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my off dae
Tuesday, November 27, 2007

yesterdae was my off dae... sundae is always an off dae for me... but mondae is my 2weekly off dae... so kinda of fun... sun off.. mondae off.. haha...

supposed to meet jian hao... gg down to his camp area... pick him up and den go out to get sum stuff.... i was already prepared... but den my brother called me.. he needed help.... so i msg jian hao and genevieve told them i cannot make it down... i was like reali sori... my brother needs me more...

my brother picked me up at tampines mall area.... he was like reali famished... so we went down to changi airport... headed to BK.... me and him... together with his 2 sons...... i was carrying his 2nd son... he was pushing his first one on his pram..... i noticed tat pple are staring... coz it seems like we are a family.... and they gave me and my bro a stare... coz i still look young... hahahahaha.... so funny.... niwaes... after eating... we went over to the viewing mall..... let the kids see a plane taking off....

at abt 6plus.... we left to pick his wife up from werk... but she was late.... by tat time... the kids were crying.... one is hungry... and wet... the other is wet.... changed thier pampers... and made the milk for the little one.... den wen kakak was done wif werk.... he and kakak sent me home....

well... abg... i reali hope tat u have lots of patience now..... looking and hearing the probz u are facing..... insya allah.... tings will get better.... GOD loves you and ur family aite..... oh ya... i love you too... haha... take carez aite....

i am getting stronger as daes pass by... i am accepting the fate tat is on me.... i am not gg to have ani more hope.... cozi guess u are hopeless..... we will juz be frenz for now.... i will find my own life..... myown path of living..... u take carez.....

Written By Nurjihan, 10:58 AM
i am lost
Saturday, November 24, 2007

i am drowning in my own tears...................

i am juz a plain girl who is broken into million pieces......
troubled and puzzled wif life....
so many questions kept in my head.....
nvr had the chance to ask any.....
worried and confused...
i am basically losing my loved ones in my life....
no one understands me........
everyone's using me......
i am a spare part to you...you...and you.....
but y?
every tot of wat is in my heart?
didn't tink you have the time to though.......
y do u give me so much hopes??
wen will u open ur eyes??
wen will i open my eyes too.......
i am still holding on to the hopes tat you gave... and still giving....
hoping tat tings will be able to make me smile..... again.....
smiling wif a jumping joyful heart.......
and not like now..... smiling wif a sad and hurt

Written By Nurjihan, 10:37 PM
@#$#@%^*&$%#@
Tuesday, November 20, 2007

y dun pple understand me?
y do pple alwayz mistaken me?
y do pple alwayz look down on me??
y do pple alwayz have to hurt me?
y do pple hate me??
y dun pple accept me for who i am??

lotz of question in my head now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna run away from everything and everyone.... i wanna be alone and clear tings in my head............... i am starting to hate myself..... i worry history will repeat itself....... i dun wan to injury myself animore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Written By Nurjihan, 10:29 PM
andaiku tahu
Sunday, November 18, 2007

hi hi... back again to blog... hehe...
oh well... first ting first... congrats to one of my relative... who juz got married yesterdae... actually i dun noe the relationship between both of us... she is my mum's cuzin's daughter.... so she and me is??? haha.. nvr mind... as long i noe tat she is my relative.. haha... hopefully... the marriage tat u juz built will last till foreva..... amin....

next wk... i have a wedding to attend to also... its my frenz wedding... y is there so many marriages ard me? i feel so old now.. haha... wif all the marriages.... its not a shock to alwayz get pressurized by my aunts and my grandparents especially... asking wen will it be my turn... i am the 4th oldest among my cuzins... tis is among my mum's side.... nvr close wif my dad's side though.. aniwaes... i still have 3 elder cuzins who is suppose to get married first u noe... y me? i mean i have an elder sis too.. go and pressure her first.. haha.. oh well... as usual... my grandma always gets sensitive abt tis topic... for the fact tat she wants to see us getting married before she close her foreva... and she says tat she wants the feel of being a great grandma... gosh... she is reali tinking far... haha....

niwaes... i have alwaez wanted to blog y i chose tis song to be on my blog... here is the lyrics to the song..... it has a very deep meaning attached....

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day It's as if I play a part
Now I see If I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now In a world where I Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
i guess i dun have to explain wat the song means huh... its reali obvious.... tis is how i feel... and i shall not explain animore.... hmm.. gtg now pple... will blog again soon....

Written By Nurjihan, 5:58 PM
another 1mth plus w/o my kakak
Monday, November 12, 2007

harlow...... well3... finally i have my own laptop and internet connection... yeppie!!! i am so hapi.. hahahaha.... after such a long time of keeping all in my heart and being unable to blog things out.,.... at last!! hehe... so hapi... i mean tis is like the only best way i will let out wat is in my heart... how i feel..... hehe.....

i had a long 3 day break from werk... had my OFF day on friday... accompanied my mum to CGH for her check up... den went home.... sat was the dae i claim my PH for raya... PH in lieu... tat afternoon my elder sis came back from japan... spent the evening wif her... miz her lotz.... she bought me stuff from japan... hehe... lurve it lotz... haha.. thankz kikin...
i mention tat i had 3 daes break rite? so far i only mentioned only 2 days... the last dae... was the sending off ceremony... my elder sis.. she had to leave for another 5 more countries... firstly heading to indonesia.. the sending off ceremony was like super sad... we went ard the cruise... for abt 1hr in the cruise and lotz of photo taking.... there were the ceremony... den there they went off in the ship... but b4 tat... they had a ribbon throwing ceremony.. we were on land.. whereas they were on the ship... my sis were given like abt 10 meter long ribbon... paper ribbon tat is... she threw it form the ship... while i had to catch it from the land... we held on to the ribbon till the ribbon will eventually break by itself...it reali very heart warming... i felt so touched.... b4 the ship even moved... i started crying... den my sis starte dto cry... i could not control my tears... juz so sad... oh well... had to be alone.. wifout her for the next 1mth plus... she will be back in mid-december.... oh well.. so can't wait for tat dae to come... will be reali hapi...

hmm... pple.. gtg now... will be back blogging soon... take carez all... nitez... muackz....

Written By Nurjihan, 7:53 PM
Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Hey there pple… how are you guys? Fine I hope… hmm…. Guess wat.. my cuzin actually let me use this laptop for days…. Therefore I cannot waste the opportunnnity given to me rite?? Haha… I noe I a m bad… but den again… I am like s bored not using the comp for reali a long time… aniwaes… I guess I have to update abt myself since its been reali a while I blog……………………….

Hmm…. Me… recently juz planned to get married in the next 5 months… haha… found the love of my life… my Mr. Right…… he is so sweet and cute….. getting married in march… in between both our birthdays…. Mine is 6th march… his is on the 19th march… so we are tying a knot on the 16th of march… a date I guess I will cherish my whole life…..

Oh well… now its already November…. Towards the end of the yr… there is like so many birthdays I have to remember…
-31 oct: shuhadah..my younger sis
-1st nov:syafiqah.. my closest cuzin…
-2nd nov: kak nur…my sis in law
-2nd nov: Hermi… my dearest bestie fren
-3rd nov: kak shikin…..my eldest sis
-7th nov… the love of my life…. My mum…
-23rd nov: naufal…. My dearest cutest nephew
This are some of the birthdays of my dear ones tat are in my head for now…. There are sum more… especially my frenz….. but to list down all is kinda of impossible… haha.. dun be sad my dears…. Your birthday will still be remembered…. Aite…

Well… I guess all in all I am happy werking for nkf… even though they are changing to a new management….. lots of changes being done… and some can be kinda irritating…. But I still have a long way to go…. Its gonna be 2 months since I started werk… I am already practicing to be in charge on a cubicle… not as easy as it looks… coz I deal with veins, arteries, bloods.. grafts everyday…. I kinda get use to it… but den I can still feel the pain they are going thru… I mean no doubt tat they have been having dialysis for years… a sharp object is still poking thru ur skin…. As long as they are call humans… pain can still be felt… well… wen I see some of my patients, their courage… patience… tolerance….. I feel more excited to go to werk everyday… becoz of my patience….. they somehow give me strength to live each day as it comes by… I admire my patient strengths…. To see their smiles on their faces despite the pain and hurdles in their lifes… I shall be the same den… I should promise myself to not come to werk wif a sad face no matter sad I am…. Coz I am suppose to put on a smile on my face for my dear patients…………

Hmm….. if u all actually believe my story tat I juz told u guys abt me getting married… den I guess u pple still dun noe me tat well yet… hahahha… I am juz kidding…. I mean…. I guess I am expected to write some major things tat occur to me coz its been reali a lone time since I log in to my msn or blog…. But I guess… I have no reali big events tat happen to me…. Other den my elder sis flying off to japan for her exchange programme… b4 cumin back to rest in singapore wif all her frenz form diff countries…. And gg off in a cruise to another 4more countries….. its been like only 12 days since she has left for japan…. But it felt like its been already 2 months…. She still have 40 more days of travelling….. oohhh……. Haiz…. Niwaes praying tat everything goes smoothly for her….. amin…

Got to go guys…. Hope to be blogging reali soon… coz I am getting my internet and my laptop soon… yeah!!!!!! Hahahahahaha…….. so excited……… take carez all………………

Written By Nurjihan, 6:42 PM