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*...*...*JoUrNaL 19*...*...*
Thursday, July 28, 2005

hey there pple..
how are u all..
hope all of you are fine...
hhmm.. i am like veri stress now
tis week is sooo bz..
hhmm..lets see wat i did tis week..

mondae.. had to complete my project..
coz tue presentation..
compiled all the info.. typed till finish...
stayed till9 in skool...
straight after lesson which ended at 7
so tired.. den called my dad pick me up
was not in the mood to go home..
lazy... and oso i felt reali down tat dae..
luckily my dad wanted to fetch me..
thanks soo much papa..
den went home...continued doing project online wif frenz
finish it... and slept.. abt 1 plus..

tuesdae.. hhmm.. it was a rainy morning..
damn heavy...soooo cold manz...
muz reach skool by 7 am....
my dad wanted to send.. but it will be too early den..
so decided to go by bus still..
reached skool at 7.10.. haiz.. a bit late..
den did our project...and made sum ammendments
skipped the 2nd lecture which was at 9-10..
coz we still have to print to transparency..
made changes.. den rush down and print to transperancy..
wow... we made it on time for our presentation at 10.10...
juz on time..luckily manz..
presentated.. and teacher said it was ok.. gud...
there was not much mistakes ar..
kewlz... gud fer us...
hard werk paid off...

wednesdae...hhmm..
slacked fer sum time..
after the tired werk during presentation yesterdae
den.. was preparing fer our next presentation..
haiz... sooo many presentations..
have 2 more projects.. and i debate to do..
argh!!!!!!
stressed...
oh ya... my abg msg me..
he said he was sick..
ooohhhhh....... so sad..
hope you get well soon abg...
muz be fit.. so can do werk okiez...
niwaes..had our group meeting...
fixed duites fer each one of us..
and will meet up again on fridae..

thursdae.. which is todae lah..
had a group meeting..
another gropu lah..
discuss projects and assign duties..
as a leader.. i muz be fair to all..
assigned to all.. and den dismissed them..
oh ya...
juz now during lecture.. my abg called..
chat wif him..but ended up..
he intepreted my words wrongly..
haiz..chatted fer like half an hour..
den apologiesd sooo much to him..
den still felt guilty abt it...
msg him... and said sowie again...
but he fergive me...
yea!!!!! thanks abg...

niwaes.. gtg guys...
my dear youngest sis crying lah..
wants me to sleep wif her..
take carez guyz..
smilez alwayz..^_^

*you gave me hope.. but in the end.. juz threw the hopes in the drain..*
*i guess it is funny and u enjoy breaking my heart.....*

Written By Nurjihan,♥ 9:51 PM
*...*...*JoUrNaL 18*...*...*
Friday, July 22, 2005

hey there people..
tis is my blog's new look..
nice or not??
honestly lah.....
hahaha..
all thanks to hidayat...

well.. as u can see..
"LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD.."
tis words are true to me manz..
battlefield.. and i am the one in it..
once u step in it...
it will take u al hard time to get out of it...
i so regret stepping into the battlefield..
but i am still alone lah...
looking fer sumone to battle with..
i guess those who entered the battlefield..
they ran out immediately..
coz they saw me.. the giant..
they surely noe they will lose one..
haiz..
i am still waitingfor my prince charming to come...
where are u my dear prince charming??
5 yrs ago.. i tot i found him...
but i guess i was wrong...
i guess he is my prince charming..
but i was never his princess...
i was dreaming all by myself...
haiz.... pity myself..

now in skool... there is tis 2 guys...
the 2 guys whom i ever got a crush on..
and now tat i noe i have no hope in them..
i am ignoring them...
but.. my heart juz cannot except the fact..
the fact tat i have to let them go...
everytime i see them..
my heart will jump of excitement..
but i am forcing myself not to look..
neither should i have any feelings fer them animore..
i am forcing myself to do so...
but it is hard manz...
and there is another guy whom i like..
abt tis guy.. no one noes abt him..
onli me and my heart..
i am oso forcing myself to ferget him...
everytime i tok to him or wat..
i force myself to remove the feelings i have fer him..
it is not easy.... but i have to do it..
haiz.. i am sooo sowie to my heart fer torturing it...
it cannot be helped lah..
but i rather torture my heart now...
coz i noe i am the one who is bad...
rather den later i am hurt by them..
haiz...haiz...haiz...
niwaes.. i have to go and continue my projects now..
take carez and see ya again..
smilez alwayz..

*LoVe rEaLi hUrTs.. NoW tAt I nOe i hAvE BeEn lOvInG SuMoNe wHo hAvE NeVeR LoVeD Me.....*

*LoViNg sUmOnE Is WoNdErFuL... bUt lOvInG SuMoNe oNe-SiDeD... iS vErI HuRtInG..*

Written By Nurjihan,♥ 4:36 PM
*...*...*JoUrNaL 17*...*...*
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

hey there people..
as i have promised..
i will come back and blog again rite..
see... i am back.. i did not lie..
hahaha..
niwaes.. how are you all..
hope you all are fine...
if not.. you all can come looking fer nurse jihan okiez??

well... fer todae's journal..
in wanna write sumting abt me and my fwenz...
my frenz oso noe abt me.. and my problem..
me and my low self esteem and low confidence..
so.. they actually wrote tis to me.. in zorpia lah..

tis is from amana:
I was reading through some of my friends blog while sarah change my blogskin, and I found out that one of my friend have got very low self-esteem and confidence. I can't really say that I blame her for thinking that way, I mean I know how she feel...
"Jihan, you are beautiful in your own way. Though we've hardly talked after attachment, I just hope you get better. Matters of the heart are the most simplest and complicated. Sometimes, in life, patience plays a very important part. And when all the waiting finally paid off, a little self-confidence helps. Because when you are confident, people tend to take a second look at you. It's the same theory like presentation. When you are confident in your presentation, people tend to pay more attention cause they think that you know what you are presenting. But when you lack the confidence, people always tend to think that you do not know what you are doing even though you do. Don't ever believe what people say about you cause you are so much more."
"True, you may be fat (like me) but if a guy is to just look at you physically and dump you after knowing you are fat, just dump him. You deserve so much better than jerks. I have always firmly believe that when true love comes, you'll know it. True guys are very superficial creatures, never looking beyond the surface but that's why they are called guys or should I say boys. I'm sure I do not have to say things like "Treasure the guy when he sees you for who you are and not how you are" etc, cause I know you will. But don't put yourself down and stop believing just because you are fat. If someone ever says you are fat, well, just let them know that they will be fat too. Because if you ask the people around you, I'm sure every single one of them will say very confidently that you are beautiful. And don't ever stop believing that you are beautiful inside out." :)
Since young, I was called Fat by alot of the boys in my class since primary school. I mean no one like being call fat, so, I started believing and I had really low self-esteem, confidence, and I never dare to speak up. But one day, I decided that this is not the way I want my life to turn out to be. True, I may be fat. But there is no rule saying that I have to feel inferior all my life because I am fat. I decided to turn a deaf ear to the piggy sounds the boys made, and all the names they called me. Soon, they left me alone. And my whole secondary life, not a single boy called me Fat or gave me any names. Because once they realised that I don't give a damn, they just stop.(Partly because I'm the Eng Rep and they need to be polite to me cause they are always forgetting their homework.And partly because of my 'black' face too.) Leadership roles, class rep, choir committee, they just keep coming because I was confident. Because I believe that it's what I have inside that really makes a person and not what you have outside. And people respect you when you have that.
True, it isn't easy. My confidence level do waiver from time to time but I believe that once the mind is set, everything is ready to go.
As for love life, I used to fret over it. People all around me are getting into relationships but not me because of my size. Well, no more now. Cause, I won't die without boys (They will always be boys until they mature and I think they never will). True, quite sad, miss out on the relationship "feeling/s" but if compared to other things like friends, work, money, God etc, that will be last on my list. Motto in relationship "If have, good. If don't have, too bad but won't die." Besides, judging the way the 'boys' nowadays are behaving, I doubt I will want to have a relationship at all.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but works can never hurt me."

tis is from yue ning:
went to see amanda's journal.. and i've also got somethings to say to jihan..
*jihan.. you are actually very pretty, pure and kind gal.. pple may look good physically, but nobody noes wat they thinking in the inside.. you are not only beautiful physically, but you are also kind in nature.. during attachment, you have already show your kindness, sweetness on your 'grandmother' in ward 46.. you even went back to hospital with nurul to visit her on our off days.. if im you, i wouldnt have gone back.. lazy.. i may not noe your pts in ward 44, but you after we off our duty, you are still worry for your pts.. sometimes even it's already 9, but bcoz of pts, you work 'overtime' without any extra pay.. not all pple may see this special side of oyu, that's why they judge you by your look.. jihan.. dun care abt how ple look at you physically, the most impt thing is wat's inside your heart.. jo and me think that you got really very beautiful eyes.. i believe a lot of us agree.. you told me that you get to noe me better during our attachment.. me too.. not only noe you better, but also i've got the privilage to see the different jihan.. the jihan who care a lot for your pt.. be more confident, jihan.

haha.. i appreciate them lotz and lotz manz.. even though i have yet to feel fantastic.. at least i feel better i guess... and pple.. i guess tat's all fer todae.. will come back and blog again sum other time.. take carez pple..

Written By Nurjihan,♥ 11:09 AM
*...*...*JoUrNaL 16*...*...*
Monday, July 11, 2005

hey there people..
my millions apologies..
so so sowie to those who wanted to read my blog
but there was noting..
sowie... so so sowie..
i have been bz lately wif attatchment and stuff..
last friday which is the first of july..
juz ended my attatchment.. mondae. the fourth of july..start skool..
and guess wat...
my new attatchment dates are out..
attatchment fer august..
i reali hope i will enjoy tis attatchment..
coz i will be attatched to cgh again.. and den i will be going to KKH...
argh.. i cannot wait fer tat manz
cannot wait to see the cute faces and the innocent faces..
surely fun one ah..
okok.. i will not continue ani more abt my attatchments...
or i will see some of u moving the mouse and clicking the close sign..

well.. i wanna tell u all sum ting abt tis guy i noe..
i tink sum of u might be wondering... y so fast i wan 2 get to noe guys..
coz i have been hurt over and over again lah..
i wanna find a new replacement in my heart..
so i wun tink abt the ones tat i lurve..
haiz.. i am finding fer a long term one lah..
honestly telling u all.. but as sum pple say..
wait long2.. keep on dreaming jihan..
well.. i hope my dream will become a reality one day..
oh ya.. abt tis guy..
well.. everyday he will call me and we will chat fer a veri long time..
evrydae manz.. he sound nice lah..
but he have tis problem tat i hate...
he sound pervetic at times..
tat is the part abt him i am not comfortable lah..
den i decided to be more careful..
and tat tis friendship should remain tis way.. and not more..
so i asked my dearest brother's opinion...
and not fergetting my dear buddy.. i ring him up the other day..
we oso had a long long chat.. we chatted fer 2 hours..
exactly 2 hours u noe..the funniest part is wat u noe..
we count down.. wen we reached the 2 hour timing.. both of us said bye and hung up
it was kewlz manz.. hahaha
niwaes.. b4 i go off track even more..
hhmm.. abt tis guy..
i decided to make up a story..
so i msg him one day and told him i was hapi giler..
he asked me y.. and i told him should i tell him coz he onli my new fren..
den he told me.. fren? he tot i am his galfren..
i was like ????
galfren?
wow.. tat was shocking to hear..
coz we have not even met.. and tat we have onli knew each other fer quite sumtime
and he was like change the topic.. and he ask me y i was hapi lah..
den i say there is tis special guy who told his hearts out to me.. and i am hapi lah
den he replied back tis..... :-(
i ask him y.. wat happened.. he keep on saying noting..
and he said tis.."i noe lah.. who am i rite.."
he sound so so sad..
i feel bad but wat can i do manz..
he sent me his foto too..
and ya true enuf.. not onli he sound pervetic.. but he look the same too..
haiz.. honestly speaking...
i tot i am able to find a long term partner..
but i guess wat pple say to me all tis while is true..
dream on jihan.. u are so fat-hope...
i reali hope tat my dream will become a reality one fine day...
and wen it does become a reality.. i will show them...
u pple out there..
pray tat i will get a long term partner soon..
and he better be a guy of some sense..
haha.. i sound like a desprate gal huh?
sowie.. i am not one lah..

niwaes.. i better get going now..
you take carez and smilez alwayz okiez..
see ya again..

Written By Nurjihan,♥ 4:30 PM