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sad memories...
Sunday, January 08, 2006

hmm.. still unable to sleep...
0134 in the morning still in front of my comp...
guess i should continue wif my 2nd part of my blog..
promised u all oreadi.. hmm..
tis are all the sad and hurting memories of 2005...
after a reali hard time forgetting my 5 yrs plus crush...
i try mixing ard more wif pple..
got introduce to a guy by my cuz..
had a lot of sweet nitez together wif him...
but on the fone lah....
den all of a sudden.. got no news from him after our first meet...
den had miz understanding between me and my buddy...
wen it was not even my fault...
den got to noe another guy...
tis one oso same...
spent lotz of sweet nitez wif him..
on the fone.. even though he a bit crazy at times..
but tis one a bit diff..
he wanted me to be his gal..
after he saw my pic...
and after i saw his pic too...
even though i admire him lotz..
lurve his voice and conversating wif him..
i had to reject him...
onli GOD noes y...haiz....
den a few mths later..
sumone wanted to get to noe me..
being frenz not wrong after all...
so ya... well.. we sooner get very close..
and wat shocked me was tat he saw me b4..
he saw me during my attatchment..
we oso end up having nitez of sweet chatting...
but he was a bit diff..
his was not onli nite..
after skool.. he will kol me.. and i will accompany him..
accompany him on the fone till he gets home..
and vice versa..
he will kol me wen i finish skool..
and he accompanies me till i get home..
he was extra special..
dun noe y.. but ya...
i fell for him... but forcing myself not to..
but too bad.. he oso felt the same.. none voiced out..
so both of us did not noe tat we had feelings for each other..
haiz.... too bad...... :(
but wen he found out abt it...
and wen i found out abt it....
i guess everyting was too late...
he had oreadi patched up wif his ex...
and left me all alone....
tis all happened... coz he tot i did not have feelings for him..
and to add to tis misery...
he told me once... to actually...
WAIT FOR HIM!!!!???!!!
told him tat i am sooo stressed... and confused...
he said he shall not want to do aniting wif me ani more..
and tat i am out of his contact list...
tis is the most saddest memories of yr 2005...
tis incident left me crying for days and nitez...
crying for weeks and months...
until one particular day..
i decided tat i should put a stop to tis and be strong...
pretend tat none of tis happened..
which was hard.. reali hard... but i had to do it..
so ya... my blogs... my nick... my everything...
was all abt forgetting him..
i was being very hard on myself..
and wen i tot i manage to get rid of him from my head...
he came back!!!! lookig for me..
saying tat he miz me.. and stuff like tat...
and tat wen i did not wan to bother him..
he say i am being bad..
setteled sum stuff wif him..
and now.. we are frenz.. well i tink so..
but i guess he still keeps the feeling he once had for me..
coz on and off he will hint me abt it...

argh!!!!!till today...
i dun noe wat i am suppose to do...
of all the pple in the world...
y muz i fall for him.. and y muz i be hurt by him...
pple eva ask me..
y him? he is not reali tat good looking..
he is still a student.. like me..
wat was there in him tat i was sooo stucked to?
i told them... it was his heart.. and his care...
he was like sumone special sent down for me..
but after tis incident..
i guess not... well.. i tink so...
so overall...yr 2005 was a reali heavy yr..
a yr where i was hurt over and over again...
my heart is now asking for forgiveness..
it cannot stand being broken repeatedly animore..
i am sowie....
well.. gtg now actually...
will be posting another blog abt my wishes for 2006...
take carez guyz..

Written By Nurjihan, 1:28 AM