay) next time u do ur werk slowly... dun do it so fast... i got no time to find u other task to do.." first time in my life pple actually dun like others to werk fast... i was like wateva in my heart... but i juz smilez to her... the next collegue of mine... asking me to do most of her werk... and wen i ask sumting to confirm wif her... she typed wifout looking at me... saying "no time to bother u now..." kinda of harsh... so i decided not to continue the task... afraid i did the wrong ting.... might as well i dun do it.... being a part timer.. isn't reali fun... u are thrown ard... wateva boring and tiring task is thrown at u... oh well... i can admit now tat i actually complete my task real fast.. i will be gg ard looking for things to do if my task are all done... oh well.. all tis comin to an end oreadi....

the HR of a particular hosp called up and said tat i was successful for the interview... they will call me again to sign the contract wif them... and most prob i will start werk on 3rd of sept..... insyaallah..... still waiting for their call... pray for me pple... coz tis is a new sector of nursing tat i am joining....

oh well... gtg now... gg to visit my grandparents at CCK!!!!!! take carez pple... shall blog again next time aite...

signing off wif love.........

hello there again

2007-08-04T15:33:00.000+08:00

hey there people...how's life? hopefully its fine... well my life has been ok to.... been trying sooo hard to get a proper nursing job yet no calls..... so i ended up werking at DBS bank... oh well.. everyone asking... nurse werking in a bank? well its part time... and its nvr wrong... haha.. niwaes... been only 2 days.. so ya.. i hope tings will be juz fine in werking area...

hmm.. so far i went for an interview at NKF.... well dun judge NKF by its past... its a history.. oh well.. interview went ok.. and i was feeling reali reali nervous... haha.. overall i can say tat it was ok... oh and i am gg for another interview at thomson medical centre tis cumin monday.... took half day at werk... plz pray for me aite pple...

hmm.. life recently... dun reali noe wat to say abt it... all noe is tat i have basically given up.. i have given up on him... i am tired of tinking abt all tis.. abt him especially... haiz... but sumwhere deep down inside me... i am still hoping.. dun noe why.. but ya tis stupid me is juz hoping... wen in fact i dun see any hope... niwaes... i am reaching deep down in my heart to remove the hope-ness away.... i dun wan to have any more hopes.... wen i am down... i cry... and honestly i feel stupid wen i cry... haha.. ok,... i am nuts.... ignore me...

well.. i gtg now... thx to yunaizah i am here at her house using her comp... i am like running ard to pple's house using their comp... luckily i have these frenz... soon after my financial is stable... den i will have my internet connection back...

oh ya... and if YOU are reading tis.... juz dun bother aite.... i dun tink you can get excess to my blogspot... but if you do... den ya.. its you i am toking abt... i dun see myself animore... i am literally lost becoz of u.... oh well... shall not blame u... coz i had feelings for u... u didn't... so u did noting wrong...... haiz.... take carez pple... will blog soon again...

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2007-07-30T16:30:00.000+08:00

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Thank You.... hope to hear from u soon...

wat have i done......

2007-07-24T17:09:00.000+08:00

helo there people... hmm... back here in the lib again... blogging out wat's kept in my heart... well... yesterday.. bz settling hospital application.. sent in toKKH...CGH...SGH... yet no reply... i shall not give up.. but feel reali tired and sad..... niwaes.. recently sent in to thomson medical centre.. and NKF...... all i need to do now is wait.... i mean.. its been so long since i worked... and if i bump into my frenz outside... the most common asked qns is........ 'WHERE ARE U WERKING NOW?' or....'U IN WHICH DEPARTMENT? WHICH WARD?' i get stressed wif these qns now... oh well.... these are the things in life i have to face... obstacles in life given by GOD... i have to face it wifout sighing........ but i guess i juz did...... hmm..... at nite after completing some of my documents.. my fren called me...

tis is wat she told me...........................................................
jihan... its been reali a long time since i wanted to tell u tis.... i keep on holding it back coz i noe tis will hurt ur feelings... but the more i keep it.. the more i feel bad... coz they are toking abt u.... which is not rite.... after all tis now i am getting super anxious... waiting for wat more i am abt to hear.......

during my PRCP... which was abt 2-3 mths back.... there was gossips abt u being spread by tis gal by the name of Miss H.... apparently.... miss H was spreading gossips abt me... saying tat i like he bf and tat i am gg to steal him away from her...... wen i hear tat gossip from my fren.... i was like WAT???!!!????!!!!?????!!!!................ first ting first.... i dun reali tok to tat gal.... oh as a matter of fact i have nvr toked to her... and abt her bf... i toked to him once.... tat was becoz we were grouped together for tis one particular attatchment.... tat was all... the first and last conversation we eva had.... and now u are gossiping abt me taking him away from u??? wat the @#!*&%$%@#

i believe tat i i dun disturb u......... why should u disturb me................i hold on to tis belief of mine..... i felt reali sad wen i hear tis news..... wifout realising... tears was rolling down my cheeks..... for the fact tat u are polluting my name...... and hurting my feelings.... i noe where i stand aite... u are far more preetier den me... why should u worry am i rite? and i reali dun understand wat u wanna get out of all tis... oh well..........another test in life for me........

i juz dun get why tis are al happening to me... since i am blogging abt tis kind of pple... i might as well blog abt the others... i have alwayz been tis nice gerl... weneva i see u... i will juz smile.. wen i noe deep down in my heart tat u dun reali like me.... i noe there are some of u who do talk behind my back.. and mayb u are one of them reading tis blog of mine.... like the saying goes... ' if u eat chilles.... den u will taste the hotness..'mayb its juz my looks and the way i present myself tat u all dun like... i juz dun get it.... i dun talk tat nuch to u guys.... does not mean i dun noe wat is happening ard.... i noe... but its juz tat i choose to keep quiet.... and the more i keep quiet... the more pple talk abt me..... why?? i dun get it... it still hurts tat after 3 yrs.... after 3 years of trying... i am still not your dear frenz..... its ok.... i noe i have tried... and i will still be here if u guys need me....

take carez pple... dun feel like blogging animore...... the more i blog... the more hurt i will be... its ok.. all kept in tis heart of mine....

back after such a long time.....

2007-07-17T16:32:00.000+08:00

hey there pple..... i am back... apologise for not blogging for such a long time..... comp gave lotz of probz... now internet's gone... wait till get a job... and the first ting i will do is to sign up for an internet excess.... seriously.. i need it badly... need to settle lotz of stuff.... and all i can do is to post it.... as in slow mail...... and it takes years to reach tat place and it will take years again to get back to me.... so now i am sitting in the library... typing tis entry.... i guess i will juz give a summary of wat had happen to me for the months plus.......

22 June 2007
well.... tis date... hmm.... me 'ex' came back... msging me.... he wanna ask for a patch... i was kinda of shock coz after such a long time... he came back and immediately ask for a patch... i mean i have my own life and tat he should juz at least give me time to tink or to breathe at least... wen he ask for a patch.. i told him i am not ready and tat i need time... he agreed and he said it was fine for him to take it a step at a time... i was kinda relief... i did not have any problem giving him another chance... after all GOD forgives HIS fellow followers... y not me... i am juz a normal human.. and so is he... but it was a bit to sudden and fast... niwaes... the next morning... he msg me a gd morning msg... i was not awake yet... after like 1/2 hr... i have yet reply him.. he msg me again... another gd morning msg... den tat whole day.. he keeps on insisting tat we get back together.. as a matter of fact i am actually getting to noe tis guy... i was trying hard for tings to word between us... so i did not wan to give it up half way for my ex... i did not want my effort to juz go down the drain... so to shorten everything... i actually told him to not wait for me.. i was not prepared yet... he said he dun care wateva i said... all he noes is tat he will wait for me... i told him i cannot change his decision.. but i can tell him tat in future if anyting happens... and if he will eva to be hurt again... i dun wan to be blamed... oh well... tat's him....

5th July 2007
a date for me to remember... a date where i had another certificate added in my personal file.... a date which means tat i have ended my poly life... and a dtae which means tat i am stepping into another step of my life.... working life..... my graduation date!!!! yes...... i have graduated..... haha.. i am soooo happy... i made it thru 3 yrs of NYP NURSING education..... haha... congratz to all my fellow frenz tat made it thru graduation... and those who did not make it thru.... be patient... coz ur time will come soon.... ur patience will pay off soon aite dears....

17 july 2007
hmm.... tat is today... here i am sitting here in the library.... blogging.... all alone...... the guy i was talking abt in my previous entry.. dated on 30th march... is no longer in my life... the guy i was getting to noe wen my ex came back... is avoiding me.. for no reason... only GOD noes wat was his reason.... my ex is no longer msging me... all in all........ i am back to square one... all alone.... as usual.... oh well.... life is juz like a wheel.... it goes round and round.... and den back to its original self... hopefully there is sumone out there who understands me....

take carez pple... will blog soon aite.... signing off wif love........

~Ms ConfuseD~

2007-03-30T22:22:00.000+08:00

"who am i to u???"
tis is the qn i have alwayz wanted to ask tis sumone.... hmm.... my dear.... u seem to be confused... i dun noe wat u tink abt US... but for sure i noe u dun have an answer to my qn....
well... some of ur actions are hurting... abut.. some of ur actions are juz super sweet.. its like u are leading me on.... but den........ argh.. i juz dun noe....

hmm.. last dae of paper.. went out for a movie.. and he followed.... :) i enjoyed ur company my dear... but i guess my fren does not reali like the way u behave... well.. i understand y.. its ok lah..

den the other dae he ask me out for movie... both of us met up but den movie was fully booked till next timing... which was at 10.30... decided not to go for it coz my parents will kill me if i come home late... so we left for dinner instead.. we went KFC.... after tat.. we went window shopping at TM & CS... den we walked over to the mini bazar... den.. both of us bought milkshake at MAC.. chose a spot and slack there... den he waited for my bus to come.. sent me off.. and he den took his bus....

hmm.. now we planning to go out another day... watching movie... and also accompany him to shop... so ya...

hmm.. gtg now.. he is calling oreadi... take carez....

lotz of tings happened........

2007-03-21T21:36:00.001+08:00

well... its gg to be a long post todae..
but mostly will be pics.. hmm.. tis pics tat i am gg to post was my bdae celebration and gifts...

MY BIRTHDAE SURPRISE AND GIFTS...

a new MP4 given by dear frenz....

its black and GREEN!!! my fav colour....

the whole full set....

my all time fav.. WINNIE THE POOH..

it's to hang at my lonely hp.....

The drinks we had for the dae...

at idil's work place.....

from left back row.. idil..mel..jo..me..robin..yue ning
from left front.. jian hao and chris...

tat's me and my buddies + their partners

from left... spastic jian hao.. yue ning.. den me and my sunflower.. jo.. spastic chris

me and sunflower.. the card made by idil...

bdae!!!!

2007-03-06T10:14:00.000+08:00

hapi bdae to me...
hape bdae to me..
hapi 20th bdae to jihan..
hapi bdae to me...

haha... well... todae is my 20th bdae... :)
but i am sick... flu... and my voice is soooo weird... haiz.. :(

my dear classmates actually had an advance bdae celebration for me... on 3 march...
plan was to come my house and complete a proj which is supposed to be presented on mondae...
one of them msg me saying tat she juz woke up and tat her other 3 frenz might still be sleeping... haha.. i said ok lor.. its ok coz i knew tat they slept late the nite b4 tat coz we were all staying back to do proj... niwaes.. so only jh came... i was still combing my hair and stuff... den i heard a knocking on my main door......... (my bell spoil mah..so ya.. hehe..) niwaes.. i went to see... and i saw amanda... hmm.. i tot she was late...... so i went towards the door and suddenly..i saw the other 3 of them.. and they were holding a cake and wif candles and singing a bdae song for me... haha... so paisey.. den all of them laughed... coz i was being tricked.. haha...
so the 6 of us.. me..jian hao.. genevieve.. charmaine.. amanda.. yung hwui... we all took fotos and ate the cake......... so i tot..ok.. let us now start doing proj.. but b4 i could ask tat qn.. den we had tis conversation.....

amanda: so jihan.. can u go out todae?
me: wat?? todae? got proj mah..
amanda: aiya.. can lah... we go out and celebrate ur bdae todae lah... plz...
me: well.. i dun tink i can go out... (wifout reasons lah.. hehe)
all of them: y??? can lah...
me: erm.... (den i ask my mum... as she was standing there...)
mum: can lah..
all of them: (turn and stare at me...)

haha.... den they force me to go and get changed... den my mum fried her curry puff for them.. den after tat we left........... they handed my bdae present juz b4 we went out..... wen i looked at the present.... i was totally in silence... and tat i was in a state of shock..... they bought me a MP4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CREATIVE BRAND summore...... goodness me!!!!!

den we took a cab to vivo... tot they bringing me go eat... but den wen we reach vivo... jian hao and amanda went dun noe where... apparently i found out later tat they bought tix to go to sentosa...i was like......WAT??!!!???!?? i was super shocked.... reali.. haha... i was so not prepared... well.. we took the monorail down to dun noe which island ar... it was the last one.. den we queued up for the tram ride... tis was wen i was supposed to be blinded folded... haha.. wen we reached dun noe where.. there was sumone who pulled my hand and assisted me in walking.. but she was more of pulling my hand ar.. haha.. niwaes.. den she brought me to a sandy place.. i was super scared.... all i tot abt was tat will they push me inside the sea.. haha.. den sumone opened the blind fold for me.. and i saw some writings on the sand... it was written as... "HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY JIHAN" tat was super sweet ar... reali.. there were flowerslyig ard there too.. i was reali reali touched by wat they have done... to tat extend they did... tis yr bdae was reali a memorable one.... specially from my dear ones... the 5 of them who surprised me at my house... and 3 more who was already there already.. joanna and christ.. and kelvin... thankz soooooo much.... den we made our way to the opposite side of the island.. we walked thru the bridge... and we hanged out there... after quite some time.. we took pics and den we made our way back to vivo city.... oh ya.. and yue ning joined us wen we were about to leave the island...

here are some pics....

me and my bdae cake...

me and my 5 dears...
charmaine..gen..yung hwui.. amanda.. jian hao...

my dear gen eating a piece of the cake.. :)

the birthday wish on the sand...

from left to right...

charmaine.. yung hwui.. amanda.. jian hao.. me.. genevieve..joanna..christina

from left to right..

jian hao.. me.. joanna.. christina...

me and my dear joanna..

at the bridge.. wif amanda leading us.. me at the back.. :)

me and genevieve...

joanna and me...

charmaine and me...

me and yung hwui....

amanda and me...

me and jian hao..

hearts us......

me and joanna... :)

a pic of us all together.... leaving the island...

me and joanna in the bus...

us on the esclator.. back to vivo...

thankz to all my dear ones for tis special and memorable bdae...... appreciate it lotz... thankz once again.. hopefully we will alwayz be in touch as i treasure you guyz lotz.... muackz...

LOVE?

2007-02-20T22:57:00.000+08:00

tis is the topic for todae...

seems like everyone is in love... either being loved or loving sumone...

dun noe if everyone noes the exact meaning of love...

but for sure i dun.....

love is described as exciting..

fun...

enjoying...

pleasant....

but at the same time... love is hurting...

painful...

sad...

isn't it contradicting??

aniwaes... here is a sweet poem about love....

A Love Without Goodbyes by Alexander
A lifetime filled with cheating hearts,
all echo from my past.
The "promise true's" and "I love you's",
each one was meant to last.
So, fine was this line of sharing,
built with honesty and trust.
Each vow's now left inside my head,
to slowly gather dust.

I struggle to tomorrow,
searching hope, yet walking blind.
While broken dreams and silent screams,
play re-runs in my mind.
I try to shake each past mistake,
and meet what lies ahead.
While hearing cold reminders of
these promises once said.

It's hard to feel what's wrong from real,
when shadows dim the light.
I close my eyes and dream a dream
of heaven every night.
It's all I know, this history,
I hold a guiding hand?
These scars I show, a lesson that
I yet don't understand?

Another day awaits me,
in this life I call my own.
A cruel delay frustrates me,
as I face this world alone.
Let words once said and tears long shed,
rest peaceful in this heart.
I know the pain of love in vain,
will always play its part.

With open arms I welcome such
new dreams as may arise,
I only pray to find one day,
a love... without good-byes.

wif tat.. i end todae's entry... hope you guys enjoyed the poem as much as i did... take carez pple... may you be in good health alwayz...

May LOVE be wif you....... ALWAYZ

wat a presentation......

2007-02-11T17:09:00.000+08:00

haiz..... in 2 & 1/2 yrs yrs straight... nvr had an average presentation.. till tat faithful dae.. 9/2/2007...... everything did not turned out as planned.... no exhibition.. no movie... no spirit.. it was as if i was half dead... even b4 i started presenting... i was already tearing... sobbing to myself.. and i felt sooooo miserble... i failed to lead my grp... i am an absoulte failure.... well.... there are lots of reasons to it... not tat i wanna push all the blame away from myself.. but... oh well.. lets juz keep those hurting memories and explaination to myself... in my heart... only GOD noes wat actually happened.... only GOD noes why it was such a presentation....

3 times my thumbdrive got prob.. crashed and left me all alone to do the slides all over again... and as for the movie tat we were supposed to do.. it turned out great... except tat it was not able to save all the hard work tat jo put in.. tat was too another prob... from the time she sarted doing till the few minutes b4 presentation... it got hanged and all hard worked went down the drain abt 4 times!! we had lots of miserable times doing tis proj.... thumbdrive crashed.. movie hanged... got our presentation dates mixed up.. idea of exhibition was thrown away... haiz........ wat a presentation.... cried a lot of times during the process of doing tis presentation.... lots of probz i had to face and only manage to keep it to myself.. haiz... only GOD noes... and remember my frenz.... i will blow up in front of ur face only wen the time has come... i do not wish to do tat... so dun force me...

gtg now.. wanna do stuff for my sec frenz... meeting them tis 24th of feb.. to celebrate frenship dae.. or mayb valentines dae... hehe.. take carez pple out there...

i miz my sec bestie frenz...

2007-01-29T23:57:00.000+08:00

was chatting wif my one of my sec fren yesterday... suriani... i teared talking to her... tears of joy and happiness ran down my cheecks as we both were chatting... she still cares for me... and tat at least i noe tat i can still depend on them wen i need pple to tok to.. and tat i noe tat they understand me the most... these 3 bestie frenz tat is already like my sistaz... reali.. we are reali close... miz them lotz....juz tat we are bz and we dun meet up tat often.. niwaes... to these 3 of you.....

suriani: 7 yrs of frenship... and still counting huh... i love you soo much.. you are the best fren i eva had.. she is soo sweet.. and cute.. used to call her bluuurrrr... and guess she is still one.. hehe.. but despite all tat.. she is juz a great fren to be wif.. she is so caring.... she is such a dear to me.. and we love to chat wif one another.. haha.. about anything and everything.... :)

zafirah: 5 yrs of frenship and still running... tis is a very hyper and cool gerl.. she is super noisy and she is the one who makes our dae wif her crappy-ness and her nonsense.. haha.. she is reali frenly... sweet and caring too.. we love to chat too.. and hang out too.... haha...

fashiha: 55 yrs of frenship and still continuing....tis one quiet gerl... once you noe her.. she is frenly... caring.. very studious... soft-spoken.. total opposite of me in those days.. haha.. helpful too.. chatting is also our favourite past time.. haha..

as you all can see.. we all love to chat and hang out wif each other... haha.. each one of them is very nice to chat and hang out wif... they all are sooo lovely and adorable.. and being wif them releases my stress... i feel sooo comfortable being ard them... and i noe tat no one can replace them in my heart... their names and wonderful frenship have been carved on my heart... i miz ya all sooooooooo much...

i take my frens seriously.... these 3 pple understand me... and understanding and good communication is the key to a great frenship... if any of these is missing in a frenship.. i feel tat the whole frenship will be a shaky one... wifout any one of this.. then there will not be such a ting called trust.... they understand me lotz... and i reali treasure tis frenship of ours... thax for being by myside wen i need a listening ear... love ya guys alwayz.... *muackzzzz*.... take carez pple...

bad, sad day

2007-01-26T14:13:00.000+08:00

haiz...... wat a bad day... i dun noe wat happened to me.. there is a lot of feelings bottled up inside me... the bottle is now breaking... exploded already.... who to be blamed?? ME!!!! and y should i be blamed for wat i am feeling rite now?? coz... i am the one who bottle up my feelings... cannot blame me lah... its juz tat i cannot let out my feelings tat easily......

for those who still dun noe me and who dun understand me YET till now......... now i tell u ok... i am the person who prefers to keep quiet wen sumting is bothering me... once u ask me and i refuse to answer, it means tat i am juz not wanting to talk.... tat's all.... i am doing a lot of tinking lah... tat's me...... a person who loves to do self reflections and tinking during my quiet time... tat's all.... apparently after tis 3 yrs of frenship.... pple juz dun understand me yet.... haizzzzz........

hmm...... lots of tinks going thru my mind yesterday... and i mean reali a lot.... basically... its hard for me to accept tat i am dumb enough to actually use my fone for quite long till my bills were like damn high... now cannot afford to pay... i am left to suffer by myself........ i used becoz of him... and now left to suffer also by him...... thx so much.... niwaes.. let's drop tis topic... he is of no use in my life any more....

the next ting i was like reali tinking a lot abt is the topic called "frenship".................... after tis 3 yrs of frenship... i am still wondering where i stand along the word "frenship".... am i even in the line? hmm..... wondering and will continue to wonder.............. haiz.... i did a lot of tinking... and suddenly i felt so left out and so lonely and so abandoned....... dun noe why.... weird huh... but reali... if there is a strong blow of wind.. u all will be able to feel the coldness and the strong-ness rite?? but tis is frenship prob... reali.. i can sooo feel it... have to adapt wif it i guess...

niwaes... i got tis from the net... its very touching and meaningful... most importantly.. it is true...here it is...

*True friends are the people that are there for you unconditionally. They are the people that never question you and support you no matter what the circumstances are. They are the people worth living for*

*A real friend is someone who you can sit in complete silence with and still walk away feeling like you just had the best conversation of your life*

*True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side *

*A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else*

wat's new...

2007-01-23T11:20:00.000+08:00

hmm... 1 presentation down... 3 more to go... juz ended my HS 3034.1 presentation... its about..."customer relationship & staff development" hmm.. topic was not tat easy.. but we manage to pull it thru lah... it was not a fantastic presentation.. but it was still ok lah... great job to all my group members...

to yn: i am sowie for tis last minute tingy... did not give u ur notes yesterday... den u cannot practise.. :( sowie darling.. we went home yesterday at 8 plus... so.. could not pass u ur part.. and yesterday wanted to go online till tat late.. but my elder sis wanted to use it.. idiot her... niwaes sooo sowie ya.. niwaes u did great though.. :)

to jo: u did great too.. u are so funny... lets werk betta for the next and final one together aite.. tis is our last presentations eva for our diploma... let's make it big.. and fun.. looking foward to the preparation of our "RESILLIENCE IN TEENAGE LIFE.. PEER PRESSURE" we will be one great & united team aite pple...

to chris: ur hands were shaking so much.. but ur presentation was great too.. well done ya... hmm.. another one more project together aite...

to jh: sowie for the anger i let out to u early in the morning... i juz get piss off wen pple dun get wat i say.. and on top of it.. i am damn anxious abt the presentation... so ya.. well done to u too...

well.. dun wanna say much oreadi... got research to be done... take carez ya all..

~~~~~~~*~

2007-01-17T10:38:00.000+08:00

hello there people... how's everyone?? hmm.. hope tat u all are fine... and tat life's great.. hmm.. how's 3rd week of skool? stressing? haha... ya.. kinda for me... 4 projects in 7 weeks... actually 5 weeks... coz 1st 2 weeks usually intro to semester rite.. well.. tat's kinda of rushing... and tat have not include my studies for the cumin exams... and PRCP!!!!! my final attatchment which will determine if i make it thru as a staff nurse... if i am good in my skills and theory... den staff nurse i will be.. but if not... which i hope not... den i will have to be under probation longer.. which is equal to more stress...... so much for my 3rd week of skool... let's see.... hmm...

13th jan.... a special date for a special person in my heart... was his bdae... typed a sweet long bdae msg for his to send it at 12am exactly... i pressed send exactly at 12am... i was sooooo excited and happy... these 2 feelings filled my head tat i had forgotten tat i cannot msg out animore..... wen i saw..."sending failed.. msg barred" i was like.... "SHIT" immediately i felt like my heart dropped.. i den ask my younger sis if i could borrow her fone... coz i reali need to msg him... she said ok... haha... thankz soooo much ada.. niwaes... sent him tis...

"assalamualaikum *******... jihan here... ni my sis fone.. my fone rosak.. juz wanna wish u a hapi 20th bdae... semoga panjang umur dan dimurahkan rezeki selalu...AMIN... hope u lead a successful life ahead.. hope 2 be buddies alwayz.. nitez.. have a fun bdae.. take carez.. miz ya.. :)"

and he REPLIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"kau masih ingat eh.. terima kasih lah byk2.. i appreciate it a lot..."

i am damn hapi... and still is... hahahaha... :) :) :)

received tis msg from my elder sis on the 14th of jan.....
"as i sat alone, the feeling of emptiness n loneliness gripped me juz like the cold weather.. but wen i tink of my frenz, a warm feeling embrace me juz like a blanket 2 keep me warm during such cold weather... thanks 4 being my fren.. have a great day ahead wif the ones u love... :)"

was kinda of shock... tot she msg the wrong person.. so... as my fone cannot msg out... i called her at her hp...

me: kin.. was tat msg for me? did u msg the wrong person?
sis: ya.. tat msg was for u.. and i did not msg the wrong person.... y?
me: no lah.. i mean... coz u said thx for being ur fren wat... and i am ur sis.. not ur fren.. so therefore i tot u msg the wrong person..
sis: well... tell me wat's ur definition for a fren...
me: erm............. erm...........(still erm-ing till now...)
sis: well... isn't a fren sumeon u confide to? i confide in u wat... so u are my sis and my fren...
me: (in my heart was like sooo touching.....)
and den we like.. ok.. haha... den wee hung up.... haha... so touching and funny........

well.. enough of the touchy2 and sweet part aite..

hmm....

2007-01-09T12:06:00.000+08:00

well3... late entry for the new yr... aniwaes... hapi new yr to all my frenz out there... new yr means back to skool... and here i am in my comp lab... only the 2nd week of skool and there are lots of projects awaiting to be presented and exams oso nearing.... and wif only 7 weeks of skool... i am so predicting tat i will be nuts soon.... argh!!!! wat a rush..... haiz..... and funny time table... design such as we are in skool studying for 6 weeks... attatchment 1 wk at IMH.. break 1 wk... and back to IMH for another 1 wk... and back to skool for 1 more wk... den exams!!! and den PRCP!!!!!!!! oh gosh............... i am sooo not prepared for all tis....

skool again... getting more silent.... no idea y... but dun feel like toking so much... prefer keeping tings to myself now... dun ask me y... coz i am afraid i dun have an answer to tat qn... and... wen i tink back... tis yr.. i will turn 20 yrs old... 20!!! suddenly feel so old... no more '1' in front of my age... and tinking back wat have happened in tis 20 yrs of life............ haiz.... will continue tis part of the blog wen it is my bdae........... interesting topic to blog on......

hmm.... will be bz tis final yr of my nursing diploma..... and i guess i jgot to go now... having lec in 45 mins time... and have to search info for my projects... so ya... take carez pple....

"the darkness in your life might be an encouragement to others... therefore share... coz sharing makes one learn..."

tinking too much...

2006-12-20T21:54:00.000+08:00

Hey there people… seems like a looooong time since I blog huh.. Hmm.. been reali bz… bz wif attachment… bz wif my probz… and bz wif my totz…. Been tinking a lot lately… dun noe why… been missing lotz of pple too… I do lotz of tinking actually… sometimes I juz dun understand myself…. Y do I tink a lot… haiz……. Weird me rite…

Niwaes… reali got lotz to blog down… but it be a reali2 looong blog… rather not den… dun wanna lose any of my frenz… juz becoz they read my long boring blog……

Letz juz start from recently…
Hmm…well.. now posted to OT… in CGH… scrubbed in for a case… luckily my staff nurse in charge was nice… she is willing to let me learn..... she taught me lotz… and luckily the surgeon was superbly nice… unlike some.. well.. aniwaes.. she is also willing to teach me… once I passed the surgeon the needle wrongly.. she say no.. telling me tat’s not the way.. some surgeons are juz harsh towards student nurses.. thankz tat she is not one of them..

Hmm.. left wif 2 more days in OT… den I will be at A&E… heard tat it was bz.. well common sense tat it is lah… muz be physically and mentally prepared…. Kinda of excited… hehe… hope tings will be all fine…

life reali changes very fast

2006-11-12T15:34:00.000+08:00

well.... its been almost a month since i last blogged.. it wa my exam period.. therefore.. i did not have time to blog.. after tat was hari raya.. bz studying.. and only a day i went out visiting.. den.. my comp gave me problems... now tat it is ok.. i have lots of things to blog abt.....

exams was ok.. 3055 was ok for me.. 3033.. kinda of sucky.. haha.. and 3032.. hmm.. was ok.. but did not reali have the time to complete all.. left 2 question.. which worth a total of 10 marks... kinda of blank.. wrote only a few sentance.. reali did not have time to finish it.. haiz.... dun wanna tink abt it animore.. waiting for the end of november to get my results...

24th october 2006...... a special date for me to remember.. firstly was becoz it was hari raya as you all noe.. haha.. and also a date which ended my life of being single.. hmm.. i got attatched to 'him' on the 24th october... at ard 3 plus in the morning... kinda of wrong timing for me to be attatched.. haha.. coz exams are juz ard the corner.. but i tried my best to plan my timing.. studied in skool.. and he was in camp.. therefore we did not reali have much time to tok and meet.. only during his break tat we tok to each other over the fone..

on friday... 27th of october... he booked out.. and we had our first date... he did not want to eat.. neither did i.. so we went to a place to have our own time together... we were under the sky.. so windy and cooling nite... i lay on his shoulder... and after a while.. i asked him...'dear.. am i heavy.. i do not want ur shoulder to have pain wen i rest on it..' guess wat he answered me... 'nah... u are not heavy dear.. many gerls rested her b4 u oreadi...'
wat a reply rite.. haiz.. i immediately sat down.. and refused to rest my head on his shoulder animore.. he smiled... and pulled be back on his shoulder.. he said sowe.. he was kidding.. i dun believe him.. but tried to put tat aside.. den after tat nite.. we went seperate way.. i took my bus and he took his bus.. was expecting him to send me back actually.. but nvr mind.. mayb he was tired.. den tat nite.. we kinda of fought.. there was tis major issue tat i brought up to him.. and it seems tat he was unhapi abt it... but honestly it was kinda of his fault.. niwaes... we managed to solve tings tat nite itself.. well should i say tat morning at abt 3 in the morning.. den the next dae.. was kinda of weird coz we juz fought the dae b4.. but i told him to forget abt it.. so we continued as per normal.. did not meet... chat only on the fone.. and sms.. i have to go visiting.. and he had open house to go to... sunday he had to book in again.. things went back to sms and fone call.. coz he is in camp.. and me in skool studying..

during our first week together.. he msg me tis...
"sayang.. wat will your answer be if i wanna get engaged to you?"
i was kinda of shocked to tis msg.. i mean.. reali.. my parents dun even allow me to have a boyfren.. now he wants me to be his fiancee?? wat was i suppose to tell my parents??
"mum.. dad... i want to get engaged????"
wat the hell rite?? haha... i told him.. it was reali easy if he wanted me to die early.. juz kill me or push me in front of a lorry... but not do tis to me.. he was kinda of sad tat i rejected.. but hey.. i have nvr imagine tat i will get enganged tis early.. and tat to be a wife of sumone in 2 yrs time... "NO!!!!!!!!"
everything was happening tooooooooooooo fast!!
well... we den had made plans to go dating again on sat 11th of nov... watch movie and have dinner together... at vivo... he said he had a surprise for me... he told me tat i am suppose to accept the surprise.. no matter how expensive it is... 99% of my fren told me tat it might be a ring and a bouquet of flowers.. and tat he might porposed to me.... except tis 1% of my fren who actually told me what he tot it might be... and it made me reali scared...

but guys... my journey being attatched have ended.. even b4 i saw wat the surprise was... it ended on the day of my last paper... b4 my last paper actually... we broke up at abt 5 plus in the morning.. it was kinda of saddening... but i was the one who chose tis path... therefore i cannot be sad.. and tat i muz be strong.. there was lotz of reasons as to why i should break up.. and there was barely any reasons for me to stay wif him.. for those of my frenz who knew the reasons.. they appreciated me for breaking up.. and for those of you who does not noe... its best tat you all juz see it as an emergency way out........

went out hari raya wif my poly frenz... on 3rd november.. hmm.. was still tinking abt our last conversation the nite of 2nd nov... actually his last words to me.. i kept quiet mostly during our conversation.. his words was kinda of harsh.. but i tolerated it.. i broke down in the bus at nite while wif my poly frenz ard.... i needed time to be alone... all tis was still kinda of traumatic to me.. but i guess i am adapting to all tis... i have to keep in mind tat i have to alwayz be strong.... well.. have to end here.. take carez people... and tis will end my entry for the day................

"i have alwayz wanted a guy to accept me for who i am and tat he will appreciate me for the person i am.. but i forgot the most important ting of all that he should be.... which is RESPECT.. tis word was absent in our relationship......"

Friends??

2006-10-20T11:10:00.000+08:00

Friends. A simple word isn't it? It's uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. Who are your friends? I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. I tot that friends are the people that touch ur heart and tat You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just becuase it was with them.

i tot they're the people you can share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, and just have fun with. They don't judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. They look at you and they see a great person, one they love spending time with.

hmm...... still wondering... not doubting but juz wondering..

well.. like i said.. things changed now so much.. i am not a person who likes to hurt others.. especially my friends.. i have been hurt many times by my friends.. still tolerating.. and continuing to.. hopefully i can.. and i will continue to.. but wen it reaches a point tat i am reali affected.. i will tend to remember tat particular incident.. and my perception of them will be changed.. now i prefer to be juz alone... and keep everything to myself.. got used to the loneliness... tat's y now prefer to juz shut my mouth and not tok tooo much... haiz... may GOD bless me.. insya allah... hmm............ shall not elaborate more.. hopefully they understand...

exams coming soon.. 1 week exactly away from today... got to study oreadi... wish me luck pple... and may GOD bless you alwayz...

oh ya.. btw.. yesterday will be a date for me to remember... a MUST!! haha.. remember my dear Mr. S?? hmm.. wrote him a raya card and baked him some cookies.. haha.. passed him during his werking hours.. haha.. after breaking fast.. wished him selamat hari raya after i passed him... and he wished me back too.. hahahaha... and with the smile tat i got once the other time... i love his smile.. haiz............ smile more for me ya... hehe.. take carez all.. and you too Mr. S.........

~Time Passes Reali FAST~

2006-10-14T13:07:00.000+08:00

hey there people.. hmm.. how life? hope tat u all fine... and tat you all are in good health despite the disturbing haze.. haha..

hmm.. i am left with 1 more week of skool before it closes for holidaes and attatchment.. oh and before all tis... is exams!!! which indirectly means tat i am left with less than 2 weeks before my paper starts....!!!! gosh... time pass reali fast... there are lots of tings tat is due tis week... some of them are...
1) my final year report... due tis mondae...
2) my acute presentation.. due tis tue
3) studying...!!!!.... due GOD noes wen...
4) skool ... tis fridae last dae.. :(

i am reali in a deep deep pile of shit.... ooppss... hehe... reali.. i have yet to start studying...!!! i have to promise myself.. tat after tuesdae.. which puts an end to all presentation.. i will have to start studying alreadi... planning to stay in skool.. to study till nite time.. haiz... its sooo tiring... but i have to do it... i wanna pass... i wan good results...haiz...
wish all my frens good luck for the coming exams.... hehe...

hmm.. some people change for the better... but others... change for the worse... i hate yo mention names... coz tat is the last ting i would do... HURTING PEOPLE'S FEELINGS... hate it... but if they are the cause of it... den i am sowie.. but to reali change my perception and feelings for them... lately.. i have seen major changes in people... few of them are changing for the better.... but then.. the rest of them.. i feel tat they have changed for the worse... i hate to see these changes... coz it affects me too... but all i can do is to keep it to myself.. reali... i prefer it tis way... well you may all tink tat tis is stupid.. coz the other party.. which is the people who is constantly changing... they might not noe how i feel... but for me.. if they noe me well.. they should noe.. i am i to tell them... if i noe tat it will end up hurting their feelings?? remember.. tat is the last ting i would do?? haiz..

well.. gtg people... wanna make sum more cookies for hari raya.. haha... take carez ya...

oh ya.. before i forget.. tis is for my dear fren...
hapi bdae to u..
hapi bdae to u..
hapi bdae to joanna..
hapi bdae to u..
muackz...

A Smile i Would Never Forget

2006-10-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

3rd of october.... a date to remember... you all muz be wondering y huh.. haha.. hmm.. might be a minor ting to you guys but its sumting special to me.. sumting i have alwayz been waiting for.. hehe..

hmm... still wondering wat it is? hmm.. shall keep you all reading tis blog... keep ya in suspense.. haha.. niwaes... i will reveal it soon.. btw.. guess i wanna blog abt love todae... even though i am not a good person to tok abt love.. coz i have nvr been into a relationship b4.. oh well... nvr mind..

sumone told me tis.....
'dun easily fall for guys.. coz i dun wanna see you get hurt again..'
well.. i guess its true tat i get hurt most of the time becoz of guyz.. and i eva got a comment from tis person.. after he heard tat i had feelings for tis particular guy for more than 5 yrs plus.. and he said...
'wow.. tat's long.. you are a very faithful gerl eh..'
haha.. tat's me... plain me.. dun like to hurt pple.. yet i get the opposite from pple.. aniwaes.. there is 3 guys on my list now.. haha.. chey.. jihan got list seh.. but den again.. dream on jihan.. my list will nvr become reality.. aniwaes.. back to my list... one is tis guy by the name of "Mr S".. the other one is "Mr F"... and the last one.. if i am not wrong is "Mr A"... hmm.... as you can see.. Mr S is on the top list.. haha.. coz i have a great crush on him.. and he is the main person i am blogging abt.. haha..

hmm...let's tok abt Mr F first.. haha.. he is from my batch nursing student.. haha.. he is cute.. very cheeky look.. cute lah.. but den again.. i dun noe if he likes me or not.. i tink he noes tat i exist.. but dun tink he noes my name or dun noe aniting abt me.. haha.. i tink lah.. so ya.. there are many more pretty gals ard him.. so i guess i can nvr appear on his wanted gals list...

next is Mr A... tis one.. i noe him and he noes me.. he shows me lots of care and concern... but den again.. i guess as a fren... so ya... there are many many obstacles as to y i and him can nvr be together... even though the obstacles are reversible... i guess i shall stick to wat i feel is right.. hehe.. but den again.. thankz for the care and concern shown to me.. hehe..

and... finally.. my dearest Mr S... hehe.. i guess his name is Mr S lah.. coz i only noe him as sumting else... hehe.. at first.. he does not noe tat i exist.. and tat i dun noe he exist.. till one dae i saw him.. hehe.. and i guess he saw me.. we keep seeing each other after tat.. my fren told me tat he kept looking at me.. haha.. but no one noes.. or mayb sumone noes tat i have alwayz been looking at him too.. haha.. niwaes.. the other dae.. i saw him.. i told him.. selamat berbuka.. which means.. hapi breaking fast... he smiled.. haha.. and he said.. u too... haha.. i was hapi lah.. haha.. den yesterdae.. wen i was lining up to buy sumting at mac.. i saw him.. and i saw him secretly looking at me.. haha.. tat was cute man.. he tip-toed at looked at me.. and wen i looked at him.. he looked away quickly.. hahaha... niwaes.. den tat happened 2 times.. den i sat down and break my fast.. after tat wen i am on my way out of skool.. i saw him again.. guess he juz finished smoking.. den we eyed contact and smiled at each other... hahahahahahaha.... oh gosh... if only pple could see the expression at our faces.. haiz.... i feel like melting.. haha... his smile was reali sweet.. haha.. i can nvr nvr nvr 4get tat particular dae.. i walked home wif my fren... wif a smile on my face and a big smile in my heart... haha.. i was damn hapi sia.. tis was the ting tat made me reali reali hapi.. and todae.. wen i was studying at mac.. he was there again.. hahahaha.. and he smiled again.. hahahaha... i am reali helpless... i reali have a crush on him.. but i can do noting.. absolutely noting.. haiz... but his face and his smile can nvr be forgotten.. haha.. hope for the best....

well.. gtg now.. hehe.. take carez pple.. having my practical tomorrow.. hehe.. hopefully his smile brings luck to me.. hehe.. will blog again soon.. hehe..

hello there people...

2006-09-28T20:59:00.000+08:00

hello there pple... hmm... long time nvr blog huh.. i am reali sowie guys.. have been bz and is still bz.. i noe u all might ask me how bz i am untill i cannot even blog.. well.. i have juz ended my final year presentation.. phew... at last.. it was reali a tiring one.. the day before the presentation.. only slept for 1/2 hour... woke up for my pre-dawn and left with my mum for skool... i reached amk.. my mum's canteen at abt 7.15..... reali early.. den reached skool at abt 7.45... waited for sumont to help me carry all the stuff... cannot manage alone... den it rained... haha.... waited for sumone to come.. den received an sms from my fren.. her uncle.. whom i noe.. and whom have watched me grow from a small kid to me now... passed away... :'( i am sowie to hear tat my dear... i was quite sad though.. even though i dun tok to him one... its juz tat i visited him in hosp wen he went into a coma the other dae.. a few mths back.. and wen i heard tat he was ok den.. i was reali hapi.. but now.. i am reali sad.. haiz... guess GOD loves him more den we do.. hopefully he will rest in peace and tat may he be with GOD loved ones... insya allah..

niwaes... the presentation turned out great!!! we started preparing the room at 8.30 in the morning..... early huh.. haha.. we wanted tings to turned out nice and prefect... so ya.... i painted the banner... we pasted the fire place... set the restaurant up... put the chairs and tables juz like in our floor plan.. den we pasted celophyne paper over the lights.. so tat the effect of the whole ting will be nice and coloured....we edited the slide show.. and we set the 'kitchen' up.. we did tat till 2.. wen we had to go for our lab lesson... den after tat at 4.. juz one hour before our presentation.. we started cooking.. here's the mistake... there was not enough time to cook.. and we were rushing like no one's business... at last... we manage to finish.. enough for the class... but did not finish up the ingredients... well... den each one of us put on a blazer.. and started our presentation.. oh ya.. the room had a nice incent smell... incent of a hundred flowers... haha.. the smell is super nice.. but guess they could not smell it coz we cooked and the smell faded.. haha... niwaes.. we had 3 types of food for them.. our signature dish.. mooncake and biscuit... made specially by me for my dear classmates.. haha.. ^_^... haha... they were all so hapi.. except tat i feel bad for the malay pple... sowie guys.. hmm.. shall post u the pics soon.. haha..

*its diff wen u understand other languages
*its even more diff wen pple keep on toking in front of u in other language...
*worst is tat u understand wat pple is toking abt u in other language..IN FRONT OF U...
*its painful to noe tat ur fren is toking bad abt u in front of u.. in other languages.. wen u understand it.. and keeping it all to urself.............

wateva is going to happened... i believe its all planned by GOD... by HIS OWN HANDS.. so therefore... i guess i will juz have to face it wif the flow... facing each dae of my life with patience and pride and faith... hmm.. gtg now.. tired.. wanna sleep.. take carez pple..

sorry pple

2006-09-23T17:33:00.000+08:00

hey there people.. i am soooo sowir for not updating.. have been reali bz.. hmm.. bz wif my projects.. and presentation.. hmm.. will reali update soon.. tis mondae will have my most major final yr presentation.. wish me luck pple.. haha.. will blog some pics soon.. take carez pple... MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYZ...

//?/???????////???//

2006-09-02T00:04:00.000+08:00

Life is WONDERFUL

Jason Mraz - Life is Wonderful
It takes a crane to build a crane.
It takes two floors to make a story.
It takes an egg to make a hen.
It takes a hen to make an egg.
There's no end to what i'm saying.
It takes a thought to make a word.
It takes words to make an action.
It takes some work to make it work.
It takes some good to make it hurt.
It takes some bad for satisfaction.
It takes a night to make it dawn.
And it takes a day to make you yawn.
It takes some old to make you young.
It takes some cold to know the sun.
It takes the one to have the other.
It takes no time to fall in love.
But it takes you years to know what love is.
It takes some tears to make you trust.
It takes some years to make it rust.
It takes some dust to make it polished.
It takes some silence to make sound.
It takes a loss before you found it.
It takes a road to go nowhere.
It takes a toll to know you care.
It takes a hole to make a mountain.
Life is wonderful.
Life goes full circle.
Life is meaningful.

heard tis song wen my sis blasted it the other dae.. haha.. the lyrics was kinda of nice.. felt in love wif the meaning of the song as well as the music.. haha.. you all should try hearing it.. its meaningfull.. take carez pple.. smilez alwayz...

traumatic sis of mine

2006-08-26T22:07:00.000+08:00

oh hello pple.. hmm... its been a reali reali long time since i update huh.. hmm.. been reali bz.. well.. i noe wum of u should be bored of hearing the same old reason of my bz-ness... but den again.. its true.......

hmm.. my elder sis was hospitalized... she had to go thru an operation.. hmm.. wat operation i shall not even mention.. hahaha.... niwaes.. she was admitted from the A&E on 21 of august... i came straight from skool.. was quite worried for her though... even though i kinda of noe tat it was a minor op.. but still.... she is my sis... and op... juz sound scary.. haha.. reached hosp at abt 5 plus... waited for the admittion procedure and the check up tingy... till abt 9 plus... warded to athe ward tat i have worked b4.. haha.. and saw sumone... hahahaha... niwaes..left the hosp only abt 11 plus... waited for the whole ting 2 settle.. sent aidil off till the main entrance... haha.... thankz aidil.. b4 tat both of us grabbed a sandwich to share and a drink for ourselves.. haha.. he bought 4 me..thankz... niwaes.. we sat and shared..was so hungry.. haven ate aniting since morning... wen i tot i saw my parents... i quickly asked him to leave.. haha.. i did not want my parents to see the 2 of us sitting together.. haha.. the whole tingy will be very complicated... den i ran up stairs.. haha.. and he went off..
den after abt 2 hours waiting for my parents... they reached and signed the form for the op.. and so did my sis.. haha.. she was so scared... i reali felt like sleeping wif my sis overnite.. bt i could not... dun tink it was possible though.. reached home at abt 12 plus... ate a bit and den went to bed..

den the next dae woke up early.. to visit my sis.. she went for op at 6am.. so i have decided to skip all my lec and visited her.. reached there at abt 10 plus.. could not go in actually.. but asked the cleck ar... haha.. reached there only got a scolding from my sis.. saying i was late.. haiz.. niwaes.. stayed wif her all the way till she was discharge.. except for lunch time.. haha.. me and aidil went down for lunch.. shared a plate of indian rojak.. while my sis was upstairs wif my aunt.. haha.. den i bathe my sis b4 her discharge... settled her discharge.. took a cab home together wif aidil.. den i rushed to skool..took the bus to inter wif aidil.. and waited for 72... and idiotically the queue was super damn long!!haha.. he waited till the bus came... and he went off after i borded the bus.. haha.. wen i reached skool... the class went in oreadi.. i was quite surprise by my class's reaction wen they saw me.. like they have not seen me for a long time.. haha.. quite surprising.. haha.. niwaes.. after tat den i found out tat the whole class actually noes tat i was in the hospital wif my sis.. no wonder tat reaction.. haha..

niwaes.. after tat whole tingy.. i was tinking.. wat will happen if i faint in the middle of a class?? i mean i noe it looks horrible... but all i wanna noe is wat will be the class's reaction? stare at me and say... "tis gal is a trouble maker...' or..'tis gerl is sooo irritating.. a nuisance' or wat?? hmm.... still wondering.......................................

????????

2006-08-16T16:27:00.000+08:00

hey there people.. hmm... its been a while since i updated... sowie... reali bz... hmm.. tis is our last yr.. so i guess we all will be reali bz..

hmm.. on 9 august was national dae.. haha... i was honoured enuff to go to the national stadium... all thanks to jo and melvyn.. hmm.. he got 2 tix.. christ was not free.. so she asked me along... haha.. was reali reali fun.. especially wif crazy joanna.. haha... it was fun... the best was the fireworks.. haha.. tat's the usual ting pple alwayz look out for during the national day celebration.. well... after tat was suppose to hang out wif them and have dinner together.. but den hor.... it was already late.. so i guess i have to give it a miss.. den went to meet my sis and we went home together... haha...

on 12 august... went out wif them again.. jo.. yn and jh... went to watch fireworks.. hmm.. reached there at abt 5 plus 6... was a bit early.. but den waited for the rest... waited for 1 hour plus!!!!!!! jh was late.. and so was jo.. haiz... i hate waiting alone... i dun mind waiting if u are late... but i need sumone wif me... as long as my fren or frens are ard.. i dun mind liao... but i had to wait alone... waiting for them.. haiz.. niwaes...

alone and invinsible

2006-08-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

i feel so alone...

so invinsible.....

as if i am transparent...

and tat no one actually noes me...

wat had happened to jihan?

does anione out there noe??

haiz...

there is tis group of pple....

i reali feel tat they are hapi without me around...

and wen i am ard..

i feel like they are being force to actually tok to me..

i hate tat feeling and dun like being treated tat way..

i rather not being tok to..

rather den being frced to tok to...

and wen i am at home...

i feel soo lonely...

i will alwayz be in my rm or in front of tis comp...

my mum and dad are bz...

my elder sis bz wif her stuff...

she alwayz tell me abt her stuff...

her sadness and hapiness..

i am hapi for her...

esp wen she is reali reali hapi... and i understand her....

but wen i wan to tell her wat is in my heart..

she will listen.. but den does not pay attention tat much..

and tat most of the time..

i will end up being blamed..

blamed for wat i did not do..

den where am i suppose to pour our wat is in my heart?

sometimes sadness and anger keeps on adding...

sumtimes diff to even breathe...

the only ting i can afford to do is to cry...

by doing so..

i am making myself relieve..

making me breathe a bit better...

but it does not remove aniting..............

everything is juz burried inside me....

haiz................

to all my frenz out there........

i am sooooo sowie if i ever hurt u all...

and irritate ani one of u...

its juz tat sumtimes i rather be alone and not tok...

tat's wen i am at the verge of bursting out and needs time to juz chill...

i apologise sincerely........ :(

i am dead yet still breathing??

2006-07-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

i cannot believe wat i have been tinking and guessing all tis while is true!!! guys come and go... typical!!!!! goodness me....... tis particular guy juz prove tat guyz cannot be trusted... sowie to the guys out there... but the fact still remains as a fact..... i juz simply dun understand guys... and i juz dun get wat is in their bloody head..............

WATEVER!!!!!!! haiz........ hmm.. went out wif my sis on tue.. coz she said she is stress... see pple.. wen pple are stress.. they have sumone to go out wif and to relieve their stress... but me?? i feel so invisible.... well.. mayb i am invisible... lotz of tings are like thru my head rite now... but i guess i will tell u all abt the conversation my sis and i had.... (i tell u i dun noe y i even had tis conversation wif her.....)

me: kin.. i have alwayz wonder y guys go for the outer beauty... and not the inner one.. y is the outer soooo important...even though the heart is ugly.. y kin??

sis: jihan.. to me the outer is important.. i will go for the looks... tat is like the no. one ting... coz tat's wat u will notice the first time u see a person.. is he is handsome.. or if she is pretty...

me: wat?? u will go for looks?? kin.. even though u are my sis.. we are like the total opp of each other...... y looks?? u might nvr noe the heart.. the heart might be good... or bad..

sis: ya.. in order to noe the heart.. u muz get to noe the person wat..

me: ya true.. but y the pretty gals get the advantage? y muz guys approach them first.. and not sumone ugly like me...

sis: u see jihan... if u wan to but a shirt.. which one will u pick between the 2... the nice and pretty one.. or the not so nice one? obviously u will pick the nice one rite? then will u touch the material to see if it is reali nice or not... from there u will noe if u wan to buy it or not rite?

so i guess pple like me reali have to look into the mirror huh... hmm.. wat my sis said makes sense... i am sad... reali sad.... haiz....

i once gave up in trying to build a relationship... the trust i had in him was broken juz like tat in front of my eyes... for quite sumtime i was reali sad... reali depressed... i was being fooled... i feel reali stupid... its like getting lost in a broad daylight... i told myself.. let's juz stop tinking abt guys for a while... mayb wen its time den i might consider... months pass by... and i seriously had no one in my tiny fragile heart... i did not want to take any risk.. coz i am afraid tat my heart will break again.. it has been so fragile coz its been glued back.. dun wan it to break again.. i am tired taking a reali long time to glue and heal my heart.. but den after months have passed... i met u.. and got to noe u...u are nice and caring.. not forgetting sweet... well.. tat's only becoz i look at ur heart.. (i guess??) if i am a bad gal... i will consider u due to ur history.. ur past.. and ur tatoos... but i did not care a single ting abt tat... i am not such person... i dun care abt all tat... after all u are still humans.. who makes mistake... oh well.... mayb i am juz too stooooopid... u noe wat... congratz for having ur name written in my book... my book of useless guys..... useless guys who does noting but hurt... hurting is their favourite past time... congratz... haiz... i guess i will end here.. my mum is nagging again.. dun noe why late she nags a lot.... she also simply hates me... haiz....................

hey.....

2006-07-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

well.. back here to blog.. after sum time for not blogging.. hmm.. tis will be a short entry... hehe.. need to finish up my projects and homework...

todae is his bdae... tis is for u...
"hapi bdae 2 u..
hapi bdae toi u..
hapi bdae to zul...
hapi bdae to u....."

well.. after 3 times of failed date wif him.. at last todae i went out wif him... haha... i booked him like one dae in advance.. and he cancelled all his plans wif his other frenz.. haha.. wanted to buy him a shirt.. or a wallet.. or a watch.. but den... did not buy ani in the end.. haha.. dun noe wat to buy... in the end we ended up at coffee bean cs and hang out there... treat him to a drink and we chat till abt 8 plus.. wen he had to leave for his fren's house.. so.. b4 sending him off to the train station.. i passed him the hand made bdae card specially for him.. it was a unique one.. hehe.. told him i am sowie coz there was no present.. he said it was ok.. he did not mind.. he said tat its better having sumone by ur side wif u hanging out together wif u den having a bdae gift wifout them by their side.. haha.. so ssweet.. well..hope he likes the card.. so.. i guess i will be stopping here.. wanna go continue wif my projects.. hehe sowie guys.. take carez...

*i hope i wun fall for him... PLZ........ i dun wanna be involved in a relationship now... coz i noe i wun go far wif him....i wun wanna be involve in sumting i noe will hurt me in future......

back to skool..

2006-07-05T12:24:00.001+08:00

hey there people.. i am back to skool at last.. hmm.. dun noe if i am suppose to be hapi or otherwise.. only the first dae of skool and the clinical lecturer was like telling us tat we will all be having a test in 2 weeks time... how can we still have a smile on our face? i noe tat it is our yr 3 tis yr.. and tat we are suppose to werk hard.. but tis is too stressing and too packed... tat have not include our final yr project and our stooooooooooooopid NAFPA test... ooppzzzz.... sowie for those who lurve tis "subject".... muz they have it in our 3rd yr? the yr tat we are most stressed out yr? the yr tat we need to do our best to acutally graduate wif flying colours?? simply CRAP! haiz.. and i guess i will not be blogging tat often oreadi.. even though i am alreadi not.. hehe.. i am alreadi starting to do sum research on my final yr project... hmm... wanna noe our topic? hmm.. "entrepreneurship in nursing....." how did tat sound to ya all? haha.. quite an interesting topic i should say... well.. should be going now.. wanna do sum research.. shall update ya all on tis... take carez people.. smilez alwayz...

"Live life o its fullest... enjoy all you wan.. but never forget GOD for wifout GOD.. things in life can NEVER go on smoothly..."

y am i dis way??

2006-06-26T19:33:00.000+08:00

i feel so down all of a sudden.. dun noe why buy ya.. the past memories seems to be haunting me back.. oh gosh.. i feel soo lonely lately.. feel so abandoned... i miz lotz of pple suddenly.. miz my old hapi go lucky self... anione care to find her for me? find me the JIHAN tat used to be hapi and hyper... thankz...

VIRAL GE!!!! GO AWAY!!!!

2006-06-17T22:07:00.000+08:00

hey there people.. hmm.. first of all... soo sowie for not updating... i have my reasons for not doing so.. let me explain to u... hmm... it started on thursdae... i felt sumting ewas wrong wif me.. sumting in me was juz not rite... hmm.. but i dun noe whta.. i did not reali have appetite to eat.. neither do i have the mood to do aniting.. all i was doing was my normal routine.. wake up.. go for my attatchment... den back home.. den on fridae nite... after chatting wif sumone till late at nite till abt 12 plus... i put down the fone and went to sleep...

i was awaken by my upset tummy... it was ard 4.30 in the morning...went to the ladies and vomitted... tis comes along with diarehoea.... it was terrible... i tot maybe i ate sumting wrong... guess it was only for one time... but i was wrong... i kept on running to the ladies every half an hour or so.... tis lasted till 8 plus in the morning.. i could not take it ani more... i pleaded my mum to bring me to the clinic downstairs... i was reali weak... i juz wore wat i was wearing.. had no energy even to put on my scarf... so i dragged my 2 feet down and had myself checked... i had viral GE... as a nurse.. i noe tat there is no antibiotic to cure the virus tat is in my body rite now... all the doctor could do is to prvent me from vomitting and my diarheoa... i had 3 meds in all.. den i dragged my feet back up... took the vomitting meds.. den went to sleep.. coz i reali had no energy even to finish up the other 2 meds tat i have.. b4 i could even sleep.. i woke up and ran to the ladies again... i vomitted all tat i had consumed earlier on.. i can reali feel tat i am dehydrated... oh gosh.. i was reali reali weak..my head aches a lot... reali reali a lot... i had sum cough.. but not tat much.. wen i cough.. my tummy aches.. especially my kidney area and chest area... i had to cough bit by bit.. den i went to sleep back.. after abt 1 hour or so..
i woke up again and u noe where i ran to.. diarhoea and vommiting.... these 2 things could not allow me to sleep... it went on and on and on till abt 2 plus in the afternoon... den i could get sum sleep.. but it did not last oso.. i was shivering... my temp went up.... the max temp tat it raised up to was 39.2 degrees.... i slept... coz i could not get up... at tat point of time... i juz wished my mum and dad would come and bring me to the hosp... i could not take it ani more... i wanted to voice out.. but the tot of being infused wif normal saline.. coz i was reali dehydrated...it oso means being poked wif needles and tat the doc would be taking blood and stuff... it juz made me think twice.. i rather suffer alone at home... well.. aniwaes... i was like a vege the whole dae..

the next dae too actually... but i forced myself up to follow my parents to my dad's family dae.. still got fever.. and nausea... but juz dragged myself... den went home and became vege back.. fever went up again.. and my visits to the ladies increased.. oh well.. i have to go to werk tomorrow.. soo i went to sleep... but it was for a short while.. coz i was awaken by the commotion made by my parents and the crys from my sis... the 2 of them was sick now.. my elder sis and my youngest sis... oh gosh.. i felt guilty.. i am sori.. they both had to go to the 24 hours clinic.. got a jab but yet still vomitted... hmm.. i woke up the next dae at abt 4.. went to the ladies again.. and bathe as well coz i had to get ready for werk.. i went to werk despite having fever and my nausea feeling was still present... did not reali eat much coz still had no appetite.. went back home and slept.. the next dae was no diff.. i was still feeling the same.. but i had to be strong and not eak.. coz i need to face the patients who is oso sick.. need to put a smile on their face.. so therefore i have to smile first... well.. on wed.. my fever had reduced.. and my nausea had faded.. not totally but at least a bit.. my tummy still aches... and wen i cough.. my tummy and kidney area still had pain... my fever and nausea and diarhoea is gone..

yesterdae was the last dae of my attatchment.. and i feel so sad to leave th cute babies.. they look so innocent wen they are sick.. and it hurts to leave them.. haiz.. i hope to be able to werk there wen i grad later.. toking abt grad.. i will be involved tis coming mon for the nursing graduating dae... i am soo excited.. hehe.. i camn see sumone.. hahahaha.. well.. gtg now lah.. kinda of late oreadi.. haha.. take carez...

2/06/2006.. a date to remember...

2006-06-03T19:48:00.000+08:00

well... hello there pple... its been reali a long time since i blogged... hmm.. been bz wif attatchment... fell ill.. and my comp is also down... haiz... well.. now my comp is ok oreadi.. and so am i.... hehe.. was down wif bad flu the other day.. but still went to werk.. my personal plumber was on leave... so no one to fix my leaking nose... den my comp was in a safe mode... dun noe why and dun noe wen... now my comp ok.. my dad's fren came and fixed it oreadi.. and i am also ok oreadi.. hehe.. except tat i am juz sad... for quite a number of reasons...

1. i have ended my attatchment at cgh...
2. i left some lovely patients of mine...
3. one of my patient had to undergo a surgery... which breaks my heart...
4. keep tinking abt tis particular patient which i pity soo much....
5. i had to leave my lovely and caring staff nurses at tat ward..
6. misses my sec skool gal frenz so much..
7. suddenly felt lonely....

basically i am starting to miz tis ward... wen it has only been 1 dae since i left tat ward.... haiz......

den my weekends at home is now turning into a bz bz week end.. coz for the past 3 weeks, me and my family has alwayz been cleaning.. clean and clean.... haha... the first wk, on sat...we cleaned the store... oh gosh... tat was reali tiring... we threw lotz of stuff and rubbish... den on sun.. me and my sis and my dad had the van cleaned... for 6 solid hours.... damn... we were soo tired... we washed.. and polished it..... after tat.. me and my family went out.. haha.. kewlz huh... then the 2nd week... we cleaned our house again... mopped.. vacuum... and cleaned... my cabinet which is stuck on the wall... came 45 degrees down.... so lucky tat there was a window and the side.. and tat the cabinet got stopped by the window... if there was no window... i can so imgine where i would be now... most prob in cgh... or mayb undergoing a surgery... hahaha... [touch wood manz..] the following dae.. which is on sun.. we slacked a bit here and there..since we were tired on the previous dae... and oh ya.. we went out again... den tis wk... i cleaned my room... and the house... tis time round.. it is a bit minor... not tat much.. haha..
well... i guess tat's all i have to write for now.. i have to go and get ready... me and my family gg out.. again...hehe.. take carez pple...

oh my gosh!!

2006-05-11T22:38:00.000+08:00

i so feel like bursting out now!!!!! only my elder sis understand how i feel.. coz only she and me understands each other now!!! on gosh......... to my younger sis congratz... u are hapi now whereas the both of us feel so sad... haiz..... i dun noe how to describe the feeling but my elder sis understands me.. hope for ur best my dear elder sis........ hope for mine too ya..... i am sooooo going to burst out ani time soon..... oh gosh..... i have been ready.. but now.. i am tinking twice abt it...*sobz*........*sobz*....... well... only GOD noes... coz everything has been plan..... insya allah..(if GOD allows...)

niwaes to add to my sadness todae... i have to leave all my patients in tat ward... coz its my last dae.. i hate it manz.. i tear leaving behind my one and only godgrandmum... she is nice.. loving... and i have to leave her.. she is sad... she worries if there will be animore pple like me taking care of her next wk... haiz... i will miz u nenek... she kiss me on my cheeks goodbye... kiss my hand... and made me promise to come to her house... wen i walked down the corridor... i turned to look at her again... and she waved at me.. wif her face looking soo sad... and sooo pityful.... *sobz* *sobz* i will soooo miz her manz.. hmm.. gtg now... reali feel sad... especially the first prob....!!!!.... take carez pple...

i am tired.....

2006-04-29T21:40:00.000+08:00

hey there people.. hmm.. its been exactly 10 daes since i blogged.. hmm.. guess i am bz huh... tis week started attatchment... haiz.. i am soo tired.. it feels tat tis time round's attatchment is more bz... only 4 student nurses.. no ITE nurses.. well.. its ok actually... auditing is also going on.. so.. its double the werk... everythings suppose to be perfect.. afternoon was ok.. quite bz.. till i forgot to go for break.. haha.. coz we had to make our rounds to change the patients.. u noe wat i mean pple.. den i went half an hour late.... at 6.30.. supposedly.. no breaks after 7.. so dun care if u are bz or not.. u have to go for ur break.. and if u go late.. den ur prob.. wat eva man tis ward... cannot bluff our timing.. coz we had to sign in and out even for break......... funny rite?? wateva lah... den...mornings are even more bz... alwayz have shorter breaks... muz get use to it lah... coz wen i pass out later.. i will definitly have short breaks too... coz patients come first to me..seriously... well.. guess some staff nurses juz dun appreciate tat...

well... nowadays i juz feel like letting out wat i tink.. wat i am unhappy abt and wat irritates and makes me sad... dun noe why.,. but ya.... and my mum is super sensitive lately... i honestly hate it.. well.. i hope tis season will pass soon... i feel like letting all tat is in my heart out manz.. but unfortunately i juz can't..

well.. guess i better end here for now.. tired coz juz now went to my bro house.. haha... had a great time there.. even though it was fer a short while.. and guess wat.. i took tis pic.. sooo cute.. my nephew... haha... cute rite..

haha.. tis is me trying to bottle feed my nephew... haha.. i like the way he stares at me.. so cute and adorable.. haha...

Everything'S OVER!!!!!

2006-04-19T22:52:00.001+08:00

i dun noe if i am doing the right ting... but wat i noe is tat i have done it and tat i will not turn back and regret.... once i have spitted... i will not lick it back.. i have to promise myself to stand wif tis saying... coz i have alwayz done tat.. spitted and den licked back.. coz i have alwayz tot tat i will have a 2nd chance.. but i was wrong...

hmm.. gathered all my courage yesterdae and wrote him a 2 page long letter... 1423 words in total.....i mean if he does not wan to make ani move.. den i guess i will.. i mean i said sumting.. and he reacted drastically... well.. i might be in the wrong to call him a 'stalker' but i mean wat i said always has a reason.. and i have stated the reasons in tat letter.. i hope he understand.. i wrote from the begginning.. from how we met.. and how i had feelings for him and how we both became veryu close... and how we both had feelings for each other... it continues till the period we did not reali contact each other... which was for abt a few daes.. or mayb a week.. and how i found out tat he is attatched back wif his ex.. and how i feel.. reali betrayed... and tat later after a few weeks or so.. or maybe 1 or 2 months he contact me back... everything was out on tat letter.. i mean i juz have to let out wat was in my heart.. i dun noe if it hurts him.. but honestly.. i dun care animore.. coz i tink i have cared for him for very long... cared abt him and his feelings.. coz i sayang him too deeply tat i dun wan to eva hurt his feelings.. but now, i guess i have to tink abt myself too.. since he nvr spare his thoughts for me.. i guess??? he is reali like chips more cookies....now have.. den gone.. (malay saying..kejap ader.. kejap takde..) hmm.. why do all tis have to happen to me? i mean why am i soo stoopid to actually love and care for him so much.. wen i actually get noting in return... not tat i am asking for but at least... haizzzz...

i actually begged him to forget me.. and to delete me froom his contact... and to nvr contact me eva again.. coz it was hard for me to forget him.. and wen he appear back... i tned to miz him.. and remember him.. tis is me..the stoopid, useless and weak jihan.. but wat can i do? tat's y i begged him at the last paragraph of the letter.. juz to forget me.. end all tat we had.. if we eva had aniting... i dun wan to have sleepless nite animore.. i dun wan to wake up the next dae wif swollen eyes... and i dun wan to cry everytime i tink abt the past.. i dun wan to have ani more false hopes... and i wan to wake up from my dream.. a bad dream tat i will nvr forget.. i hope i will and tat i can do wat i wanna do.. i am asking him to do one ting... forget me.. i juz wanna be able to smile again.. and be hapi... tat's all.. oh GOD.. plz give me the courage to overcome my fears and sadness... i wanna live my teenage life to the fullest.. plz...

well.. gtg now.. hope i will update u guys soon.. take carez pple...

...words for the dae...

guys are nothing to us....

they are juz problems and sadness...

so wen u face a problem wif them..

or u are sad coz by them...

dun be shocked....

*p.s. taken from my frenz frenster... hehe.. take carez pple..

i am lost........

2006-04-19T01:28:00.000+08:00

i dun noe why i am here but all i noe is tat i am here.. i feel like blogging abt wat had happened lately... but i dun have the mood i guess...so i tink i better leave not.. sowie..

it was such a tiring dae!!

2006-04-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

oh gosh.. my legs are dropping out from its joints... it is screaming for help.. it is sooo wanting to rest.. badly... haiz.. toidae is my first dae at werk.. and its soo tiring.. haiz.. hope i can endure it till sundae.. guess i have to get use to erking life again.. its been a while since i werk so i suppose my body is juz not use to it.. hehe.. my hands got tear here and there.. blisters a bit... hmm.. quite tough huh tis job.. well.. actually i juz got home.. and i have to go and bathe and get my sleep... tomorrow another 13 hours at werk... phew............... ok pple.. sowie but gtg now.. my heads ache oreadi... will update u all again.. take carez...

A SHOCKING ExPeRiEnCe!!

2006-04-11T16:46:00.000+08:00

well3... hello there people... hmm.... how are u all? hope tat u all are fine.. hmm.. todae is mondae.. offically the first dae of my break.. not inclusive of the previous sat and sun.. reali want to go out badly.. dun noe where my destination is but ya.. i juz wanna go out.. dun wan stay at home.. wanna escape from my mum.. hehe.. i noe i am bad.. sowie lah.. but can't help it lah... hmm.. aside from tat bad reason of mine.. i oso wan to have fun and relax... coz its been reali reali long since i go out and enjoy myself.. trust my guys.. i reali mean LONG.. (well tat doesn't include the time wen me and my frenz went out for ice skating.. remember my blog? my lost bdae celebration?) skool's been bz... no time for fun..

my cuzin is also having her break week.. so its juz nice huh... we will be gg out together.. enjoy ourselves... but den................ my mum said.." sitting at home is better jihan.. dun go out.. waste time.. its not as if u have money..." i was like????? she said it will be more useful if i stayed at home and clean my room... do sumting useful... den she said my cuzin oso have to clean her house... how on earth does she noes?? haiz... she reali does not allow me to go aniwhere manz.. ish... den cannot do anithing.... but still went out for a while wif my elder sis.. went to the police post.. (NPP) to report on my stooooopid ex boss tat still owes me money.. den the police told us to go straight to the MOM.. haiz... den we took a bus down to the interchange.. went to buy some stuff... den my sis bought tea.. and we ended up at a void deck... while toking to her.. the both of us suddenly heard a loud sound.. we den went and look wat i saw was reali unbelievable... i could not believe my very own eyes..

i saw sumone lying on the floor... at the edge of the pathway... she tried to commit sucide.. and was believed to have jumped down from the 5th floor.. since the 5th floor's window was open.. she was reali pale... reali reali pale.. my elder sis was reali panic..she was like pulling my sleeve.. asking if i could do sumting.. since i am a nurse.. but i guess she forgot tat i am a STUDENT nurse.. she was soo panicky.. haiz.. she can nvr be a paramedic.. i tried to stay calm coz i have to from now on.. my ambition is to be a paramedic.. :) some pple might juz be laughing out there huh.. its ok.. i shall prove it to u all if GOD allows me to.. hmm..well.. back to tat poor women.. a police officer came to us standing nearby.. asking if ani of us saw wat happened.. tis boi.. i guess abt 11 yrs old? he said.. tat he saw the women on the top of the air con (the one outside ur room window...) den she jumped down... den i stared at her... hoping tat she was still moving.. coz there was no blood ard... den later she moved her arm... i was a bit hapi... hapi for the fact tat she was still alive lah... not for the fact tat she jumped down.. niwaes... her face was reali pale.. den wen the police came.. tok to her.. she mover.. in fact she wanted to stand up.. but she was moaning in pain.. den wen the ambulance came.. they turned her.. oh.. tat was wen i realised tat there was blood.. not much but a bit... due to her broken rt arm.. her rt arm was practically under her body.. and obviously it is broken.. they cut her shirt.. made it into an arm sling.. den put the ting over her neck.. to protect it if there is any neck injury.. den the paramedic used sumting to carry her.. i have no idea war tat ting was.. they used it to carry her onto the stretcher... her legs and hands were all very pale.. haiz.. i pity her manz... wish her all the best.. hopefully she will live peacefully... well.. gtg now.. hmm.. update u all again soon.. take carez...

~WORDS FOR THE DAE~

in life.. you only have 2 breathes...

one is in and the other is out..

breathe in all the fresh air...

and breathe out the polluted ones..

live life to the fullest...

coz u might never know...

if the breathe u are taking...

is ur last one eva...

EXAMS ARE OVER!!

2006-04-09T19:13:00.001+08:00

hey there people.. at last exams are over.. phew... but dun noe if i am suppose to be relieve yet.. exams are over but results are not out yet.. haiz.. tis is another issue tat worries me.. hmm.. let's juz wait for the sms from the skool..

now having my 2 weeks break... b4 my 2 months attatchment... cannot wait for my KKH attatchment... sooo impatience to see the cute babies.... hehehe... oh well.. juz wiat lah huh..

i dun noe if i am going to enjoy the 2 ws holidaes tat i am having now.. all my frenz are like looking foward for tis holidaes.. but me? i dun noe.. my holidaes started wif my mum nagging... oh GOD ..... plz let me survive tis 2 weeks of break... haiz.. y do my mum not understand me? why does she have to nag? y do most mum nag? y? y? i have yet found an answer... if i do the good things for her... she rarely sees them.. but when i do a small mistake.. she will make a big fuss out of it... and oh ya.. she will also bring back the past.. my mistakes in the past.. not caring if it is related to my mistake or not.. tat's bad huh? haiz... wish she could reali undestand me.. sumtimes i juz feel like gg out.. and not staying at home.. cannot tolerate my mum sumtimes.. but gg out needs money.. and tat i dun have too.. now i am stuck at home... and have to tolerate my mum's lecturing... argh!!

next week on wed.. to sun.. got job at expo... phew.. tat saves me.. even for only a week.. but it is better den nothing manz.. soo looking forward to it.. u all are welcome okiez.. haha.. hmm.. guess i have to go now.. will update u guys soon.. coz my dad is beside me now.. dun wan him to see me blog abt his wife huh... later i will get lecturing from him oso... take carez pple.. bubbyez.. and to all my NYP nursing students.. have a great break.. and to those who have attatchment.. enjoy okiez..

my new blog skin!!

2006-03-26T18:44:00.000+08:00

hey there people... hmm.. juz finish doing my blogskin.. hehe.. nice a not? juz like the colour contrast.. black and green.. how nice can it be rite? haha.. lately i have started liking green.. kewlz.. yeeeeaaaa!!!! okok.. hmm..

lately rite.. i have been tinking of sumone.. weirdly lah... not tat i miz him.. but dun noe y i am juz asking myself wat actually happened between us.. hmm.. there's lots of mixed feelings actually.. angry for the way he treats me.. sad for the way i have been treated... confused for y he had to treat me tis way.. juz finding the reason for all tis... hmm.. and to add on to tis.. i heard a song by BSB.. which reali suits tis mood of mine and the situation i am in rite now.. hmm.. the song is memories.. not reali a popular song.. but a nice one indeed.. the first paragraph of tis song lyrics is reali for him... as far as i noe.. i did nothing wrong.. it was him who betrayed me.. being together wif another gal without me even noeing it.. the dreamz and experience tat we had juz went down the drain... he stabbed the dreamz tat we had once built... but y?? tis is the only reason i had alwayz wanted to know.. haiz..............tis is part of the lyrics..

Does it really matter if you got it right?
Does it really matter who was wrong or right? (yeah)
All I know, yes I know that I can make it through
What about you?

There's a placeI can't let go
Holding all the dreams I used to know
I wish it was the same
I guess no one's to blame
But I, I'd do it all again

and another song is almost here.. by delta goodrem.. tis song is reali reali nice.. and it also matches the situation i am in now.. hmm.. feels tat these songs juz understand me at tis point of time.. he came without me knowing.. we fell in love without us realising.. i was the one who was there alwayz to cmfort him and lend him my ears and shoulders wen he was down.. cared for him and unknowingly.. fell for him... gave him the warmth and love.. but tis is wat he gave me in return.. haizzz...well.. here are the lyrics....

(Brian)
Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

(Delta)
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

Bruise and battered by your words (brian
Days are shattered, how it hurts and delta)

Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted (brian)

tis last song is by destiny's child.. brown eyes... part of it is tis... the words he eva told me is juz soo touching.. so sweet and loving.. but i did not expect it to end it tis way... haizzzz....

remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you know that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts

i dun noe how am i suppose to figure it out... coz we are no more in contact rite now... he eva told me sowie and tat told me tat we could be frenz.. it hurts but i noe i have to except the fact... wif heavy hearts i continued tis life of mine.. there was once i msged him wishing him sumting... and his reply was..."who's tis?" i was like... wat the ****....... dun even remember me.. GREAT... PERFECT.... from tat dae on.. i decided well maybe he juz doesn't want to have aniting to do wif me ani more.. wel tat was wat he said once... but tat was way b4 we decided to be frenz.. the dae wen we we not in a reali good term.. haiz.. wat is reali happening to me?

lately i juz feel tat i am invisible.. like no one sees me around ani more.. maybe they are juz sick and tired of me? well.. if tat is the case.. sowie if i made u all sick.. hmm.. to those who still wanna read my blog.. ur most welcome.. hmm.. guess i gtg now... but i will not be blogging for the next few daes.. or maybe weeks.. coz i am having my examz... pray for me ya pple... appreciate it lotz.. take carez...

wat a week.........

2006-03-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

hey there people... hmm... its been a reali long time since i blogged huh? hmm.. been bz lah lately... haiz... got 3 test to 2 presentations to prepare for... aiyo.. y lah our skool like tis.. pple all having break.. den we got skool.. tat nvr mind lah.. but hor.. our time table like S***... soo packed... make us rush all in a few weeks.. we humans ok.. not robot ok.. haiz........... nvr mind... onli left wif 1 more yr b4 i graduate... hopefully... hehe... well guess i will go thru wat happened briefly...hmmmmmmmmm.......

6th march... a special dae for me.. a dae when my age increase by 1 more yrs old... haha.. received lots of 12 midnite wish..thankz to all ya.. tat nite nvr go to sleep... not coz i was waiting for sms wishes.. but was studying... having bio test on tue.. study like mad.. (and got the results back... hapi tat i pass.. but sad tat it was not a great pass.. ) oh well... nvr mind.. guess i have to study harder... aniwae.. at skool received a bdae gift from my cliques..(a bag i have always wanted..plus brooch and necklace..)... my cuzin..(a pooh binnie bolster and a fury bag..) my classmates...(a box of chocolates)....at home received bdae gift from my parents.. (attatchment shoes)... my elder sis..(necklace and cake....) THANKZ GUYS....LOVE YA LOTZ AND LOTZ...
7th march... got bdae gift from my sec cliques... thankz effa.... oh ya.. its a wallet.. i am using it now... hehe..
9th march.. my sec skool fren gave me a bdae gift.. 3 bracelet... thankz shena...
11th march... tis dae is such a great dae for me... very memorable dae...... was sitting in the living room eating maggie.. b4 preparing to go to my frenz house.. den my sec skool best frenz called...she was telling me tat she needed help.. i said wat was it.. i am listening.. she sounded very sad though.. hmm.. den i asked her to tell me wat i can do to help her.. she laughed and asked me to look out of my door... to my surprise.. they were there... the 3 of them... hahahaha... i was sooo shocked... they all so cute.. stood in front of the door holding a bdae cake singing a bdae song for me.. whahaha.. how cute can tat be? haha.. love them soo much.. den i immediately changed into sumting presentable.. hehe.. den we sat and had quite a long chat... well it could be longer actually... but i had plans.. suppose to meet jian hao and char to study.. haiz.. was late.. hehe..sowie.... so ya.. 3 of us took bus 9 together den one alighted at simei and the both of us went down at bedok and separated from there... hmm... niwaes.. i enjoyed tat dae a lot.. they made my dae.. i miz ya all sooo much guys.... i guess tat's it for now.. will update soon ya.. sowie.... oh ya.. btw... tis are sum of the pictures we manage to snap b4 leaving.........

ooppss..sowie a bit blurrrrrrr.....

....fashiha.. me and suriani..

...suriani..me.. zaf...

....fashiha..me.. zaf...

OH MY GOSH!!!!

2006-03-03T12:41:00.000+08:00

1st of march..... obviously a dae tat i will not 4get... eva... coz its the most memorable dae for me.... let me tell you wat happened..............

its a wednesdae.... so my frenz asked me out for ice skating... they said tat on a wednesdae the price is cheaper.. so i guess its fine wif me.. trying sumting new... but the fear in me is controlling me.. itsa like a barrier for me to go.... dun noe why.. but i am juz soo scared to go... scared of falling down and being laughed at.... haiz.. me and my fear.... so ya.. aniwaes... at first i tot of backing out... but den they forced me and said tat if i did not go they will not tok to me.. hmm... guess i have no choice but to overcome my fear... and guess wat.. the nite b4 the skating dae.. i fell... on my butt.. ouchhhhhhhhhh..... my mum lah.. hang the clothes on the baboo pole.. and the water dripping... den i walked and slipped and ended on my butt... *sobz* .....ouch......

the dae is finally here... 1ST OF MARCH.......prepared to go.. woked up a bit late actually... den quickly prepared and went out... bus 28 was super slow... and i reached there late..... sowie guys..... den took 66 to jurong...... super far!! but well luckily had my frenz in there... still can chat.. hahaha... reached there late.. and the ret have started skating.. haha... sowie... hehe.. okok.. it was super cold... the entrance ticket was paid by them.. den i asked how much.. she say later can pay.. so i tot ok lah.. later oso can.. den bought the gloves and took the skates.. the experience was fantastic... each of us fell at least once.. and luckily me i fell the smallest times.. which is one lah.. haha.. den we all decided to leave tat cold place at abt 4 plus 5.... got ready and den left for bugis.. they all wated to eat.. i have no idea where we are heading to but ya.. i juz followed them.. haha... wen we reach bugis, i was still asking them where we are eating.. and i did not get ani reply.. none of them gave me a specific answer... each of them was like.. dun ask.. juz follow.. i was puzzled.. and remained puzzled all the way till we reach tat place.. it was SEOUL GARDEN.... i was like.... oh my gosh..... my first time allowing my feet to step in there.. (ya i noe i am very back dated...) hmm.. planned to only drink coz i have no money.. it is very expensive.. so ya.. sat there.. but was reali lost.. and den they did not allow me to go aniwhere.. juz sit there and take care of their things... well.. i agreed coz i am not eating ani way.. so ya.. they came back wif their drinks which includes mine.. den they went to take the foods.. i realised tat the foods are all raw... i am beginning to feel more lost.. as usual lah.. me the blur sotong... den found out tat we are suppose to do the cooking.. whahaha... at last this blur sotong found out.. den all of a sudden they all forced me to eat.. they all cook and put in my plate... i felt bad coz i did not pay.. so i guess it is not rite for me to eat for free... haiz.. but the way they say juz makes me feel bad too... coz they cooked for me oreadi.. and i nvr eat... i am in the centre of nowhere.. so well.. i guess i juz eat the food tat they oreadi cok for me.. we were there till abt 9 plus.. wen my MUM called.. haiz.. as per normal.. nag and nag and nag..... ask me wat i am doing in bugis.. ask why i still not home yet... and bla..bla..bla.. den i told her i will be home soon.. obviously after being nagged at rite.. my face black ar.. den they all decided to tell me the truth... not by words.. but by singing... LOUDLY....... and the song goes like tis...
hapi burfdae to u..
hapi burfdae to u..
hapi burfdae to jihan..
hapi burfdae to u...

i was super shock!!! coz my bdae not here yet!! and they said my bdae falls on a mondae.. and it will be very late to celebrate it... so ya.. so.. from the morning till now.. it was all part of my bdae celebration... oh gosh!!!!! i am seriously very touched... tis was the most lost yet memorable celebration eva... thankz guys....

gtg now guyz.. update u more soon...

a dae out wif my best frenz...

2006-02-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

phew... i am juz soo tired.. yesterdae went out wif my 2 best frenz.. hmm.. went to suntec to look for job.. den one of them had to go for her bible study.. sent her off at the mrt station.. den left the 2 of us.. we did some window shopping... den had my reali late breakfast and late lunch... was abt 4 like tat.. den we walked to coffee bean!! yea!!! pampered myself wif my favourite drink there... black forest ice blend... lurve it lotz!!!1 hehe... den we walked and did sum more window shopping... saw tis reali nice bag..... but it is $32.... so expensive... haiz.. wen will i be able to go shopping? there's lots on my list rite now.. haiz... den we took bus no. 10 back.. he dropped at temasek sec and transfer a bus back to his home.. me dropped at tamp interchange b4 transfering to bus 291.... sowie ya yue ning.. coz i was late.. den u cannot join us.... :( shall go out one more dae okie?

at nite my uncle came over to help us service our air con.. esp. mine..... its been leaking for mths!!!! irritating air con... only want to be pampered... haiz.. soooo tired after 4 hours plus of servicing 3 air con...

tomorrow is the start of my 1 week break... but guess i will spent my holidaes studying and completing my projects... wat a holidae rite? ish..ish..ish... ok lah.. gtg now... take carez pple..

words for the dae

For everything you have missed,

you have gained something else,

and for everything you gain,

you lose something else...

~i Am wEaK~

2006-02-22T17:49:00.000+08:00

hey there people... hmm.. soo tired after a reali heavy half week... on saturdae went over to my aunt's house.. my uncle had an accident.. haiz.. AGAIN!! haiz... luckily not bad.. not physical injury seen.. went to visit him.. and see how things were.. and guess wat.. went over together wif my posters... for my monday's presentation.. amazing huh... hahaha... niwaes.. went back at abt 10 plus...came back home and continued wif the project... slept at abt 2 plus like tat.. den on sun.. went out wif my sister.. bought black shirt 4 my presentation the next dae.. den came back 4 plus.. met nurul and pass her the part she needs to do for the presentation... den did the project till late at 3 plus in the morning...had only abt 2 hours of sleep.. wake up to go to skool!!argh!!! i am sooooo sleepy.. my life is like only wif the project... other people's life is being together wif the loved ones.. but me... together wif the project!! sooo boring... but well.. i guess tis is all part of poly life.. hmm..

on mondae.. i felt like my world is like turning.. and tat i dun noe wat is happening to me.. during my presentation.. the lecturer bombarded me wif lotz of qns... i was like... OMG!! tat dae wen we go and see her.. she say everything is ok.. seems fine.. but den she now asking me super lots of qns... haiyo.. i showed her my damn pissed off face manz.. i felt like bursting out in front of the class sia.. i already put in lotz and lotz of qn.. and tis is wat i get in return... oh gosh... plz help me... well.. den now she say we juz have to add in the stuff tat we missed out for the presentation... so guys... guess i need to have another grp meeting liao.. sowie for being a bad leader... :(

for the whole of tat dae rite.. i was feeling sick.. sumting in me was juz not rite.. i juz felt like vomiting.. or maybe not.. my head hurts a lot.. felt like being crushed.. i dun noe why.. it is reali hurting.. y is all tis happening to me? do u all noe how an over worked machine is? yupz.. tat's me... haiyo.. next week got break.. but it doesn't seem like a break... got presentation to finish up.. got test to study for.. haiz.. soooo bz liao.. break will be only one week... expect us to do soo much things..... *fainted* got feel earthquake? hehe.. sowie.. juz fainted.. now ok oreadi.. hmm.. juz need a break for now.. plan to go for a movie wif my sis next week.. hmm.. dun noe if it will still be on.. i bz lah.. so guess have to go now... wanna go have my dinner.. my lunch and breakfast was a bread and some wedges juz now.. juz came back from jogging.. bear-footed and in my jeans.. hahaha.. funny rite... nvr mind lah.. got to go now liao.. sowie guys.. take carez... bubbyez...

...Words For The Day...

Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix...

but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself...

And that's a lot...

Because if you can fix yourself...

it has a ripple effect.

?I aM ToRN?

2006-02-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

Hey there people.. hmm.. how's life? hope u all are fine.. hmm.. remember i wrote once abt my buddy? hmm.. i am ok oreadi wif him.. he actually did not noe wat actually happened.. but well.. hope tings between us will be fine alwayz.. hmm.. thankz to the 'fren' who tagged at his tagboard.. suspect tat that 'fren' is one of my fren.. hmmmmm..... well.. todae felt like blogging abt tis song here.. tis song here is sang by the SHS IDOL.. which is my fren.. izyan.. felt in love wif it since the first time heard it.. and by the second time i heard her performing it.. i was like.. "WAT SONG IS TAT?!!?? I WANT IT!!!" hehe.. lurve it soooooooooo much.. hope u all like it ya.. take carez people..

I thought I saw a man brought to life

He was warm, he came around like he was dignified

He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldn't be that man I adored

You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for

But I don't know him anymore

There's nothing where he used to lie

conversation has run dry

That's what’s going on, nothing's fine I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late, I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right

Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light

But you crawled beneath my veins and now

I don't care, I have no luck,

I don't miss it all that much

There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late, I'm already torn. Torn.

There's nothing where he used to lie

My inspiration has run dry

That's what's going on, nothings right, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor

You're a little late, I'm already torn

......i aM SiCk......

2006-02-12T23:06:00.000+08:00

oh gosh....i am sick again.. tis weekend is reali a terrible one for me manz... haiz.. getting from bad to worse... have u all experienced a terrible pain in ur throat... a reali bad one... yupz.. tat's wat i was going thru on fridae.. could not reali tok.. my throat hurts a lot... haiz.. maybe i did too much on throat for my project.. it was almost impossible for me to swallow aniting.. it reali hurts....luckily i brought bread from home.. a bit softer for me to swallow... went home and did some of my stuff quickly...den went to sleep...

guess wat!!!! the next dae wen i woke up... i lost 3/4 of my voice... and my nose is leaking... non stop... help.... i need a plumber.....!!!! haiz.. sneeze non stop.. i will sneeze till 4 times at once.. aaacchhhoooooo........ here i go again... oh ya.. did my HS 2080 project... painted and pasted... den at nite went over to my grandparents house.. miz them lotz.. my granddad is sick.. get well soon grand dad.... den went to watch the thaipusam... (indian cultural occassion) at serangoon... saw them carrying the heavy weight on their body.. had needles thru their body to maintain the weight... i understand the reason for tis occassion thru my indian fren... well... i salute the indians for they have a reali strong will to repent... niwaes reached home at abt 1 plus.... slept at 3 plus... then todae my nose still leaking.. all the plumbers on holidaes.. haiz.. todae not much plans.. stayed at home at finish up my HS 2080.. touched up on it.. hey guys.. hope the project is ok ya.. sowie if not nice.. well... i guess i gtg now.. my head is like sooooooo the throbbing rite now...seriously not in the mood to blog.. sowie ya.. take carez..

*hari kiamat akan datang tak lama lagi... semoga semua umat islam akan menyedari akan kenyataan ini...dan apa bila hari tersebut tiba.. harap semua umat islam telah pun insaf... insya allah.... *

..Oh gOd...pLz HeLp Me.....

2006-02-08T01:45:00.000+08:00

peace upon all of u... how are u? hope all of u out there are fine.. hmm... tis wk is a reali tired wk for me.. have been sleeping late.. and i mean reali late.. rushing thru my project.. on sun my 2 frenz came over.. did.. and i slept at 4am...... rushing and rushing.... woke up at 7 the next dae.. had to go skool early.. coz got presentation.. and guess wat.. found out tat our lecturer on mc!!!! i was soo pissed off manz.. haiz.. wasted all the time.. den tat dae had terrible headaches in skool... dun noe why.. till todae.. head still throbbing... its sooo painful.. and my sore throat.. its been 2 wks or so tat my throat is pain.. haiz.. hmm... actually i have no mood to blog... juz wanna say abt wat i read juz now... at my past... hmm... dun noe why all of a sudden tot abt it... my tears are still rolling down my cheeks.... i cannot control...cheeks wet while reading it and blogging tis.... i still could not belief tat our buddy-ship juz disappear like tat... without me noeing wat i have done.. wifout me noeing wat had happened.... tis is wat he wrote last time...

*Jihan.... I onli juz known u... But no doubt, Ur my best buddy.... And yes, I will stick to my promise dat I've made to u and will nv let go kkz... Smilez Alwayz =D*

for ur info.. his promise was to be buddies wif me 4eva... no matter wat happens.... den the next was tis...

*.....Luckily Jihan was there to comfort me all d time...Tankiew Jihan!!!!!U're really a saviour manz.... Tankiew so so much.....Buddies forever! =D Wooohooooooz!*

*But now I'm feeling much much better....Tankz u guys for asking how i am... =DEspecially my sis and Jihan... =D Yupz.....*

tis next one was a poem i wrote for him..(well it was sucky.. but tat is not the issue here...)
*And not to forget my buddy.... Jihan....She's been the one hu has always given me a reason to continue helping others....She wrote a poem for me yesterday...... And here it goes....
Frenz are the one
Whom you can trust
Frenz are the one
Who shares your joys and sorrows
Frenz are the ppl
Who can always stand by you
Frenz are the pple
Whom I feel, are very impt in your life
Frenz are the one
Who comforts you wen you are down
They will be the one
Who lends you a listening ear
Words of adviceAre nothing to them
Giving an advice
Is as easy as ABC
Thanks for being tat special fren
Having you around just makes me happy
Thanks for the comfort and listening ears
And most imptly
thanks for being TAUFIQ... my buddy!

I was really touched manz... Seriously....No one ever wrote me a poem b4.....She told me dat it wasn't a nice poem ar....But to me itz nice, coz itz d thought dat count...So dun worry kz buddy?Oh yar, U're the 1st to write me a poem!!!!Congratz! hahakz.... tankiew so so much!!! =D*

so i guess wat pple say abt guys are true after all.... tat they are very good at their words... they promise a lot.. but fulfilling it... dream on.... thankkz for all the sweet memories... dun noe if i can keep them... hope that u remember the memories we spent together...... wateva it is... u will be a history to me.....................................*sobz*

Words for the dae......

What we do for ourselves dies with us.

What we do for others and the world...

remains and is immortal.

iT sTiLL hUrTs

2006-01-30T15:17:00.000+08:00

peace upon all of ya... how are u guyz? enjoying ur holidaes? hope so ya.. first ting first.. to all my chinese frenz.. hapi chinese new yr.. gong xi fa cai ya.. got red packet for me? hehex.. kidding...
so.. ya.. here to update u guys again.. after i left all of a sudden tat dae in the middle of blogging.. could not stand the pain lah.. hmm.. now actually still have lah.. but not tat bad like tat dae..

SAT....
well... on sat afternoon.. my parents left for tanjong pinang... leaving their 4 daughters all alone.. hmm.. luckily onli for one dae.. hmm.. my youngest sista was the saddest person.. after my parents left... she stood at the balcony crying.. (kinda of over huh? hehex..) i was baking another 4 cakes.. coz pple ordered for CNY.. den tried to cheer up my sista.. told her tat i will bring her for a jog... den promise to bring her to the playground.. den i saw a smile on her face.. haha.. i am smart huh? hehex...den finished the 4 cakes.. baked sum more chocolate cookies... for my siblings to eat.. coz the one i baked on thur finished oreadi.. haha.. den at nite all 4 of us slept outside in the living room.. coz its very windy.. yea!! nice manz.. haha..

SUN....
woke up early todae coz there was lotz to be done.. well not tat early lah.. but still early for me to wake up tis time during the holidaes.. hmm.. started the dae wif the clothes.... haiz.. hate tis part actually.. hang the clothes all to dry.. den clean the living room.. coz we slept there oreadi.. den cooked for my siblings breakfast.. took tis idea from skool food.. but changed it a bit here and there.. hmm.. luckily my sistas lurve the breakfast.. den used the comp for a while.. coz promised sumone to meet in online.. but in the end.. he was not online.. so sad.. but nvr mind lah... den after tat cleaned the whole house... started off wif my parent's room.. made it perfect.. hehex... den my room.. haiz.. my room is in a mess manz.. ok lah.. after cleaning it.. den my youngest sista said she wanted to eat lunch.. cooked for her fried rice coz she say she wanted to eat fried rice.. den fried wanton for me, my 2nd sista and my elder sis.. after lunch.. continued cleaning.. the rooms all done.. next the living room.. cleaned the living room like mad.. phew.. so tired.. den i proceed to the kitchen.. but juz as i was abt to finish it.. it was time for us sista to go jogging.. went jogging and to the playground too... after tat at abt 8.30.. my uncle called.. asked if we all wanted to follow to fetch our parents... and OF COURSE YESH!!! haha.. bathe.. changed.. and out we go.. miz my parentz lotz.. seriously.. even though it was onli one dae.. coz usually they do lotz of stuff for us.. den wifout them for one dae.. its like.. oh gosh.. haha..

my weekend tis week pass reali fast manz..now oreadi mondae.. tomorrow last dae holidaes.. haiz.. back to skoo,... well.. guess i better stop here coz i still have lotz of project to do.. both due next week.. take carez people..

WoRdS FoR ThE DaE

GOD created women to use more of the right brain...

tis deals more to the emotions....

GOD created men to use more of the left brain.....

tis deals more to tinking and calculating...

all we have to do is to understand wach other...

and everything will be all rite...

IT HURTS!!!!!!

2006-01-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

hey there people... hmm.. how are u guys...?? hope u all are fine.. todae is a start of a long break.. long? hmm.. 4 daes.. ya.. can say long lah.. chinese new year coming liao.. hmm.. tis sun rite? sat they all having reunion.. people ordered my marble cake for tis CNY.. all in all i did 8 cakes... 4 ordered one.. 2 for us.. another 2 for my neighbour..started baking from 8+++ and ended at 2am..tat includes me baking cookies... hehe.. juz wanna do sum for myself.. den can share wif my frenz.. i sooo lurve and enjoy baking manz.. hehe.. slept at abt 2.30.. den woke up at abt 5am!!!barely got 3 hours of sleep.. slept in the bus as usual coz i was tooo tired.. and guess wat.. i over shot... all tis while i sleep in the bus.. nvr missed my bus stop... dun noe why todae had to miz it.. haiz.. luckily woke up at the bus stop itself.. decided to stop after tat.. which is the interchange.. haiz.. guess i was toooo tired...hmm.. wanna blog lotz more.. but juz cannot.. guess have to stop here...

argh!! my head hurts lotz... it juz feel like bursting ani time now........

CaN ThErE Be MoNeY rAiN?

2006-01-26T09:21:00.000+08:00

hey there people... how are u guys? fine? hope so... hmmm.... now in eplaza.. haiz.. was late for the first lecture.. den todae no bio lec... free 2 hours.. kewlz rite? haiz.. niwaes... lata at 11 got clinical lab... 1 hour.... den can go home liao.. but den...... GOT PROJECT TO DO!! lately have been concentrating lotz on projects.. very few time for studying oreadi.....wen can i eva have a rest? onli GOD noes.. hopefully all tat i am doing now will be rewarded wif sumting good...

hmm... lately my financial state is getting bad... its reali tite now... i have no choice but to ask from my mm... i noe i am a bad gal.. a bad daughter... but i need the money to top up my ezlink.. my hp bills are still not settled yet.. waiting for my attatchment money.. will be getting $190... sounds a lot huh... but it will be gone reali reali soon... pay my hp bill... den help pay for my dad's medical bill... and guess wat.. i am left wif onli $10?? ard there lah... haiz.. but i guess its ok.. coz at least i made my dad go for his check up... which i feel is reali more impt den spending tat money for my sake.. (but sumtimes u juz feel like spendin it rite.. coz it feels nice.. hehe)
i need a part time job immediately!!!!! plz..... i cannot see my parents reali having tite financial... oh gosh....*sobz*...*sobz*............................................................

i guess i will have to stop here... wanna continue my project now... haiz.. take carez pple.. update u all again soon.. bubbyez... smilez alwayz....

Words For the dae....

Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.

BuSy WeEk..

2006-01-22T16:04:00.000+08:00

Hey There People... i Am Back After Such A Long Time Nvr Blog.. Haiz... Been Reali Bz Lah.. Juz The Third Week Of Skool.. We Already Got A Date Line For All Our 3 Projects.. Which Is In 2 And 4 weeks Time.. Haiz.... Soooooooo Bz........ Stressed Manz...

Well... Decided Tat I Should Turn Over A New Leaf... My Mood reali Changes A Lot Tis Few Daes... Even i Am Scared Abt It.. i Dun Noe Why.. All Of A Sudden... i Will Like... Keep Quiet.. And Then Remember Abt Sumting.. Wen Ever I Am Quiet... It Juz Meanz Tat i Am Tinking Abt Sumting.. And i Need Time To Tink And Sort My Mind... Sowie Pple If i Eva hurt U In Any Way Or Another... By Keeping Quiet....

Well..Well...Well....Wateva...........
On Thursdae Was My Skool Open House... Flooded Wif Sec Skool Students... But Den.. My Fren Performed At 2.. She iS Our SHS Idol Manz... Hahaha.. Kewlz Rite.... But I Guess Not Kewlz for Her Manz..Stressing For Her... But Hey Izyan.. U Did Great U Noe... Honestly I hae Not Heard of Tat Song B4.. Understand Me Lah Eh.. Coz i Alwayz Listen To Malay Songs... But Wen u Sang Tat Song.. i Lurved it Lotz!!!! Honestly... Especially Wen i Heard It The 2nd time On Sat... U Were Great... Believe Me.... Even Though u Might Be Asking Why U Should Believe Me.. But Ya... (okok.. i am crapping here.... hehe..)

On Sat Wen Back To Skool.. Wif My Sisters..(i mean all of them..) i Wanted To Support Izyan... My Elder Sis Wanted To Meet Her Fren There.. And My Younger Sis Wanted To 'Shop' There... Brought Along My Youngest Sis..Pity Her.. Bored At Home.. So Guess Wanted To Let Her Enjoy.. Reached There A Bit Late.. Coz Of My Sis lah.. Cannot decide If She Wanted To Follow Me.. Me And My Youngest One Was Ready Oreadi.. Den She Decided To Follow.. Aiyo.. Reached There.. Looked For Izyan.. But Cannot Find.. Tot She Performed Oreadi.. Den Msg Her.. Phew.. Her Preformanced Was Postponed Till 4.. Pity Her.. But At Least i did Not Miz it.. Hahaha.. Wen It Was Time For Her Performanced.. Recorded All Of It.. Hehehe.. After The Whole Performance.. Went To See Her Back Stage.. And She Huged Me.. Was Quite Shocked.. Hehehe.. But i Did Not Mind.. Coz I Guess She Needed One.. Took A Foto Wif Her.. Den Went Back.. My Parents Picked Us Up.. My Elder Sis And Her Fren Headed For a Concert.. And As For Us.. We Went Out.. Had A Light Dinner.. But The Food Sux.. Hahaha.. Guess Wen u Alwayz Eat The Noodles Tat My Dad Ordered.. U Will End Up Having Hypertension.. It Was Super SALTY!!! Wateva Pple.. Went Home.. Bathe.. Did Project.. Till 3 Plus In The Morning.. So.. Tat Was My Long Saturdae.. And As For Sun.. Had Some Family Games Together Wif My Dad Juz Now.. (i won!! hehe) And Den.. Here I Am.. Blogging.. After Tis... Project Again.. Haiz... Gg To My Grandma's house.. Celebrate My Little Couzin'sa Bdae.. And Oso To Bid Farewell To My Uncle And His Family.. Heading Back To Australia.. Take Carez Paman Omar And Family..

Hmm..... Guess I Will Call It A Blog.. Have To End Here Guyz.. Or My Project Will Be Hanging In The Air... Take Carez All Of Ya.. Smilez Alwayz Ya... Study Hard.. See Ya Again The Next Time I Blog.. Till Den......... Bubbyez.....

*Words For The Dae....*
When U Tink u R The Worst.. U Are Not....
When U Tink u R The Best.. U Are Not...
There Are Alwayz People Who Are Better Or Worse Than U..
Millions Are Waiting To Be Born..
Millions Are Waiting To Die..
GOD Let U Live For A Purpose..
Make FULL Use Of It..
And Nvr Let Go To Waste...
SMILEZ ALWAYZ....

...WiShEs FoR 2006...

2006-01-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

*peace upon all of u....*
hey there people...its been a while since i blogged.. i guess... hmm.. been a bit bz trying my best to change tis skin... hm.. well changed to a colourful one actually.. tat skin was super nice.. it reali shows my inner self ritenow.. but the skin got prob.. damn!! haiz.. niwaes.. i hope it is not too late to write down my wishes for 2006... hehehex....

goodbye 2005... and welcome 2006....
my wishes for 2006...........hmm.....
and wat i will wan to bring forward from 2005.....hmmm......
and wat i wanna leave behind at 2005......hmmm.........

....wat i left behind in 2005....
*my sad and hurting memories...
*my weakness..(if possible)
*my buddy..(believe it or not...)
*my spoilt mp3..
*my lazyness...
*my bad attitude..(hope so..)
*my anger..
*my 'chicken' and little heart..
*my weight..(trying my best for tis..)
*my lack of confidence..
*my lack of determination..

....wat i brought along from 2005 to 2006....
*my sweet memories..
*my experiences..
*my education..(did i??)
*my hp..(hahaha..)
*my lurve for family..
*my care and concern for my bro..sis..nephew
*my smilez and laughter..
*my warmth-ness...
*my self.....

....wishes for 2006....
*a new mp3..(plz...)
*a new digi cam..
*be more hard working..
*be more confident..
*be more determine in all i do..
*be a strong gal..
*be brave...
*putting more smilez on more pple..
*touching more pple's heart..
*succeed in all tat i do..
*remember all the impt dates..
*move on to yr 3... (insya allah..)
*have less weakness.. and more strength..
*prove pple their wrong abt me..
*have a good financial..
*find a part time job..
*make my family hapi..
*have a stable financial for my family..
*shy abt tis but ya.. lose my stupid weight...
*be my self still... (hope so...)

well.. so i guess i will stop here for todae.. hmm.. will be blogging again soon.. see ya pple.. thanks so much fer reading my blog... take carez pple..
*may GOD bless u alwayz.. *

sad memories...

2006-01-08T01:28:00.000+08:00

hmm.. still unable to sleep...
0134 in the morning still in front of my comp...
guess i should continue wif my 2nd part of my blog..
promised u all oreadi.. hmm..
tis are all the sad and hurting memories of 2005...
after a reali hard time forgetting my 5 yrs plus crush...
i try mixing ard more wif pple..
got introduce to a guy by my cuz..
had a lot of sweet nitez together wif him...
but on the fone lah....
den all of a sudden.. got no news from him after our first meet...
den had miz understanding between me and my buddy...
wen it was not even my fault...
den got to noe another guy...
tis one oso same...
spent lotz of sweet nitez wif him..
on the fone.. even though he a bit crazy at times..
but tis one a bit diff..
he wanted me to be his gal..
after he saw my pic...
and after i saw his pic too...
even though i admire him lotz..
lurve his voice and conversating wif him..
i had to reject him...
onli GOD noes y...haiz....
den a few mths later..
sumone wanted to get to noe me..
being frenz not wrong after all...
so ya... well.. we sooner get very close..
and wat shocked me was tat he saw me b4..
he saw me during my attatchment..
we oso end up having nitez of sweet chatting...
but he was a bit diff..
his was not onli nite..
after skool.. he will kol me.. and i will accompany him..
accompany him on the fone till he gets home..
and vice versa..
he will kol me wen i finish skool..
and he accompanies me till i get home..
he was extra special..
dun noe y.. but ya...
i fell for him... but forcing myself not to..
but too bad.. he oso felt the same.. none voiced out..
so both of us did not noe tat we had feelings for each other..
haiz.... too bad...... :(
but wen he found out abt it...
and wen i found out abt it....
i guess everyting was too late...
he had oreadi patched up wif his ex...
and left me all alone....
tis all happened... coz he tot i did not have feelings for him..
and to add to tis misery...
he told me once... to actually...
WAIT FOR HIM!!!!???!!!
told him tat i am sooo stressed... and confused...
he said he shall not want to do aniting wif me ani more..
and tat i am out of his contact list...
tis is the most saddest memories of yr 2005...
tis incident left me crying for days and nitez...
crying for weeks and months...
until one particular day..
i decided tat i should put a stop to tis and be strong...
pretend tat none of tis happened..
which was hard.. reali hard... but i had to do it..
so ya... my blogs... my nick... my everything...
was all abt forgetting him..
i was being very hard on myself..
and wen i tot i manage to get rid of him from my head...
he came back!!!! lookig for me..
saying tat he miz me.. and stuff like tat...
and tat wen i did not wan to bother him..
he say i am being bad..
setteled sum stuff wif him..
and now.. we are frenz.. well i tink so..
but i guess he still keeps the feeling he once had for me..
coz on and off he will hint me abt it...

argh!!!!!till today...
i dun noe wat i am suppose to do...
of all the pple in the world...
y muz i fall for him.. and y muz i be hurt by him...
pple eva ask me..
y him? he is not reali tat good looking..
he is still a student.. like me..
wat was there in him tat i was sooo stucked to?
i told them... it was his heart.. and his care...
he was like sumone special sent down for me..
but after tis incident..
i guess not... well.. i tink so...
so overall...yr 2005 was a reali heavy yr..
a yr where i was hurt over and over again...
my heart is now asking for forgiveness..
it cannot stand being broken repeatedly animore..
i am sowie....
well.. gtg now actually...
will be posting another blog abt my wishes for 2006...
take carez guyz..

WeLcOmE 2006!!!

2006-01-08T00:37:00.000+08:00

hey there people...
hope its not too late...
wishing all out there a very hapi new yr..
hmm.. its 0044 in the morning..
and still cannot sleep..
dun ask me y.. haiz....
well... decide to write abt my journey in 2005..

2005... a yr tat means a lot..
a particular yr tat carries lots of memories..
memories tat hurt and memories tat are sweet..
tis yr.. went out wif my sec skool frenz..
my closest frenz..
celebrated their bdaes...
went out raya wif them..
and yet.. i still miz them..
miz the times we had fun together..
miz the times wen we all havocked together..
haiz.. have to let those times go...
and can onli remain as memories..
tis yr oso went out raya wif my poly frenz..
great rite..
coz last yr could not make it..
had lotz of fun...
but still trying my best to mix ard wif them well..
my bdae in 2005....
was a bdae tat i had to remember..
had to bring home lotz of pooh..
coz they noe i like it lotz..
haha...
imagine.. got on the bus wif lotz of toys...
hahahaha... felt like pple tink i am nutz..
but well.. who cares..
it was my bdae.. so ya.... hehex...
tis yr was the yr tat i had my new hp..and mp3!!
nice one.. lurve them lotz...
and guess wat..
tis yr oso had to spend time wif my bro..
quite sum time lah..
break fast together once...hehex...
den..the last attatchment i had was full of memories...
tat ward was the best ward i eva went to..
the bond between my patients and me..
was reali close.... sooo touching manz...
and oh ya...
tis yr raya..had a new way of wearing my tudung..
first time trying it manz..
dun noe if i wearing it tat way again..
hehehehex...

well.. those were the great times...
the sweet memories i got to keep...
but i guess... there are more pain memories den sweet ones...
and u all should noe wat it is abt...
the hurting memories will be posted in my next blog..
see ya again...

......JoUrNaL 32......

2006-01-03T10:33:00.000+08:00

hey there people...
how are u guyz?
i apologise to my dear frenz out there..
who actually read my blog...
coz i have not been updating...
so sowie...
been reali bz lately...

skoolz's back.. and tat attatchment's over...
*sobzzzz*
i am sooo sad to leave my patients..
4 weeks taking care of them..
getting to noe them..
and noeing tat my help for them is appreciated...
i reali miz the sweet times i had wif them..
i noe tat some of my closest patients...
they do not have much time left...
u should noe wat i mean..
putting a smile on thier faces
during the last few moments of their life...
juz made me smile too...
the bond i had wif them....
haiz... but i had to leave..
i teared while toking to one of my closest patient...
i reali hope for their best in life...
and tat they will alwayz be hapi...

now skoolz back..
which means...
time to study....!!!!!....
which indirectly means more stress too....
am i rite?
hahaha... wateva it is...
hopefully i can cope wif sem 2...

*MSG FOR SUMONE...SHOULD NOE WHO U R*
tis is a msg to sumone..
who used to be very close to me...
well... i dare use the word 'used to'
coz i have tis feeling tat sumhow or wat..
he is avoiding me..
u should noe who u are...
unless u can prove to me tat wateva i said..
was false.. and tat u are not avoiding me..
it has alwayz been me...
me who started the conversation..
me who started smsing u...
me who started asking how u are... and how is life..
i did not care...
coz i guess u are bz..
so i give and take..
but as time goes by...
i started feeling tat u are sick and tired of me...
wen i was online..
i started chatting wif you..
there was no reply...
not once..
but twice...
until i went offline..
reali tot u were bz..
but i oso started realising tat wen i am online..
u made change ur status to be bz.. or away...
and it keep on repeating...
tis went on for weekz...
so i guess i am rite after all...
u are sick of me..
guess the promise made last time should be broken..
i dun mind..
coz i see no use in us keeping tat promise animore...
wen u dun even wan to tok to me..
so ya..
wish u all the best in wateva u do..
hope u succeed...
study hard and find yourself a gal..^_^
and take good care of her..

......JoUrNaL 311......

2005-12-07T22:38:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel sooooo stressed................
i am soooooo confused.............
and i am soooo lost....!!!!....!!!!!
WAT DID I DO WRONG?????
why are u ignoring me???
y i chat wif u ... u nvr even bother to reply???
why is everyone like tis????????????????
why are all of u treating me soooooo unfairly????
I HATE MYSELF...!!!!!......!!!!!!???!!!!!.....!!!!!!!!
IF U ALL DUN LIKE ME........
SAY IT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.......
AT LEAST I NOE!!!!!!!
DEN U KEEPING QUIET!!!!!
WAT DO U ALL GET MANZ???
ARGH...ARGH.....ARGH.....
W A T E V A.........

......JoUrNaL 30......

2005-11-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

DeArEsT DiArY.....

hey there people...
peace upon all of u..
how are u guyz?
hope u all are fine..
me?? juz dun ask...
i am lost... broken into pieces...
i am in the process of finding myself..
so ya.. juz decided to blog...
hope i will feel better...
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

niwaes.. todae went to the cementry...
visited my late grandparents.. uncle and greatgrandma..
miz them sooo much..
i am reali wondering...
i cannot share probs wif my parents..
especially abt my personal life...
only if they are still ard huh...
i tink i will be able to let out my feelings to them..
haiz....... *sobz*
*sobz* *sobz* *sobz* *sobz* *sobz*
i can soo imagine it manz..
but how i wish it is all reality...
now... i am all by myself..
no one to listen to me..
and no one to entertain me..
no one to stop me cry...
no one to calm me down..
no one to put a smile on my face...
well.. tis i dun reali impt..
coz no one wants to see my smile ani wae..
sooo ya...
hmm... i guess i have to live wif all tis..
not tat i have not live wif all tis..
but i have to live wif it longer now..
haizzzzz.......

well....
i guess i wil end here for now...
no one reading it ani way...
so.. i will blog again soon..
take carez every body.. (if there is ani lah..)

......JoUrNaL 29......

2005-11-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

peace upon all of u...
how are u all?
hope u all are fine huh..
hmm.. cuz fiqah..
thankz for reading my blog..
the rest who read.. thankz too..
coz i noe not much of u read..
well.. nvr mind..
can't force pple to do sumting they dun like huh..
argh......... dun noe what i am crapping here..
haiz.. i am now reali stressed.....
got a story to let out to my blog...
hmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

well..
hmm.. actually wrote abt HIM in here b4..
he ever said tat he wanna 4get me..
get me out of his contact list...
tat sentence is still in my head...
it feels like its juz been said yesterdae....
honestly.. it hurts a lot...
reali reali a lot...
made me tear every nite to sleep...
even lost concentration in wat i do in the day time..
but tis lonely broken heart manage to survive...
manage to go thru life all by myself..
den.... after one mth of not contacting each other...
i SUDDENLY get a msg from HIM...
BUT WHY??????????
ask him if he msg the wrong person..
but he got pissed off and got angry..
he said he did not expected the way i reacted...
wat am i suppose to do???
smile? laugh? be hapi??
i am hurt?? hello...??...???!!??...
it ended up me calling him...
ask him why?
why is he acting like tis towards the one sentence i asked?
our conversation tat nite while on my way home..
was full of silence.. and a bit of conversation...
it made me cry...even on my way home..
cried while talking to him..
but all he asked me to do was.. forget abt it..
and it ended there..
den msged me and asked why i cry?
but replied him late coz i got scolding from my mum..
i replied... "i remembered the past"
and till todae... no replay again from him...
what does he tink he is?
chips more biscuit?
now have.. now gone...
is tat what u are??
dun noe if u are reading tis..
but whatever it is...
juz tink..
and stop hurting me....
enough of me being a fool...
enough of me being hurt...
plz.....
if u need me to beg u...
i am willing to...
my heart is reali in a pain...
u went wifout me wanting...
came back wifout me knowing...
and left AGAIN wifout me knowing...
plz stop hurting tis heartbroken gal......
I HAD ENOUGH.....!!!!!......!!!!.....
u noe who u are i suppose.....

thankz for reading...
will have more blogs for all of u..
take carez...

......JoUrNaL 28......

2005-11-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

peace upon all of u...
how are u guys?
hmm.. hope u all are fine..
hmm.. its been a while since i update..
sowie guys..
been a bit bz... since its hari raya..
well.. its oreadi 10 daes of hari raya.. 20 more daes..
hehehehe...
next week gonna be a reali bz week..
out for like 5 daes in tat one week.. so excited!!
but hope tat my flu and backache will be gone by den..

hmm.. olevels is going on..
how is it buddy??
u have a few papers more to go..
so good luck.. okiez..
alevels oso going on now..
wish my frenz all the best manz..

tis is a song from kelly clarkson..
it means reali a lot...
hope u all like it..

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
*Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
repeat *
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of youI'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of youI am afraid
Because of you...Because of you

......JoUrNal 27......

2005-11-03T23:30:00.000+08:00

hey there people..
its been a reali looooooong time since i blog...
sooo sowie abt it manz..
coz i am bz wif my projects..
den it was fasting period..
wif my examz going on..
haiz....
have been reali bz and stressing...

now it is hari raya!!
yea!! at last examz are over..
can enjoy..
but not in peace...
coz results not out yet..
another ting to worry abt...
hopefully i can pass manz..
dun wanna sit for sub paper..

cannot wait to go out raya wif my sec frenz..
miz them loads.....
but dun noe wen can go out together...
they start skool oreadi..
and i juz start skool HOLIDAES!!
at the most we can meet up on sat and sun
tis yr my poly frenz say i cannot avoid...
it is a MUZ to go out wif them..
hahahaha...
it is not i am avoiding lah..
last yr reali crash wif outing wif my sec frenz wat..
dun worry... i will go out wif u guyz okie?
hehehe..
okiez den..
to all my dearest muslim frenz...
*selamat hari raya aidilfitri...*
*maaf zahir dan batin*
kalo ader silap dan salah...
harap maafkan...
maklum lah...sayer ni manusia..
tidak bebas dari kesilapan dan kesalahan..
chey!! amacam? okie tak?
ni sendiri buat tau.. tak main copy2 tau...
the words were all ikhlas from the bottom of my heart..
k lah.. gtg now..
sooo sleepy oreadi..
hehehe..
take carez all..

*to my dearest buddy...
good luck for your olevels...
blajar betul2 tau...
i am still here to support you..
dun worry...okie..
so.. if aniting..juz ring me up..
jia you!!*

......JoUrNaL 26......

2005-10-13T21:51:00.000+08:00

assalamualaikum...
to all my muslim frenz out there...
how are you guyz?
hope you are all fine..
and wish all of you...
selamat berpuase...
takmo puase yok2 tau...
bulan ni bulan baik...
hargai nya....

well.. it seems like i have not blog..
for a VERY long time huh..
bz lah...
one dae got 2 test...
den in week got 4 test to study...
help me manz..
my hairs are dropping...

now tat the 4 test are over...
and tat my BCLS (CPR) are over..
even though i need to have a retest..
coz i did not make it for one skill..
haiz..
did tat CPR till my hand bengkak manz..
everything perfect...
except for my ventilation...
aiyo.......
nvr mind.. hope i will do well tis coming wednesday...

now have to tink abt EXAMZ!!!
i reali need to buck up liao..
my bio prac...
did not make it..
study like sum mad gerl..
but still ended up wif 'F'
i guess my studying technique was wrong..
haiz...

my EXAMZ are like in 2 weeks time..
26/10...28/10...29/10
so... i REALI need to study hard......
i dun wan to be retained..
i wan to continue to to semester 2....
plz...plz...plz....plz....plz.....plz.....
HELP ME ALLAH!!!
MUDAH-MUDAHAN DENGAN IZINMU....
insya allah.........

well.. better get going now..
need to help my mama..
well.. b4 tat actually...
here are my msg for tis pple...

BUDDY: study hard untuk u nye olevels tau.. you can do it.. jia you!! good luckz... my support and wishes will alwayz be wif you okiez?? take carez.... smilez alwayz...

CUZFIQAH: Nlevel da habis kan.. so buat keje yg berfaedah sikit tau tak.. takmo waste time doing sumthing yg tak berfaedah.. take carez..

ALL NURSING GRP 24: study hard for the examz okiez? you all can do it.. dun give up horz... take carez...

ALL THE PPLE READING MY BLOG: all of you muz take carez too okiez? and dun 4get to smilez alwayz..

......JoUrNaL 25......

2005-10-04T16:53:00.000+08:00

helo people..
hmm.. ani one there?
hmm.. dun see ani one there..
but nvr mind.. hehe..
i will juz blog wat i wanna blog todae..
hmm...........

well.. yesterdae nite.. hmm..
msn wif my bro...
hmm.. asked him wen he going off to tekong..
and he said..."tis mon dear..."
ARGH...!!!.....
haiz... well.. i hope i will be ok,..
all tis while. weneva i have a prob..
he will be the one who listens to me..
gives me advice...
and lends me his shoulder..
he will be in tekong for 1 month 2 weeks....
haiz.. wat a long period...
but my best wishes to you abg...

den.. did not have the mood to do aniting..
so juz cleaned my room a bit..
den get ready to sleep...
but not sleepy yet though...
lie down on my bed...
den listen to my MP3....
and while listening to a particular song...
i cried.. coz it means a lot...
it feels like the song is meant for me..
den... i fell asleep...
fell asleep lonely in my tears...

the next dae in skool...
did not wan to tok much...
hmm... kept on tinking abt it...
well... reali felt like an idiot...
felt reali sad...
haiz.. well.. i guess i stop it here lah...
wanna continue doing my werk...
dun wanna go home tat early...
or i will start feeling sad again...
haiz........

oh ya.. to my buddy... good luck for your olevels..
buat betul2 tau..
i will be behind you alwayz...
supporting you all the way...
okiez?? hahaha...

to my fiqah...
blajar untuk your nlevel betul2..
takmo pikir pasal bende lain ajer..
concentrate...
NO ITE FOR YOU.....
GO TO SEC 5... TAU?
ok lah.. takmo stress you further...
take carez guyz...
bubbyez... ^_^

*I HAVE SAID TAT I WANNA FORGET YOU FOR 3 TIMES...
*BUT I HAVE ALWAYZ GAVE YOU A CHANCE....
*SINCE YOU CLEARLY AND OBVIOUSLY THREW ME...
*I PROMISE MYSELF TAT YOU WILL BE FORGOTTEN........

......JoUrNaL 24......

2005-10-01T19:11:00.000+08:00

hey there people..
how are you feeling todae?
hope your are all great...
hmm.. juz wanna blog abt something..
something tat shattered my heart...

hmm.. well.. lotz of things have been happening...
happening to me and myself..
dun noe why my heart is so fragile..
maybe coz i am a gal...

i ever blog abt HIM b4..
a few blogs b4 tis one..
all was on him...
i honestly fell in love wif him..
but he hurt me...
hurt me deep inside..
especially todae........

msn wif him juz now..
he saw my nick and ask if i wanted to 4get him..
i say i dun noe..
and he say if i wan to 4get him he will be sad..
but he will try to accept the fact lah..
i say i seriously dun noe..
den he ask me t i kept thr truth abt me liking him..
y i did not tell him..
i mean i am a gal.. like am i suppose to say.. hey, i like u..
den pple will tink i am a despo... which is soooo not true..
den i say.. i dun noe.. i dun have the ans wif me..
den he kept on asking me..
he asked me the reason y i like him..
den guess wat..
i actually ask him if he liked me..
and he say... yesh...
he say he liked me.. and he tinks we got chemistry..
and i tink the same way too...
argh!!!!!! haiz......
den he say he need to go..
so he needs an ans if i wan to wait 4 him.. or 4get him..
i reali dun noe!!!!!!!!
den i told him...
i leave it all up to u..
i cannot force him to like me..
and i wun wan to force him to come back 2 me..
den he say he dun noe either..
he is confused..
den we went silence for a while..
den he say he need to go oreadi..
den i say.. ok lah..
lastly i typed..
if u wan to forget me.. go ahead..
and guess wat he typed.........................
*OK.. I WAN TO 4GET U......*
tat shattered my heart into tiny pieces..
unknowingly..... my tears rolled down my cheeks...
i was speechless....
at one point of time..
he say he likes me..den next point of time..
he say he wans to 4get me...
b4 i left..
i told him tis...
*MY LAST WISHES 4 U B4 I LEAVE.. HOPE U ARE HAPI WIF YOUR GAL ALWAYZ..
SINCE TAT IS YOUR DECISION.. I HAVE NOTING TO SAY..*
and den he went offline...
he hurt me a lot...
reali a lot....
i am reali sad manz..

well.. i tink i will end it here..
i dun feel so good...
i juz wanna rest for now..
take carez....

......JoUrNaL 23......

2005-09-19T13:56:00.000+08:00

well.. helo there pple..
its me again.. hehe..
wat do u expect.. obviously its jihan..
coz u are reading jihan's blog..
haha.. okok i noe i am crapping...

hmm.. todae's the first dae of skool again..
yeeeepieezzzz....
but den rite... i have onli been here for like 3 hours todae...
and guess wat...
tests and tests are like filling up my schedule next wk...
aaarrrrggggghhhhh......
but nvr mind.. i shall study hard for it..
shall prove to everyone in the world i can do it..
haha.. i am starting to crap again..
ooppzzz... sowie..
niwaes...

something happened o me yesterdae..
hmm... juz found out the truth abt him..
ok.. not reali the truth abt him..
but the truth abt our mizunderstanding...
he sarted chatting wif me yesterdae on msn...
den.. he ask me why i am behaving very weird...
he say i change...
like wat do u expect...
i lost a person i love so much..
obviously i would have a reaction rite?
den.. i found out tat he actualli did not receive my msg..
the long msg i wrote to him on zorpia...
tat msg was reali important during tat time manz..
if onli he would have receive tat msg..
things would have been different now..
he told me tat too...
if onli he received tat msg on tat dae...
he would have not hurt me till like tis...
argh!!!!! i am soooo blank now...
dun noe wat i should do...
he pleaded for forgiveness to me yesterdae...
and it was reali sweet... seriously...
well.. i told him i will forgive him...
but i am still hurt inside..
he told me not to forget him..
as he will be brokenhearted...
well.. tat i dun noe..
still wondering if i should forget him..
hhhhaaaaaaiiiiizzzzzzzz.......
he ask me to be my normal self back..
the cheerful gal who use to msg him..
and the gal who was soo caring and nice to him...
so i tot over abt it...
and i guess i shall try again..
and i juz msg him an hour ago...
well.. for now.. all i can do is to wait and see...
if he got no reply for me..
den i shall reali tink again abt tis...

hmm... will update u guys again...
take carez guys...
thanks for reading okiez...
feel so much better...
but still blank and blurr...
bubbyez....

......JoUrNaL 22......

2005-09-10T16:07:00.000+08:00

good day pple out there..
how are you guys?
hope u are all fine huh...
hmm.. its been a reali long time..
reali lone time since i blog...
been bz lately....
and comp giving probs..
haiz... at last attatchments are over..
well.. it is not reali a good ting..
coz no attatchments menas no more babies..
and no more pple i can interact wif..
its nice getting to noe lotz of pple...
lots of diff pple especially..
sharing their probs wif me..
and at the end of the dae...
putting a smile on their faces..
it juz makes me hapi in a way or another...
the other dae.. stayed back wif my patient.. juz to accompany her..
coz she is in pain..
and it ended up me werking double shift..
from 7 am to 9 pm..
but it was fun though..
i juz did not feel tired...
but i feel satisfied.. coz i noe i made my patient hapi..
hahaha... i am weird huh..

and ya.. lately the pple around me...
they are getting more and more secretive...
and honestly... i hate it...
i mean.. wat's there to be soo secretive abt...
you being secretive.. juz hurt me u noe..
hurt me in a way or another..
i have enough problems oreadi u noe...
u dun have to add on to my probs...
u dun have to hurt me even more...
i juz dun get it...
i juz dun understand......
why are u hiding stuff from me.....
wat am i to u??
some idiot??
some idiot u can fool around wif?
some one who has no feelings?
tell u wat....
and i guess i better write it big enough...
I AM A HUMAN BEING WIF FEELINGS........
i dun noe wat u pple out there tink of me..
haiz... nvr mind lah..
i guess pple now juz prefer to ignore me..
juz put me aside...
far far away from their mind....
i guess i am in the list of pple...
pple who they want to ignore...
dun noe till wen?
mayb till forever...
thanks for hurting me........

*if u tink i am toking abt you... den juz realise tat u have actualli hurt my feelings........*

......JoUrNaL 21......

2005-08-23T22:59:00.000+08:00

hey hey..
i am back pple..
its been sumtime since i blog huh..
bz lah.. having attatchment now..
haiz.. wat to do..
well.. today i guess i shall blog abt my week..
abt wat happened to me...

hmm.. well.. now i am feeling terrible..
as usual.. my heart aches again..
guys hurtiong it again and again..
why is it alwayz happening to me?
why me??? why do guys i fall for hurt me??
haiz... no wonder my heart reali aches..

tis guy.. whom i knew.. i guess for one month plus oreadi...
hmm.. we got closer as days went by..
chat in msn.. chat pn the fone.. and sms..
den i guess i fell for him..
he is reali nice.. caring...
everytime while chatting.. love his voice..
den wen he heard my mum's voice..
he will ask if that is his mum in law's voice..
he will alwayz say how much he miz me..
den one day.. he ask me if i got feelings for him..
a qn tat i myself dun noe how to answer..
i lied to him.. saying no.. coz we juz knew each other..
he den gave me a crying face..
he say he is hurt.. and went offline..
i was reali puzzled...
i keep on asking for forgiveness.. but he cried..
i dun noe wat to do..
i den decided to tell him the truth..
but there was no reply or wat so ever..
i am sooo sad..
i was down wif fever for 3 days.. tinking of it..
but no one cares..
i was in pain.. and sick all by myself..
now he is like ignoring me..
den suddenly he will msg me.. he misses me.....
wat the ****
i dun noe lah..
all i can do now.. is to forget him...
all the hopes he ever give me..
thrown down the drain....
i am soooo sad...
but wat can i do??
i am juz a human being..
whom i guess cannot fall in love...
well.. got to go now..
continue next time ya..
take carez..

*thanks for all the sweet memories... u noe hu u are...*

......JoUrNaL 20......

2005-08-14T14:57:00.000+08:00

hey there people..
how are you guys?
hope you are fine..
hmm.. unlike me..
i am sick!!!
haiz.. but now i am feeling a bit better....
after a stressing and sick week..

hmm.. wanna tell you guys sumting..
last week..on friday..
went out wif my bro..
he was sick.. and could not bear it..
ask me if i wanna accompany him..
go to the nearest polyclinic..
nearest to my skool..
but he was riding... and me...
i am wearing baju kurong...
coz it was fridae... so it was my routine..
but i still followed him..
it was a great opportunity...
coz its been like 4 years since we've met..
took the bike wif him..
but he noes tat i was scared and nervous..
hahaha.. but i had a great time..
we catch up some tings tat we've missed..
but.. not all though...
half way chatting.. his headache came back..
he 'borrowed' my shoulder...
den later wen it was our turn to check up..
found out tat his BP was like damn high..
he is stressed up wif the NDP tingy..
haiz.. pity my dear bro...
den after tat.. he treated me a drink..
but i did not want..
hehehe... coz i was a bit breathless..
dun noe why.. but all of a sudden..
tat alwayz happen to me...
den he ride me back to my skool..
where i came for my group meeting late..
sorry to my group members..
but i enjoyed the time spent wif my bro..
it was nice..
after such a long time..
he promise to bring me out on his bike again..
but wif out my BAJU KURONG!!!!
haha.. take carez guyz..

......JoUrNaL 19......

2005-07-28T21:51:00.000+08:00

hey there pple..
how are u all..
hope all of you are fine...
hhmm.. i am like veri stress now
tis week is sooo bz..
hhmm..lets see wat i did tis week..

mondae.. had to complete my project..
coz tue presentation..
compiled all the info.. typed till finish...
stayed till9 in skool...
straight after lesson which ended at 7
so tired.. den called my dad pick me up
was not in the mood to go home..
lazy... and oso i felt reali down tat dae..
luckily my dad wanted to fetch me..
thanks soo much papa..
den went home...continued doing project online wif frenz
finish it... and slept.. abt 1 plus..

tuesdae.. hhmm.. it was a rainy morning..
damn heavy...soooo cold manz...
muz reach skool by 7 am....
my dad wanted to send.. but it will be too early den..
so decided to go by bus still..
reached skool at 7.10.. haiz.. a bit late..
den did our project...and made sum ammendments
skipped the 2nd lecture which was at 9-10..
coz we still have to print to transparency..
made changes.. den rush down and print to transperancy..
wow... we made it on time for our presentation at 10.10...
juz on time..luckily manz..
presentated.. and teacher said it was ok.. gud...
there was not much mistakes ar..
kewlz... gud fer us...
hard werk paid off...

wednesdae...hhmm..
slacked fer sum time..
after the tired werk during presentation yesterdae
den.. was preparing fer our next presentation..
haiz... sooo many presentations..
have 2 more projects.. and i debate to do..
argh!!!!!!
stressed...
oh ya... my abg msg me..
he said he was sick..
ooohhhhh....... so sad..
hope you get well soon abg...
muz be fit.. so can do werk okiez...
niwaes..had our group meeting...
fixed duites fer each one of us..
and will meet up again on fridae..

thursdae.. which is todae lah..
had a group meeting..
another gropu lah..
discuss projects and assign duties..
as a leader.. i muz be fair to all..
assigned to all.. and den dismissed them..
oh ya...
juz now during lecture.. my abg called..
chat wif him..but ended up..
he intepreted my words wrongly..
haiz..chatted fer like half an hour..
den apologiesd sooo much to him..
den still felt guilty abt it...
msg him... and said sowie again...
but he fergive me...
yea!!!!! thanks abg...

niwaes.. gtg guys...
my dear youngest sis crying lah..
wants me to sleep wif her..
take carez guyz..
smilez alwayz..^_^

*you gave me hope.. but in the end.. juz threw the hopes in the drain..*
*i guess it is funny and u enjoy breaking my heart.....*

......JoUrNaL 18......

2005-07-22T16:36:00.000+08:00

hey there people..
tis is my blog's new look..
nice or not??
honestly lah.....
hahaha..
all thanks to hidayat...

well.. as u can see..
"LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD.."
tis words are true to me manz..
battlefield.. and i am the one in it..
once u step in it...
it will take u al hard time to get out of it...
i so regret stepping into the battlefield..
but i am still alone lah...
looking fer sumone to battle with..
i guess those who entered the battlefield..
they ran out immediately..
coz they saw me.. the giant..
they surely noe they will lose one..
haiz..
i am still waitingfor my prince charming to come...
where are u my dear prince charming??
5 yrs ago.. i tot i found him...
but i guess i was wrong...
i guess he is my prince charming..
but i was never his princess...
i was dreaming all by myself...
haiz.... pity myself..

now in skool... there is tis 2 guys...
the 2 guys whom i ever got a crush on..
and now tat i noe i have no hope in them..
i am ignoring them...
but.. my heart juz cannot except the fact..
the fact tat i have to let them go...
everytime i see them..
my heart will jump of excitement..
but i am forcing myself not to look..
neither should i have any feelings fer them animore..
i am forcing myself to do so...
but it is hard manz...
and there is another guy whom i like..
abt tis guy.. no one noes abt him..
onli me and my heart..
i am oso forcing myself to ferget him...
everytime i tok to him or wat..
i force myself to remove the feelings i have fer him..
it is not easy.... but i have to do it..
haiz.. i am sooo sowie to my heart fer torturing it...
it cannot be helped lah..
but i rather torture my heart now...
coz i noe i am the one who is bad...
rather den later i am hurt by them..
haiz...haiz...haiz...
niwaes.. i have to go and continue my projects now..
take carez and see ya again..
smilez alwayz..

*LoVe rEaLi hUrTs.. NoW tAt I nOe i hAvE BeEn lOvInG SuMoNe wHo hAvE NeVeR LoVeD Me.....*

*LoViNg sUmOnE Is WoNdErFuL... bUt lOvInG SuMoNe oNe-SiDeD... iS vErI HuRtInG..*

icybluez

my engagement

guys too ego?

at the verge of giving up

241108

updates....

updates

i love you

the past 3 weeks.....

i give up....

sucky staff

08/05/08

back after almost a month...

30/03/2008

Bdae surprises

tired........

rainy daes.....

life and love??

events of december......

trip to airport

my off dae

i am lost

@#$#@%^*&$%#@

andaiku tahu

another 1mth plus w/o my kakak

Raya outing

here in national library

helo

after 21 days not blogging...

hello there again

hari raya orders

wat have i done......

back after such a long time.....

~Ms ConfuseD~

lotz of tings happened........

bdae!!!!

LOVE?

wat a presentation......

i miz my sec bestie frenz...

bad, sad day

wat's new...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

hmm....

tinking too much...

life reali changes very fast

Friends??

~Time Passes Reali FAST~

*A Smile i Would Never Forget*

hello there people...

sorry pple

//?/???????////???//

traumatic sis of mine

????????

alone and invinsible

i am dead yet still breathing??

hey.....

back to skool..

y am i dis way??

VIRAL GE!!!! GO AWAY!!!!

2/06/2006.. a date to remember...

oh my gosh!!

i am tired.....

Everything'S OVER!!!!!

i am lost........

it was such a tiring dae!!

A SHOCKING ExPeRiEnCe!!

EXAMS ARE OVER!!

my new blog skin!!

wat a week.........

OH MY GOSH!!!!

a dae out wif my best frenz...

~i Am wEaK~

?I aM ToRN?

......i aM SiCk......

..Oh gOd...pLz HeLp Me.....

*iT sTiLL hUrTs*

IT HURTS!!!!!!

*CaN ThErE Be MoNeY rAiN?*

*BuSy WeEk..*

...WiShEs FoR 2006...

~~~~~~~*~

A Smile i Would Never Forget

iT sTiLL hUrTs

CaN ThErE Be MoNeY rAiN?

BuSy WeEk..

......JoUrNaL 32......

......JoUrNaL 311......

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