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*...*...*JoUrNaL 17*...*...*
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

hey there people..
as i have promised..
i will come back and blog again rite..
see... i am back.. i did not lie..
hahaha..
niwaes.. how are you all..
hope you all are fine...
if not.. you all can come looking fer nurse jihan okiez??

well... fer todae's journal..
in wanna write sumting abt me and my fwenz...
my frenz oso noe abt me.. and my problem..
me and my low self esteem and low confidence..
so.. they actually wrote tis to me.. in zorpia lah..

tis is from amana:
I was reading through some of my friends blog while sarah change my blogskin, and I found out that one of my friend have got very low self-esteem and confidence. I can't really say that I blame her for thinking that way, I mean I know how she feel...
"Jihan, you are beautiful in your own way. Though we've hardly talked after attachment, I just hope you get better. Matters of the heart are the most simplest and complicated. Sometimes, in life, patience plays a very important part. And when all the waiting finally paid off, a little self-confidence helps. Because when you are confident, people tend to take a second look at you. It's the same theory like presentation. When you are confident in your presentation, people tend to pay more attention cause they think that you know what you are presenting. But when you lack the confidence, people always tend to think that you do not know what you are doing even though you do. Don't ever believe what people say about you cause you are so much more."
"True, you may be fat (like me) but if a guy is to just look at you physically and dump you after knowing you are fat, just dump him. You deserve so much better than jerks. I have always firmly believe that when true love comes, you'll know it. True guys are very superficial creatures, never looking beyond the surface but that's why they are called guys or should I say boys. I'm sure I do not have to say things like "Treasure the guy when he sees you for who you are and not how you are" etc, cause I know you will. But don't put yourself down and stop believing just because you are fat. If someone ever says you are fat, well, just let them know that they will be fat too. Because if you ask the people around you, I'm sure every single one of them will say very confidently that you are beautiful. And don't ever stop believing that you are beautiful inside out." :)
Since young, I was called Fat by alot of the boys in my class since primary school. I mean no one like being call fat, so, I started believing and I had really low self-esteem, confidence, and I never dare to speak up. But one day, I decided that this is not the way I want my life to turn out to be. True, I may be fat. But there is no rule saying that I have to feel inferior all my life because I am fat. I decided to turn a deaf ear to the piggy sounds the boys made, and all the names they called me. Soon, they left me alone. And my whole secondary life, not a single boy called me Fat or gave me any names. Because once they realised that I don't give a damn, they just stop.(Partly because I'm the Eng Rep and they need to be polite to me cause they are always forgetting their homework.And partly because of my 'black' face too.) Leadership roles, class rep, choir committee, they just keep coming because I was confident. Because I believe that it's what I have inside that really makes a person and not what you have outside. And people respect you when you have that.
True, it isn't easy. My confidence level do waiver from time to time but I believe that once the mind is set, everything is ready to go.
As for love life, I used to fret over it. People all around me are getting into relationships but not me because of my size. Well, no more now. Cause, I won't die without boys (They will always be boys until they mature and I think they never will). True, quite sad, miss out on the relationship "feeling/s" but if compared to other things like friends, work, money, God etc, that will be last on my list. Motto in relationship "If have, good. If don't have, too bad but won't die." Besides, judging the way the 'boys' nowadays are behaving, I doubt I will want to have a relationship at all.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but works can never hurt me."

tis is from yue ning:
went to see amanda's journal.. and i've also got somethings to say to jihan..
*jihan.. you are actually very pretty, pure and kind gal.. pple may look good physically, but nobody noes wat they thinking in the inside.. you are not only beautiful physically, but you are also kind in nature.. during attachment, you have already show your kindness, sweetness on your 'grandmother' in ward 46.. you even went back to hospital with nurul to visit her on our off days.. if im you, i wouldnt have gone back.. lazy.. i may not noe your pts in ward 44, but you after we off our duty, you are still worry for your pts.. sometimes even it's already 9, but bcoz of pts, you work 'overtime' without any extra pay.. not all pple may see this special side of oyu, that's why they judge you by your look.. jihan.. dun care abt how ple look at you physically, the most impt thing is wat's inside your heart.. jo and me think that you got really very beautiful eyes.. i believe a lot of us agree.. you told me that you get to noe me better during our attachment.. me too.. not only noe you better, but also i've got the privilage to see the different jihan.. the jihan who care a lot for your pt.. be more confident, jihan.

haha.. i appreciate them lotz and lotz manz.. even though i have yet to feel fantastic.. at least i feel better i guess... and pple.. i guess tat's all fer todae.. will come back and blog again sum other time.. take carez pple..

Written By Nurjihan,♥ 11:09 AM