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*...*...*JoUrNaL 4*...*...*
Saturday, April 30, 2005
hey guys... i am back again...
i wanna continue wif the 2nd part of the poem
tis 2nd poem has a bit of twist...
hhmm... tat is wat i tink lah...
so.. here's the 2nd part....
for 4 years now i have fallen in love wif you i guess it was hard for you to accept the fact i dun care wat people say abt me and you all i know is tat a fact will remain a fact
it is easy for people to just fall in love but it is hard for people to fall in a sincere love i am sincere about tis love but i dun noe how you feel about tis love
there are so many words to explore but i choosethe word LOVE i hope i will find the true meaning but i have yet to i still dun get the reason why you have to reject tis love why muz tis fact always remain a dream
people have always tot tat we were couple we both look so happy being wif each other everyday i have always smiled upon hearing the word couple in my heart hoping tat it would come true one day
my heart has only one name carved on it tat is how special you are in my life now tat i have to bear the pain uncarving it i could not replace tat special person in my life
now i am ready to sit and tink words are easier to be said than to be done uncarving it is not as easy as you tink
i finished up all my homework wif you and now we are all done i guess i have no choice but to forget the memories i had wif you i dun noe how but it has to be done
i have always questioned myself 'why me?' why did i hurt myself to uncarve your name i have never lost hope in having you to love me but i hope you will not be too late tat i have uncarved your name
people have always come up to me telling me to smile and be cherful again oh GOD please help me could YOU juz make me smile once again
i have nvr been able to sleep in peace... without tinking of him... he is always in my mind... and it reali hurts to remember our memories we had together... yesterdae nite... i could not sleep till 2am... coz i was onli tinking of him... i could not forget his smile.. his laughter... and his jokes... neither can i forget his caring-ness.... his concern and his kind-heartedness... i reali miss you....
tat is the end of my poem... you are all welcome to drop any comments on my tag board... thanks for reading.... sowie if tis poem is boring... see ya all next time... bubbyez... and take carez ya... smilez alwayz...^_^
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 10:55 PM
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*...*...*JoUrNaL 3*...*...*
Friday, April 29, 2005
hey people out there...
how are yoou guys doing huh??
hope you guys are fine...
for those who are not feeling well...
for example my buddy...
take carez okiez....
dun forget to eat your medicine...
niwaes... i wanna dedicate tis poem tat i wrote...
till 2am... for someone special in my life...
reali special....
and if the poem is not nice....
you all are welcome to give your comments...
i am open to hear any comments...
whether it is positive or negative...
there are 2 parts of the poem
and here's how the first part of the poem goes....
i was only fourteen... when i got to know you... things doesn't seem the way it's been... having you around me...
babies are cute especially when they eat jelly but when the cry, they disturb mum and dad you came into my life when i was lonely started out as frenz but ended up more than tat...
a picture of you and me is in a frame always wondering when should we meet wheneva you were around me... my heart always skip a beat
wheneva i dream of you and me wheneva i am lonely or down you were always there for me
life is so precious wif you around me life now carries more meaning to me even though we were more than frenz we are not steady but juz special frenz tis is the end of my first part of the poem.... the second part is on my next journal... see ya... bubbyez.... take carez....^_^
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 10:12 PM
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*...*...*JoUrNaL 2*...*...*
Thursday, April 28, 2005
helo... i am back again... haiz.. wonder wen will my attatchment starts... so so bored sitting at home... always argue wif my sis.... den
yesterday was my youngest sis birthday... did not noe wat to buy for her.... first ting i am broke... den second ting... i have not been going out from house for quite a while.. den decided to buy her a chocolate... and it comes wif a card... which i did till 1am.. haha... drew her favourite cartoon character.... powerpuff gals... bubbles... since my art is not so good.. haha...guess wat.. i juz trace it out of a book... but i coloured it beautifully..... reali... i cut it out.. den pasted it on the original card tat i wanna give her... wow... it reali look nice lor...den waited for my dad to come home to celebrate her burfdae... waited...and waited... and waited... haiz... i have yet to his shadows even... we all waited till 11.30pm... her burfdae is almost over... pity her.. but we still celebrated.... we sang her a birthdae song... den in a split second.. everything went ugly.... my elder sis and younger sis were fighting... well not physically but verbally... den both disappeared from the table... den my parents started scolding... and scolding... den gave my sis her gift.. den ask her to sleep... coz it was 12.00 already.... i stayed up till 2... i watched ER and TRU calling.... tis 2 shows rocks lots...
niwaes.... i am supposed to go to east coast park.. together wif gen..jian hao..joanna.. yue ning and all... but... it was raining... and my mum as usual... was scolding.... i did not have the heart to go out lah... it wasn't nice to go out wen she is in a bad mood... of all people.. it have to be me tat she needs to scold rite.. and out of all dae.. it muz be todae tat has to rain rite.. haiz... it is juz my luck... GOD juz doesn't allow me to go beach todae... den decided to go back to skool wif jo and jian hao... since not going beach... we all juz decided to hang out in skool.... here i am in skool now... haha see lots of year ones.... we are now year 2 liao....(insya allah lah...)
k lah... better go now.. tink i will write a short journal onli... coz for the pass few journals... they were like damn long... sowie for those who read it... but i juz have to let the unhappiness out... thanks for those who read my blogs... and those who tag on my tagboard.. thanks so much.....
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 2:46 PM
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*...*...*JoUrNaL 1*...*...*
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
helo there... i am back again... sowie coz i have not been blogging in for quite some time... have been sick lately.... my nose... like a leaking water pipe.... and den cough... and making it worst... i had my asthme attack... luckily it is juz a minor one... haiz.... all tis muz be the result of the stress i had recently.... niwaes... my holidays have not been so fun as i have always wanted it to be... problems are the one who accompanied me all the way so far during my holidays... isn't tat boring....
den... most of the times at home... doing wat?? haha... cleaning the house... den sitting in front my computer... hahaha... but the computer always gives me problem... now you guys see wat i mean by problems are the one accompanying me.... problems of the computer... den problems at home... den problems of my heart...(should noe wat i mean by tis har...)
hey.. noe wat happened... i did not expect my buddy to actually do something tat would make me worry and sad... he wanted to end his life.... haiz... i tot onli i will take tat kind of actions... wen i read his blog... i suddenly recalled back wat happened during my secondary life... the dae wen i tried to end my life....well if not ending my life.. maybe juz getting myself injured.... i could not stand all the problems any more... there were reali lots of problems i faced during tat period of time.... and i could not face the fact tat such problems are reali happening... well you all may say tat i am stupid... doing something without thinking... but i was reali stressed out at tat point of time... i sat in my room... the usual place which gives me comfort... and used the pen knife.... to slash my hands... i juz continue to injure myself... the side opposite my palms... it was reali pain.... there were lots of slashes there... my wrist... i onli slashed like 2 coz.. there was 2 painful... well... i could not tink... den i juz dropped the pen knife... and was wondering wat i was doing.....i cried... and cried.... but sliently... no one noes.... i den wiped off the blood... den calmed myself down.. and went to sleep.... well... tinking back... can say... i reali took a stupid action... did it without tinking.. hahaha....
now... a promise is being made between me and my buddy.... no more stupid actions should be taken... tink b4 doing anything..... dun becoz of someone tat you love... but no response from them... you should end your life... if the person dun care abt you.... y should you end your life... it juz proves to them tat... all tis while.. wat they tot of you is true... YOU ARE WEAK AND USELESS..... well... tis is wat i concluded for myself.....
kkzz... got to go now... see ya soon.....
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 3:58 PM
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*...*...*Me aGaIn*...*...*
Saturday, April 23, 2005
hey there... it's been quite a while since i blogged in... have been stressed lately... maybe tat's y i get angry and emotional easily... haiz...
yesterday... went out wif my sec skool frenz... at last i could get out of my house... met them and went for religious class... den after tat... we went for our lunch... at LJS.... sat there for abt 1 and 1/2 hours.... we ate and chat at the same time.... den... tired of sitting... we walked around TM and CS... we didn't reali looked inside the shope...coz we were so engrossed in our talking... haha.. den... we didn't noe where to go coz we still have some more chatting to do... we had lots of updating of ourselves to do... since we have not for quite a long time... den after tat... one of them.. fasha... she had to go home...so..it is onli left with the 3 of us... decided to go to the nearest mosque..MASJID DARUL GHUFRAN to pray... waited for MARGHRIB...den we headed to the BK... bought ourselves each a drink..(me and my barley..hehe..) guess we are all tired of talking till we go thirsty.. hahahkz.. chatted and chatted.... one of them... suriani... she was sharing abt tis guy...they were both more den frenz... but den the guy told her tat it is better if they both remain as frenz... dun noe y... but she said tat the guy needs time...and tat he is stressed... haiz... wen she mention abt love... i get reali sad... now to me... the word LOVE..... is linked to DANGER
dun ask me y... she looked sad.. so i asked her y.... she said tat she could not forget the sweet memories they had together.... i still remember wat the other fren told me...whom is firah... she said tat...'MEMORIES ARE MEANT TO BE KEPT' but i asked y..... wat if the memories are very sweet yet it hurts if you have to keep it.... she told me tat... the decision lies in our hands.... if you tink you can bear the pain..and you dun wanna forget the memories... den keep it.. if you cannot.. den juz forget it...
till today... i am in a dilemma.... shold i keep those memories... those sweet memories... or should i juz forget abt it... but it is not easy for me to juz forget it juz like saying ABC.... but if i keep those memories.... it juz hurts me if i remember abt it... how?? how??
the sadness abt the topic is still in me... my heart beats reali fast... and tat it reali feels heavy... till i reach home... i juz kept quiet all the way... dun feel like talking... den wen i reach home... my sec 2 sis... whom have been rude to me.....alwayz...... started mumbling...nagging...abt me using the comp... y muz she find fault in me... all day... it was quiet..not hearing her voice...not fighting and arguing wif her... and the moment i reach home... she starts again..... ARGH...... i hate it ok...
i tink tat i have been stupid enough to be very kind hearted and being so good...and now she have stepped on my head... wen i am using the comp... she said tat she wanna use it in 5 minutes time... ok..i gave way to her... but wen it comes to her turn using the comp.. and i wanna use it... she will not allow... she will give me a straight answer at my face...'NO'.... and wen i say i am using it in 5 minutes... guess wat... she answered...'SO WAT... I WANNA USE THE COMP FOR ANOTHER 10 HOURS.....' i feel like i am a stupid sis and tat i have been fooled by her.... wat the shit man.... i cannot stand her anymore...... seriously.... am i being too kind...... am i being too stupid...(eh.. mayb i am already stupid..) wat am i supposed to do..... tat dae...(21/04/2005)..my elder sis and youngest sis argued or something lah... all i noe is tat i did not wanna interfere... and i did not wan any scolding as well.... so i went inside my room..(which is the safest and comfortable place especially wen i am down) had my dinner there and watched the TV.... all i noe is tat my mum were already shouting and scolding outside... i realli did not wan to interupt or wat... den.. my younger sis..the sec 2 one...came and asked me to get out..bear in mind tat is my room... i said i did not want...you all go and settle wif mum lah.. i dun noe anyting... guess wat happened next... she said'ENGKAU KLUAR SKARANK.. AKU CKP KLUAR KLUAR LAH....' rude rite... den the next moment... my mum went inside my room... started scolding me... wat did i do??? only god noes... haiz... i got scolding for notin... and my dinner... i didn't finish it.. appetite gone... den i msg my buddy..told him wat happened... he called me.. and consoled me... i feel so embarrased for the fact tat i was crying while talking to him.... haiz..... he is alwayz there for me... thanks so much.... appreciate it lots...
today...(23/04/2005) i am reali quite the whole dae.... i dun talk... and guess wat... i am also being treated as if i am invisible.... haha funny rite.... they all wanna leave the house... they did not even say a single ting to me.... i cannot force them to... but at the mostthey could do is say..'I AM GOING OUT'.... is tat difficult to say.... i can actually count how many words i said today.... haha... if i remain like tis the whole of next 2 weeks... i will be nuts...
got to go liaoz... hope you guys will pray for me tat i will not go nuts at home... and i reali cannot wait for my attatchment to come.. at least i wun see my sis.... see ya ard.. bubbyez
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 7:36 PM
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...*...*I aM BaCk*...*...
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
helo there.... i am here again to post a journal....
well... yesterday.. had a long chat wif my buddy... thru msn i mean...
told him my problems.... as usual... me and my problems...
den... he gave me advice... he such a counsellor...
thanks buddy.....
i tink and is still tinking....
how stupid could i be....
still waiting and waiting....
even after 1 year...
i nvr gave up...
and i have made up my mind....
i tink i better stop waiting...
coz the person i am waiting for....
will not appear in front of me....
i will nvr be able to accept the fact...
the fact tat i will have to forget him...
maybe... he has forgotten about me...
usually... girls are the one hurting guys...
but... for me..it is the guy tat is hurting me...
y muz i fall in love wif you??
y muz it be you....
and i noe you knew abt it....
and yet.... you gave me false hopes...
y is there a ting called love??
i juz dun understand...
you are the one tat gave me the courage....
the courage to continue on wif life....
everytime i have problems...
you were always there for me...
and the same goes to me....
everytime you had problems...
i am always there for you...
wen you did not come to school....
only GOD noes how worried i was...
wen you were injured...
i cried from inside...
i could feel the pain you are going thru...
we always had someting to talk about....
even to the extend of wat you wore last nite to bed...
i found it funny tat you had to tell me all tis...
but i tink it was ok... coz afterall...
we are very close....
i always made sacrifices for you...
reali especially for you...
i have always been scolded by my frenz...
and we all often argue wif each other...
and for your information...
it was all becoz of you...
they nvr liked you...
but i always denied all those bad things they said abt you...
everytime i heard you being insulted... and critisized...
me heart aches...
it reali does...
but you nvr knew abt it.... coz i dun wanna you 2 worry...
i always did wat you asked...
even to the extend tat i have to face my best frenz...
to the extend tat it will make my frenz unhappy...
but i will always console them... becoz i feel bad....
all i know is tat i have to make you hapi...
and after all tat i have done for you...
tis is wat you do to me??
for one long pathetic year....
i sat down and cried....
cried abt wat happened between us...
crying and hoping tat you will come and wipe my tears away...
but till today...
my tears is still rolling down my cheeks....
and i am still waiting for you to wipe it away...
waiting for you to console me and being there for me....
but you nvr came....
and the most hurting fact is tat...
there was not even a single msg from you...
a msg at least asking how am i....
i guess...you have deleted my number away from your hp...
i have yet the courage to delete your number...
something in me is telling me....'dun delete....'
i am waiting for a miracle to happen...
waiting for a year...
it juz feels like i have waited for a million years....
but... i guess the waiting have to end...
i have nvr imagined tis day to come...
the day where i have to delete your number...
the day where i have to forget who you are...
the day where i have to forget abt the sweet memories we had...
the day where i have to completely forget... who u are to me....
now i have to clear your name from my head....
hoping tat i will nvr remember abt you anymore...
i guess.....
tat day is today....
i am sick and tired of waiting....
waiting for a dream tat will nvr becoome reality...
all tis while... i wasted my time waiting for you....
and if you are reading tis...(which i bet you will nvr bother to...)
you muz be tinking tat i am reali stupid...
it is up to u....
you can call me wateva you wan...
you can call me stupid...
silly....
fat hopes......
idiot....
dream on....
say wateva you like...
coz i tink it is your mouth and tat i have no right to stop you...
and i noe i will nvr have the right to....
let all tis juz be memories to you and me...
wait... i dun even tink you wanna remember abt it...
juz forget it... neither will i remember you...
i will promise myself tat you will be a history to me...
maybe more like a pain and hurting history....
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 5:04 PM
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....argh....
Monday, April 18, 2005
ARGH........... i juz feel tat the whole world hates me.... maybe they tink tat i am a burden to them.... i dun blame them... coz i hate myself even... haiz.....
todae... went out wif me couzin and yat... well after a long week of exams and stress... tot tat i wanted a break and relax myself... so they asked me if i wanted to follow them to catch a movie and to go window shopping... so i tot it was a good idea after all.... so ya.... went out quite early... about 7.45...... den took bus 65 and reached heeren at about 9.15 like tat... den followed yat bought the tickets to 'guess who..' and den had breakfast together at BK..... den watched the movie... in the movie theater, i received a msg from my sis telling me tat my mum is angry with me.... i dun noe why lah... but she told me for the fact tat i went out quite early and ya... i tink so... den later i had 5 miss calls.... and guess from who?? my mum... haiz... and not onli tat... i received 2 msgs.... also from my mum.... i have been like onli 4 hours out and i got tis from her..... wat man..... den i called her back... while in the movie... den she ask me wat time i going home... i have not even finish having fun wif my frenz....and she is asking me wat time i am going home.... wateva... i told her tat i am going abt 4 plus...she told me to go home asap... coz she have something urgent and afraid tat she might not have the time to take my youngest sis home... den she ask me where i am... i told her i am in a movie theater... and she sounds unhappi.... i asked her... is it wrong for me to enjoy wif my frenz once in a while?? i feel like i am in a cage... and tat i have to be at home all the time... i reali feel embarrased for the fact tat i have not actually stepped into the esplanade... funny rite.... den wen i reached home... and my parents reached home too... my dad kept on talking abt responsibilities... and tat if u noe how to plan wif ur frenz wen and where to meet to go out and enjoy... you muz also noe how to clean the house...b4 leaving juz now... i remembered wat my mum told me... on the flask and on the rice cooker... i di those things and i also cleaned my room.... i am responsible and i noe wat i have to do... my dad keeps on talking abt tat... i get frustrated coz tis is like onli my first time going out wif my frenz... tinking tat i can enjoy and have fun after a long and tiring week of exams.... he actually implemented some rules and i feel tat it is unfair for me... coz my elder sis and my younger sis had irritate them more den i do... and wen i go out wif my frenz for the first time in tis year...(as in reali go out and enjoy for the whole day)he is angry...my elder sis have actually went out wif her frenz i tink like more den 100 times den me...and wen she goes out wif her fren... she always leave the house in a rush... and nvr does the household chores..(maybe in 100 times.. she only does like 3 times... and tat is also wif my mum nagging...) b4 leaving the house juz now... i actually cleaned my room and remembered wat my mum always reminded me to do... and tat is to switch on the switch for the flask and rice cooker... i did... and they are still not happi wif me... i dun noe wat they wan from me and i dun noe wat i am going to do... all i noe is tat they dun understand wat i wan and they have yet to understand me... they dun noe wat is in my heart...i tried my best to please them... and to please everyone around me... but it seems like i always fail.... y????? am i named 'THE FAILURE??' I JUZ HATE ALL TIS TINGS....
lately... i get stressed very easily and tat i get angry quite easily too... i noe it is bad for my health... but i juz cannot stand it... everyone around me have something against me...argh... tis is so irritating u noe... no one noes wat i want.... and no one understands me... but they expect me to understand them and please them?? all tis sucks...(sowie for my language.,.. but i juz cannot stand it anymore...) lets call it a journal already... i am sick and tired of tis ting... the more i tok abt it... the more i feel like crying.... see ya guys soon... hope tis journal is not boring...
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 7:10 PM
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*...*...*MuAcKz*...*...*...*
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Helo there... i am back again... i am feeling great today... had plans to go out with hadayat today... but ooppsss... decided to cancelled it... coz i going out with my family... den noe where... but all i noe is tat we are going out... i feel bad coz we had to cancel the dance work last minute.... coz... first of all.. i could not find pple to accompany me and yat...(sowie yat...) i asked my secondary school frenz... but all were busy... but i tink they wanted to go... but tis plans were all last minute... i also asked my buddy... but he had to study(i tink study is more important than tis dance ting) well... he said sowie coz he cannot make it.. its ok... then asked nurul but she were busy... she apologized too..... called joanna... but no one pick up...den ask my elder sis coz she loves all tis dance tingy... but too bad... she had to study for her exams...(not like me... mine is over...wwwhahahahaha...opps... sowie..) den it is only left wif me and yat... and he is not comfortable wif it... ya so i tink let's juz call it off as i also going out wif me family... i reali feel bad for the fact tat yat is so excited to go for tis dance work... den could not find pple... and have to cancel it last minute... reali sowie yat... sowie... sowie... sowie... sowie... sowie... sowie... sowie...sowie...sowie...sowie...sowie.........
niwaes... we still have plans to go out tis monday rite?? cannot wait t0 enjoy... hahaha...hope it will be an enjoyable day... so looking foward to going out on tat day... coz we going to watch movie... the story tat i like so much.... 'GuEsS WhO.....' hahaha... love tat story so much...
hahaha... now it is holiday time... having 3 weeks break... den 7 weeks attatchment at CGH... and den 1 more week of break... den... school starts again... so excited to go for attatchment again... coz we will be meeting patient again... but it also means more work... and more stress... coz our lecturers will be going with us to the hospital... checking on our skills.... see if we are ok... haiz.... so scared.... niwaes...wen skool opens... we were all be YR 2 STUDENTS...... kewl yar.... hahaha... we will be yr 2 and we have juniors already... hehehe... we are not the juniors anymore... but 11 weeks of not seeing and meeting my frenz???? so bored without my frenz... i will feel so lonely...
this is especially for those who read my blogs...
minah: hope we will be meeting each other in yr 2...(kalo ko tak suke sudah...hehehe...) but for me... having a cousin in the same skool... and lagi2 in the same course... in fun and we can study together... isn't it cool?? hahaha... and tis is for u... ur favourite word....'WATEVER'...oh ya... hapi holidays too....
hidayat: hope to see you 2 in yr 2....have a wonderful holiday... and hope we can blajar same2 and having fun together with minah... sowie abt today... the dance work... and hope we have a nice day tis monday...
yun: have a fun holiday... and hope to see you too in year 2... we will both make it together...insya-allah... coz you are not my baseline... and i hope i am not your baseline too... hahha...
fiqz: have fun studying and hope u do well for your mid-year exams and ur prelims and your olevels... thanks for all the support you gave me... and thanks for being there wen i needed someone... and dun forget to smilez alwayz...
oh ya.... tis song tat i change... thanks to yat.. he changed for me... nice rite the song?? tis is my favourite song manz.... the song is so nice... remind me of someone.... haiz...nvr mind lah... all i noe is tat everything happens for a reason... and tis is all GOD'S fate... and with ppl like you guys around me... life is much more worth it... bubbyez... see ya around... ^_^
...*WrItTeN bY JiHaN*...
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 6:24 PM
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....*yeppi*....
Friday, April 15, 2005
yoooohooo..... anione home?? jihan's here... and i am happi... coz... exams are over... yahooooo.... exams are stressing and it is over... but waiting for the results are also stressing.... aiyo... how leh... hope can pass... tried my best already... so hope my efforts will be paid off.... like how my buddy's efforts are being paid off.... they got a gold medal... cool rite... den my secondary school frenz are going to have a reunion together... sort of lah... gather back all the 5 of us... the good frenz...ha... so happi... at last get to meet them back.. after such a long time....
hey.. gtg now... my mum calling me home already liao... so...see ya later at nite... will be blogging in again...
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 11:01 AM
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*...*hey there*...*
Thursday, April 14, 2005
hey... i am back... but should be gone reali soon... can feel tat my body is starting to ache a lot lately... den my throat is very painful.. and keep on coughing... my nose also running... hope it is juz a normal flu becoz of stress... and hope it will go away reali soon... coz i dun wanna be sick after my exams... i wanna enjoy...
todae..the bio paper... it was ok lah... manage to do it lah... expected it to be reali hard... and i reali mean DIFFICULT... but over all... it was ok... i actually stayed up till 4am to study.. coz i am slow... and i need more time to get the facts in my brain... slept at 4.15... den woke up at 5... argh... very sleepy... could not wake up... but forced myself to... den in the bus... i reali cannot take it already... i slept... coz eyes were heavy... and my head were spinning.... den reach skool... got a comment from my fren..."u look like u nvr sleep yesterday..." i was like.. ya... i onli slept like for 1 hour or so... niwaes... now bio finish... left with 1029... tis subject more on calculation... hope i can do it... haha.. gtg now.. wanna continue go and study... bubbyez... see ya.... and dun forget to... Smilez Alwayz...^_^
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 7:07 PM
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*...*...*LoVe hUrTs*...*...*
Friday, April 08, 2005
helo... i am back here again... how are you guys... (who are reading my blog...) hope you guys are fine... niwaes... my life lately... has always been... dun noe how 2 discribe it..but wat i noe rite... i keep on thinking about him... it has already been about 2 years since i have not met him... (except for hari raya lah..) i juz cannot forget about him... i reali miss him....
i dun noe how to discribe wat is in my heart.. but tis is the best i can do...
i have always said a little prayer.. hoping tat my dreams will take me there.. i have always been in love wif you... i guess you noe it but... you pretend.... pretend not to noe it.... you are filled wif ego... but even though... i dun mind it... i look thru your heart.. the positive side of it... and not the negative side of it.. but i guess you never looked thru my heart.. you knew i have always loved you.. but all you could do is... TO SAY GOODBYE... tat hurts a lot.. my heart has been sliced... only god noes how the pain is... but i still have the courage to go thru the pain... now.. i realise wat is behind your smile.. the smile tat is so sweet... you had actually broken my heart behind tat wonderful smile... now.. you have walked out of the door.. the door tat lead to my heart.. i cried so many daes and nitez.. but there were no massages or calls from you... which you always DID... i still remember how close we were.... we had spent enough time in school... but we bothe choose to continue spending time wif each other.. even wen we reach home.. till nite time... now... wen my heart has been broken... where are you... where are all the sweet massages tat you used to put a smile on my face.. you have broken my heart... so please unbreak it... you had made me swam in my own tears... so please uncry these tears.. you hurt me so many times... so please undo tis hurt.. life is so dull without you in my life... so please bring back joy to my life.. bring back my smilez.. without you, there would be no sun in my life.. without you, there would be no love in my life..... and without you... there would be no world left for me... i can find no one to heal the pain in heart.. maybe for the time being.... tis is wat i can say wat is in my heart... so far lah... love reali hurts ya... but for wat i noe... the theory of love.. it actually means something nice.. something tat will not hurt you... but from experiences... the theory does noe fit into it...i wonder.... and is still wondering....... written by: me and myself...
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 3:12 PM
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*...*...*iSi hAtiKu*...*...*
Wajahmu selalu ditatapi... terasa suatu kerinduan yang amat sangat di dalam hatiku ini... dahulu bilaku kesepian... bilaku dihanyut oleh ombak nan resah.. dikau lah yang mengubatinya... dikau selalu disisiku bila ku memerlukanmu... kata-katamu selalu yang manis-manis sahaja... kata-katamu lah yang selalu menyejukkan hatiku... dan kata-katamu lah yang selalu menenangkan hatiku ini
tetapi itu semua dahulu... dahulu lah yang aku inginkan sekarang... aku rindu masa dahulu kita... bilakah agaknya masa dahulu kita akan kembali...
dahulu kau mengubati hatiku yang terluka... tetapi sekarang.. kau lah yang melukakan hati ku... tetapi mengapa?? itu lah soalan yang aku tertanya-tanya... dari dahulu hingga kan sekarang... mengapa seseorang boleh berubah hinggakan hati ku terluka... luka nya terlalu amat sangat... hatiku telah dihiris-hiris... oleh siapa?? oleh nya yang pernah mengubati hatiku dahulu...
sanggupkah seseorang menjawab soalanku... yang lama telah berada di dalam hatiku... mengapa dia berubah? aku tak dapat melupakan nya.... aku masih merinduinya... hingga ke hari ini.. kembalilah kepadaku.... sayangilah jiwa ini yang telah terluka... terluka yang amat sangat aku mohon..aku mohon... ...CiNtAmU yAnG pErNaH KaU BeRi..mAsIh dI DaLaM mEmOrIkU... WriTTEn By... Me aNd mYsElF...
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 7:44 AM
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Monday, April 04, 2005
YA ALLAH YA RAHMAN YA RAHIM, Lindunglilah dan peliharakanlah kami, kedua ibubapa kami, suami kami, anak-anak kami, kaum keluarga kami termasuk adik-adik dan kakak kami dan jugak abang kami, kawan-kawan kami & semua orang Islam dari azab seksa api nerakaMu YA ALLAH. Sesungguhnya kami tidak layak untuk menduduki syurgaMu YA ALLAH, namun tidak pula kami sanggup untuk ke nerakaMu YA ALLAH.Ampunilah dosa-dosa kami, terimalah taubat kami dan terimalah segala ibadahdan amalan kami dengan RAHMATMU YA ALLAH......AMIN.....
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 2:43 PM
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*...DeAr fReNz oF MiNe...*
*...fOr mY FrEnZ...* Well... helo there... hey.. i feel tat tis way of typing is so boring... my old way ws better.. but some people juz complain about the typing saying tat it is very weird... wat onli... but.. i tink.. it is easier for them to read.. nvr mind lah.. hehehe... niwaes... i am now in skool... came back for a 1 and 1/2 hour remedial.. den now planning to study till 9pm..but have not start yet lah.. coz i mis my blog soooo much... my net is still not up yet.... but i tink for now... it is good without the net at home.. so tat i can concentrate more on my studies... (hope so..).... it is like another exactly one more wk... to my EXAMS....... argh... tis exam will finalise if i can make it to year 2... i hope i will.... seriusly... i am reali scared... but wif studies.. i hope i can make it... hehehe... den for my buddy.. another one more wk... juz relax... after tat one wk... u are free like a bird.... eh... but not reali too free rite?? olevels are looking 4 u.... but... KEWLZ... coz jihan noe tat u can do it... hahaha..GoOd lUcK 4 uR SyF BuDdY... for the rest of my frenz... i reali hope and sincerely hope tat u al will make it year 2... and hope tat u all will pass ur exams with flying colours...den we will make it together to yr 2... noe wat... we have not even started exams.. and here hidayat goes... asking us if we wanna go out after the last paper... relax lah yat... after the paper... u go and solat jumaat... den we kluar samer2 okiez?? skarang kene blajar dulu... and for minah... sowie for wat had happen and hope such conflicts wun happen again.... coz as a saying goes... 'AIR DICINCANG TIDAK AKAN PUTUS...' betul tak?? hahaha... and for yun.. thanks for everything... thanks for being there on tat dae wen i and minah needed u... u are such a nice fren... and for tini... hope u change ur behaviour and tat pple wil not 'run' away from u... i mean avoid u lah... i will still be there if u need me.. even though i noe tat ur guy will be there for u alwayz...
Ok LaH... nEeD To gO NoW..WaNnA StUdY... sEe yA SoOn... *.....*.....*sMiLeZ aLwAyZ*.....*.....*
Written By Nurjihan,♥ 3:21 AM
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*...*...*JoUrNaL 4*...*...*
Saturday, April 30, 2005
hey guys... i am back again...
i wanna continue wif the 2nd part of the poem
tis 2nd poem has a bit of twist...
hhmm... tat is wat i tink lah...
so.. here's the 2nd part....
for 4 years now i have fallen in love wif you i guess it was hard for you to accept the fact i dun care wat people say abt me and you all i know is tat a fact will remain a fact
it is easy for people to just fall in love but it is hard for people to fall in a sincere love i am sincere about tis love but i dun noe how you feel about tis love
there are so many words to explore but i choosethe word LOVE i hope i will find the true meaning but i have yet to i still dun get the reason why you have to reject tis love why muz tis fact always remain a dream
people have always tot tat we were couple we both look so happy being wif each other everyday i have always smiled upon hearing the word couple in my heart hoping tat it would come true one day
my heart has only one name carved on it tat is how special you are in my life now tat i have to bear the pain uncarving it i could not replace tat special person in my life
now i am ready to sit and tink words are easier to be said than to be done uncarving it is not as easy as you tink
i finished up all my homework wif you and now we are all done i guess i have no choice but to forget the memories i had wif you i dun noe how but it has to be done
i have always questioned myself 'why me?' why did i hurt myself to uncarve your name i have never lost hope in having you to love me but i hope you will not be too late tat i have uncarved your name
people have always come up to me telling me to smile and be cherful again oh GOD please help me could YOU juz make me smile once again
i have nvr been able to sleep in peace... without tinking of him... he is always in my mind... and it reali hurts to remember our memories we had together... yesterdae nite... i could not sleep till 2am... coz i was onli tinking of him... i could not forget his smile.. his laughter... and his jokes... neither can i forget his caring-ness.... his concern and his kind-heartedness... i reali miss you....
tat is the end of my poem... you are all welcome to drop any comments on my tag board... thanks for reading.... sowie if tis poem is boring... see ya all next time... bubbyez... and take carez ya... smilez alwayz...^_^
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 10:55 PM
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*...*...*JoUrNaL 3*...*...*
Friday, April 29, 2005
hey people out there...
how are yoou guys doing huh??
hope you guys are fine...
for those who are not feeling well...
for example my buddy...
take carez okiez....
dun forget to eat your medicine...
niwaes... i wanna dedicate tis poem tat i wrote...
till 2am... for someone special in my life...
reali special....
and if the poem is not nice....
you all are welcome to give your comments...
i am open to hear any comments...
whether it is positive or negative...
there are 2 parts of the poem
and here's how the first part of the poem goes....
i was only fourteen... when i got to know you... things doesn't seem the way it's been... having you around me...
babies are cute especially when they eat jelly but when the cry, they disturb mum and dad you came into my life when i was lonely started out as frenz but ended up more than tat...
a picture of you and me is in a frame always wondering when should we meet wheneva you were around me... my heart always skip a beat
wheneva i dream of you and me wheneva i am lonely or down you were always there for me
life is so precious wif you around me life now carries more meaning to me even though we were more than frenz we are not steady but juz special frenz tis is the end of my first part of the poem.... the second part is on my next journal... see ya... bubbyez.... take carez....^_^
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 10:12 PM
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*...*...*JoUrNaL 2*...*...*
Thursday, April 28, 2005
helo... i am back again... haiz.. wonder wen will my attatchment starts... so so bored sitting at home... always argue wif my sis.... den
yesterday was my youngest sis birthday... did not noe wat to buy for her.... first ting i am broke... den second ting... i have not been going out from house for quite a while.. den decided to buy her a chocolate... and it comes wif a card... which i did till 1am.. haha... drew her favourite cartoon character.... powerpuff gals... bubbles... since my art is not so good.. haha...guess wat.. i juz trace it out of a book... but i coloured it beautifully..... reali... i cut it out.. den pasted it on the original card tat i wanna give her... wow... it reali look nice lor...den waited for my dad to come home to celebrate her burfdae... waited...and waited... and waited... haiz... i have yet to his shadows even... we all waited till 11.30pm... her burfdae is almost over... pity her.. but we still celebrated.... we sang her a birthdae song... den in a split second.. everything went ugly.... my elder sis and younger sis were fighting... well not physically but verbally... den both disappeared from the table... den my parents started scolding... and scolding... den gave my sis her gift.. den ask her to sleep... coz it was 12.00 already.... i stayed up till 2... i watched ER and TRU calling.... tis 2 shows rocks lots...
niwaes.... i am supposed to go to east coast park.. together wif gen..jian hao..joanna.. yue ning and all... but... it was raining... and my mum as usual... was scolding.... i did not have the heart to go out lah... it wasn't nice to go out wen she is in a bad mood... of all people.. it have to be me tat she needs to scold rite.. and out of all dae.. it muz be todae tat has to rain rite.. haiz... it is juz my luck... GOD juz doesn't allow me to go beach todae... den decided to go back to skool wif jo and jian hao... since not going beach... we all juz decided to hang out in skool.... here i am in skool now... haha see lots of year ones.... we are now year 2 liao....(insya allah lah...)
k lah... better go now.. tink i will write a short journal onli... coz for the pass few journals... they were like damn long... sowie for those who read it... but i juz have to let the unhappiness out... thanks for those who read my blogs... and those who tag on my tagboard.. thanks so much.....
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 2:46 PM
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*...*...*JoUrNaL 1*...*...*
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
helo there... i am back again... sowie coz i have not been blogging in for quite some time... have been sick lately.... my nose... like a leaking water pipe.... and den cough... and making it worst... i had my asthme attack... luckily it is juz a minor one... haiz.... all tis muz be the result of the stress i had recently.... niwaes... my holidays have not been so fun as i have always wanted it to be... problems are the one who accompanied me all the way so far during my holidays... isn't tat boring....
den... most of the times at home... doing wat?? haha... cleaning the house... den sitting in front my computer... hahaha... but the computer always gives me problem... now you guys see wat i mean by problems are the one accompanying me.... problems of the computer... den problems at home... den problems of my heart...(should noe wat i mean by tis har...)
hey.. noe wat happened... i did not expect my buddy to actually do something tat would make me worry and sad... he wanted to end his life.... haiz... i tot onli i will take tat kind of actions... wen i read his blog... i suddenly recalled back wat happened during my secondary life... the dae wen i tried to end my life....well if not ending my life.. maybe juz getting myself injured.... i could not stand all the problems any more... there were reali lots of problems i faced during tat period of time.... and i could not face the fact tat such problems are reali happening... well you all may say tat i am stupid... doing something without thinking... but i was reali stressed out at tat point of time... i sat in my room... the usual place which gives me comfort... and used the pen knife.... to slash my hands... i juz continue to injure myself... the side opposite my palms... it was reali pain.... there were lots of slashes there... my wrist... i onli slashed like 2 coz.. there was 2 painful... well... i could not tink... den i juz dropped the pen knife... and was wondering wat i was doing.....i cried... and cried.... but sliently... no one noes.... i den wiped off the blood... den calmed myself down.. and went to sleep.... well... tinking back... can say... i reali took a stupid action... did it without tinking.. hahaha....
now... a promise is being made between me and my buddy.... no more stupid actions should be taken... tink b4 doing anything..... dun becoz of someone tat you love... but no response from them... you should end your life... if the person dun care abt you.... y should you end your life... it juz proves to them tat... all tis while.. wat they tot of you is true... YOU ARE WEAK AND USELESS..... well... tis is wat i concluded for myself.....
kkzz... got to go now... see ya soon.....
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 3:58 PM
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*...*...*Me aGaIn*...*...*
Saturday, April 23, 2005
hey there... it's been quite a while since i blogged in... have been stressed lately... maybe tat's y i get angry and emotional easily... haiz...
yesterday... went out wif my sec skool frenz... at last i could get out of my house... met them and went for religious class... den after tat... we went for our lunch... at LJS.... sat there for abt 1 and 1/2 hours.... we ate and chat at the same time.... den... tired of sitting... we walked around TM and CS... we didn't reali looked inside the shope...coz we were so engrossed in our talking... haha.. den... we didn't noe where to go coz we still have some more chatting to do... we had lots of updating of ourselves to do... since we have not for quite a long time... den after tat... one of them.. fasha... she had to go home...so..it is onli left with the 3 of us... decided to go to the nearest mosque..MASJID DARUL GHUFRAN to pray... waited for MARGHRIB...den we headed to the BK... bought ourselves each a drink..(me and my barley..hehe..) guess we are all tired of talking till we go thirsty.. hahahkz.. chatted and chatted.... one of them... suriani... she was sharing abt tis guy...they were both more den frenz... but den the guy told her tat it is better if they both remain as frenz... dun noe y... but she said tat the guy needs time...and tat he is stressed... haiz... wen she mention abt love... i get reali sad... now to me... the word LOVE..... is linked to DANGER
dun ask me y... she looked sad.. so i asked her y.... she said tat she could not forget the sweet memories they had together.... i still remember wat the other fren told me...whom is firah... she said tat...'MEMORIES ARE MEANT TO BE KEPT' but i asked y..... wat if the memories are very sweet yet it hurts if you have to keep it.... she told me tat... the decision lies in our hands.... if you tink you can bear the pain..and you dun wanna forget the memories... den keep it.. if you cannot.. den juz forget it...
till today... i am in a dilemma.... shold i keep those memories... those sweet memories... or should i juz forget abt it... but it is not easy for me to juz forget it juz like saying ABC.... but if i keep those memories.... it juz hurts me if i remember abt it... how?? how??
the sadness abt the topic is still in me... my heart beats reali fast... and tat it reali feels heavy... till i reach home... i juz kept quiet all the way... dun feel like talking... den wen i reach home... my sec 2 sis... whom have been rude to me.....alwayz...... started mumbling...nagging...abt me using the comp... y muz she find fault in me... all day... it was quiet..not hearing her voice...not fighting and arguing wif her... and the moment i reach home... she starts again..... ARGH...... i hate it ok...
i tink tat i have been stupid enough to be very kind hearted and being so good...and now she have stepped on my head... wen i am using the comp... she said tat she wanna use it in 5 minutes time... ok..i gave way to her... but wen it comes to her turn using the comp.. and i wanna use it... she will not allow... she will give me a straight answer at my face...'NO'.... and wen i say i am using it in 5 minutes... guess wat... she answered...'SO WAT... I WANNA USE THE COMP FOR ANOTHER 10 HOURS.....' i feel like i am a stupid sis and tat i have been fooled by her.... wat the shit man.... i cannot stand her anymore...... seriously.... am i being too kind...... am i being too stupid...(eh.. mayb i am already stupid..) wat am i supposed to do..... tat dae...(21/04/2005)..my elder sis and youngest sis argued or something lah... all i noe is tat i did not wanna interfere... and i did not wan any scolding as well.... so i went inside my room..(which is the safest and comfortable place especially wen i am down) had my dinner there and watched the TV.... all i noe is tat my mum were already shouting and scolding outside... i realli did not wan to interupt or wat... den.. my younger sis..the sec 2 one...came and asked me to get out..bear in mind tat is my room... i said i did not want...you all go and settle wif mum lah.. i dun noe anyting... guess wat happened next... she said'ENGKAU KLUAR SKARANK.. AKU CKP KLUAR KLUAR LAH....' rude rite... den the next moment... my mum went inside my room... started scolding me... wat did i do??? only god noes... haiz... i got scolding for notin... and my dinner... i didn't finish it.. appetite gone... den i msg my buddy..told him wat happened... he called me.. and consoled me... i feel so embarrased for the fact tat i was crying while talking to him.... haiz..... he is alwayz there for me... thanks so much.... appreciate it lots...
today...(23/04/2005) i am reali quite the whole dae.... i dun talk... and guess wat... i am also being treated as if i am invisible.... haha funny rite.... they all wanna leave the house... they did not even say a single ting to me.... i cannot force them to... but at the mostthey could do is say..'I AM GOING OUT'.... is tat difficult to say.... i can actually count how many words i said today.... haha... if i remain like tis the whole of next 2 weeks... i will be nuts...
got to go liaoz... hope you guys will pray for me tat i will not go nuts at home... and i reali cannot wait for my attatchment to come.. at least i wun see my sis.... see ya ard.. bubbyez
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 7:36 PM
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...*...*I aM BaCk*...*...
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
helo there.... i am here again to post a journal....
well... yesterday.. had a long chat wif my buddy... thru msn i mean...
told him my problems.... as usual... me and my problems...
den... he gave me advice... he such a counsellor...
thanks buddy.....
i tink and is still tinking....
how stupid could i be....
still waiting and waiting....
even after 1 year...
i nvr gave up...
and i have made up my mind....
i tink i better stop waiting...
coz the person i am waiting for....
will not appear in front of me....
i will nvr be able to accept the fact...
the fact tat i will have to forget him...
maybe... he has forgotten about me...
usually... girls are the one hurting guys...
but... for me..it is the guy tat is hurting me...
y muz i fall in love wif you??
y muz it be you....
and i noe you knew abt it....
and yet.... you gave me false hopes...
y is there a ting called love??
i juz dun understand...
you are the one tat gave me the courage....
the courage to continue on wif life....
everytime i have problems...
you were always there for me...
and the same goes to me....
everytime you had problems...
i am always there for you...
wen you did not come to school....
only GOD noes how worried i was...
wen you were injured...
i cried from inside...
i could feel the pain you are going thru...
we always had someting to talk about....
even to the extend of wat you wore last nite to bed...
i found it funny tat you had to tell me all tis...
but i tink it was ok... coz afterall...
we are very close....
i always made sacrifices for you...
reali especially for you...
i have always been scolded by my frenz...
and we all often argue wif each other...
and for your information...
it was all becoz of you...
they nvr liked you...
but i always denied all those bad things they said abt you...
everytime i heard you being insulted... and critisized...
me heart aches...
it reali does...
but you nvr knew abt it.... coz i dun wanna you 2 worry...
i always did wat you asked...
even to the extend tat i have to face my best frenz...
to the extend tat it will make my frenz unhappy...
but i will always console them... becoz i feel bad....
all i know is tat i have to make you hapi...
and after all tat i have done for you...
tis is wat you do to me??
for one long pathetic year....
i sat down and cried....
cried abt wat happened between us...
crying and hoping tat you will come and wipe my tears away...
but till today...
my tears is still rolling down my cheeks....
and i am still waiting for you to wipe it away...
waiting for you to console me and being there for me....
but you nvr came....
and the most hurting fact is tat...
there was not even a single msg from you...
a msg at least asking how am i....
i guess...you have deleted my number away from your hp...
i have yet the courage to delete your number...
something in me is telling me....'dun delete....'
i am waiting for a miracle to happen...
waiting for a year...
it juz feels like i have waited for a million years....
but... i guess the waiting have to end...
i have nvr imagined tis day to come...
the day where i have to delete your number...
the day where i have to forget who you are...
the day where i have to forget abt the sweet memories we had...
the day where i have to completely forget... who u are to me....
now i have to clear your name from my head....
hoping tat i will nvr remember abt you anymore...
i guess.....
tat day is today....
i am sick and tired of waiting....
waiting for a dream tat will nvr becoome reality...
all tis while... i wasted my time waiting for you....
and if you are reading tis...(which i bet you will nvr bother to...)
you muz be tinking tat i am reali stupid...
it is up to u....
you can call me wateva you wan...
you can call me stupid...
silly....
fat hopes......
idiot....
dream on....
say wateva you like...
coz i tink it is your mouth and tat i have no right to stop you...
and i noe i will nvr have the right to....
let all tis juz be memories to you and me...
wait... i dun even tink you wanna remember abt it...
juz forget it... neither will i remember you...
i will promise myself tat you will be a history to me...
maybe more like a pain and hurting history....
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 5:04 PM
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....argh....
Monday, April 18, 2005
ARGH........... i juz feel tat the whole world hates me.... maybe they tink tat i am a burden to them.... i dun blame them... coz i hate myself even... haiz.....
todae... went out wif me couzin and yat... well after a long week of exams and stress... tot tat i wanted a break and relax myself... so they asked me if i wanted to follow them to catch a movie and to go window shopping... so i tot it was a good idea after all.... so ya.... went out quite early... about 7.45...... den took bus 65 and reached heeren at about 9.15 like tat... den followed yat bought the tickets to 'guess who..' and den had breakfast together at BK..... den watched the movie... in the movie theater, i received a msg from my sis telling me tat my mum is angry with me.... i dun noe why lah... but she told me for the fact tat i went out quite early and ya... i tink so... den later i had 5 miss calls.... and guess from who?? my mum... haiz... and not onli tat... i received 2 msgs.... also from my mum.... i have been like onli 4 hours out and i got tis from her..... wat man..... den i called her back... while in the movie... den she ask me wat time i going home... i have not even finish having fun wif my frenz....and she is asking me wat time i am going home.... wateva... i told her tat i am going abt 4 plus...she told me to go home asap... coz she have something urgent and afraid tat she might not have the time to take my youngest sis home... den she ask me where i am... i told her i am in a movie theater... and she sounds unhappi.... i asked her... is it wrong for me to enjoy wif my frenz once in a while?? i feel like i am in a cage... and tat i have to be at home all the time... i reali feel embarrased for the fact tat i have not actually stepped into the esplanade... funny rite.... den wen i reached home... and my parents reached home too... my dad kept on talking abt responsibilities... and tat if u noe how to plan wif ur frenz wen and where to meet to go out and enjoy... you muz also noe how to clean the house...b4 leaving juz now... i remembered wat my mum told me... on the flask and on the rice cooker... i di those things and i also cleaned my room.... i am responsible and i noe wat i have to do... my dad keeps on talking abt tat... i get frustrated coz tis is like onli my first time going out wif my frenz... tinking tat i can enjoy and have fun after a long and tiring week of exams.... he actually implemented some rules and i feel tat it is unfair for me... coz my elder sis and my younger sis had irritate them more den i do... and wen i go out wif my frenz for the first time in tis year...(as in reali go out and enjoy for the whole day)he is angry...my elder sis have actually went out wif her frenz i tink like more den 100 times den me...and wen she goes out wif her fren... she always leave the house in a rush... and nvr does the household chores..(maybe in 100 times.. she only does like 3 times... and tat is also wif my mum nagging...) b4 leaving the house juz now... i actually cleaned my room and remembered wat my mum always reminded me to do... and tat is to switch on the switch for the flask and rice cooker... i did... and they are still not happi wif me... i dun noe wat they wan from me and i dun noe wat i am going to do... all i noe is tat they dun understand wat i wan and they have yet to understand me... they dun noe wat is in my heart...i tried my best to please them... and to please everyone around me... but it seems like i always fail.... y????? am i named 'THE FAILURE??' I JUZ HATE ALL TIS TINGS....
lately... i get stressed very easily and tat i get angry quite easily too... i noe it is bad for my health... but i juz cannot stand it... everyone around me have something against me...argh... tis is so irritating u noe... no one noes wat i want.... and no one understands me... but they expect me to understand them and please them?? all tis sucks...(sowie for my language.,.. but i juz cannot stand it anymore...) lets call it a journal already... i am sick and tired of tis ting... the more i tok abt it... the more i feel like crying.... see ya guys soon... hope tis journal is not boring...
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 7:10 PM
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*...*...*MuAcKz*...*...*...*
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Helo there... i am back again... i am feeling great today... had plans to go out with hadayat today... but ooppsss... decided to cancelled it... coz i going out with my family... den noe where... but all i noe is tat we are going out... i feel bad coz we had to cancel the dance work last minute.... coz... first of all.. i could not find pple to accompany me and yat...(sowie yat...) i asked my secondary school frenz... but all were busy... but i tink they wanted to go... but tis plans were all last minute... i also asked my buddy... but he had to study(i tink study is more important than tis dance ting) well... he said sowie coz he cannot make it.. its ok... then asked nurul but she were busy... she apologized too..... called joanna... but no one pick up...den ask my elder sis coz she loves all tis dance tingy... but too bad... she had to study for her exams...(not like me... mine is over...wwwhahahahaha...opps... sowie..) den it is only left wif me and yat... and he is not comfortable wif it... ya so i tink let's juz call it off as i also going out wif me family... i reali feel bad for the fact tat yat is so excited to go for tis dance work... den could not find pple... and have to cancel it last minute... reali sowie yat... sowie... sowie... sowie... sowie... sowie... sowie... sowie...sowie...sowie...sowie...sowie.........
niwaes... we still have plans to go out tis monday rite?? cannot wait t0 enjoy... hahaha...hope it will be an enjoyable day... so looking foward to going out on tat day... coz we going to watch movie... the story tat i like so much.... 'GuEsS WhO.....' hahaha... love tat story so much...
hahaha... now it is holiday time... having 3 weeks break... den 7 weeks attatchment at CGH... and den 1 more week of break... den... school starts again... so excited to go for attatchment again... coz we will be meeting patient again... but it also means more work... and more stress... coz our lecturers will be going with us to the hospital... checking on our skills.... see if we are ok... haiz.... so scared.... niwaes...wen skool opens... we were all be YR 2 STUDENTS...... kewl yar.... hahaha... we will be yr 2 and we have juniors already... hehehe... we are not the juniors anymore... but 11 weeks of not seeing and meeting my frenz???? so bored without my frenz... i will feel so lonely...
this is especially for those who read my blogs...
minah: hope we will be meeting each other in yr 2...(kalo ko tak suke sudah...hehehe...) but for me... having a cousin in the same skool... and lagi2 in the same course... in fun and we can study together... isn't it cool?? hahaha... and tis is for u... ur favourite word....'WATEVER'...oh ya... hapi holidays too....
hidayat: hope to see you 2 in yr 2....have a wonderful holiday... and hope we can blajar same2 and having fun together with minah... sowie abt today... the dance work... and hope we have a nice day tis monday...
yun: have a fun holiday... and hope to see you too in year 2... we will both make it together...insya-allah... coz you are not my baseline... and i hope i am not your baseline too... hahha...
fiqz: have fun studying and hope u do well for your mid-year exams and ur prelims and your olevels... thanks for all the support you gave me... and thanks for being there wen i needed someone... and dun forget to smilez alwayz...
oh ya.... tis song tat i change... thanks to yat.. he changed for me... nice rite the song?? tis is my favourite song manz.... the song is so nice... remind me of someone.... haiz...nvr mind lah... all i noe is tat everything happens for a reason... and tis is all GOD'S fate... and with ppl like you guys around me... life is much more worth it... bubbyez... see ya around... ^_^
...*WrItTeN bY JiHaN*...
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 6:24 PM
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....*yeppi*....
Friday, April 15, 2005
yoooohooo..... anione home?? jihan's here... and i am happi... coz... exams are over... yahooooo.... exams are stressing and it is over... but waiting for the results are also stressing.... aiyo... how leh... hope can pass... tried my best already... so hope my efforts will be paid off.... like how my buddy's efforts are being paid off.... they got a gold medal... cool rite... den my secondary school frenz are going to have a reunion together... sort of lah... gather back all the 5 of us... the good frenz...ha... so happi... at last get to meet them back.. after such a long time....
hey.. gtg now... my mum calling me home already liao... so...see ya later at nite... will be blogging in again...
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 11:01 AM
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*...*hey there*...*
Thursday, April 14, 2005
hey... i am back... but should be gone reali soon... can feel tat my body is starting to ache a lot lately... den my throat is very painful.. and keep on coughing... my nose also running... hope it is juz a normal flu becoz of stress... and hope it will go away reali soon... coz i dun wanna be sick after my exams... i wanna enjoy...
todae..the bio paper... it was ok lah... manage to do it lah... expected it to be reali hard... and i reali mean DIFFICULT... but over all... it was ok... i actually stayed up till 4am to study.. coz i am slow... and i need more time to get the facts in my brain... slept at 4.15... den woke up at 5... argh... very sleepy... could not wake up... but forced myself to... den in the bus... i reali cannot take it already... i slept... coz eyes were heavy... and my head were spinning.... den reach skool... got a comment from my fren..."u look like u nvr sleep yesterday..." i was like.. ya... i onli slept like for 1 hour or so... niwaes... now bio finish... left with 1029... tis subject more on calculation... hope i can do it... haha.. gtg now.. wanna continue go and study... bubbyez... see ya.... and dun forget to... Smilez Alwayz...^_^
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 7:07 PM
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*...*...*LoVe hUrTs*...*...*
Friday, April 08, 2005
helo... i am back here again... how are you guys... (who are reading my blog...) hope you guys are fine... niwaes... my life lately... has always been... dun noe how 2 discribe it..but wat i noe rite... i keep on thinking about him... it has already been about 2 years since i have not met him... (except for hari raya lah..) i juz cannot forget about him... i reali miss him....
i dun noe how to discribe wat is in my heart.. but tis is the best i can do...
i have always said a little prayer.. hoping tat my dreams will take me there.. i have always been in love wif you... i guess you noe it but... you pretend.... pretend not to noe it.... you are filled wif ego... but even though... i dun mind it... i look thru your heart.. the positive side of it... and not the negative side of it.. but i guess you never looked thru my heart.. you knew i have always loved you.. but all you could do is... TO SAY GOODBYE... tat hurts a lot.. my heart has been sliced... only god noes how the pain is... but i still have the courage to go thru the pain... now.. i realise wat is behind your smile.. the smile tat is so sweet... you had actually broken my heart behind tat wonderful smile... now.. you have walked out of the door.. the door tat lead to my heart.. i cried so many daes and nitez.. but there were no massages or calls from you... which you always DID... i still remember how close we were.... we had spent enough time in school... but we bothe choose to continue spending time wif each other.. even wen we reach home.. till nite time... now... wen my heart has been broken... where are you... where are all the sweet massages tat you used to put a smile on my face.. you have broken my heart... so please unbreak it... you had made me swam in my own tears... so please uncry these tears.. you hurt me so many times... so please undo tis hurt.. life is so dull without you in my life... so please bring back joy to my life.. bring back my smilez.. without you, there would be no sun in my life.. without you, there would be no love in my life..... and without you... there would be no world left for me... i can find no one to heal the pain in heart.. maybe for the time being.... tis is wat i can say wat is in my heart... so far lah... love reali hurts ya... but for wat i noe... the theory of love.. it actually means something nice.. something tat will not hurt you... but from experiences... the theory does noe fit into it...i wonder.... and is still wondering....... written by: me and myself...
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 3:12 PM
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*...*...*iSi hAtiKu*...*...*
Wajahmu selalu ditatapi... terasa suatu kerinduan yang amat sangat di dalam hatiku ini... dahulu bilaku kesepian... bilaku dihanyut oleh ombak nan resah.. dikau lah yang mengubatinya... dikau selalu disisiku bila ku memerlukanmu... kata-katamu selalu yang manis-manis sahaja... kata-katamu lah yang selalu menyejukkan hatiku... dan kata-katamu lah yang selalu menenangkan hatiku ini
tetapi itu semua dahulu... dahulu lah yang aku inginkan sekarang... aku rindu masa dahulu kita... bilakah agaknya masa dahulu kita akan kembali...
dahulu kau mengubati hatiku yang terluka... tetapi sekarang.. kau lah yang melukakan hati ku... tetapi mengapa?? itu lah soalan yang aku tertanya-tanya... dari dahulu hingga kan sekarang... mengapa seseorang boleh berubah hinggakan hati ku terluka... luka nya terlalu amat sangat... hatiku telah dihiris-hiris... oleh siapa?? oleh nya yang pernah mengubati hatiku dahulu...
sanggupkah seseorang menjawab soalanku... yang lama telah berada di dalam hatiku... mengapa dia berubah? aku tak dapat melupakan nya.... aku masih merinduinya... hingga ke hari ini.. kembalilah kepadaku.... sayangilah jiwa ini yang telah terluka... terluka yang amat sangat aku mohon..aku mohon... ...CiNtAmU yAnG pErNaH KaU BeRi..mAsIh dI DaLaM mEmOrIkU... WriTTEn By... Me aNd mYsElF...
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 7:44 AM
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Monday, April 04, 2005
YA ALLAH YA RAHMAN YA RAHIM, Lindunglilah dan peliharakanlah kami, kedua ibubapa kami, suami kami, anak-anak kami, kaum keluarga kami termasuk adik-adik dan kakak kami dan jugak abang kami, kawan-kawan kami & semua orang Islam dari azab seksa api nerakaMu YA ALLAH. Sesungguhnya kami tidak layak untuk menduduki syurgaMu YA ALLAH, namun tidak pula kami sanggup untuk ke nerakaMu YA ALLAH.Ampunilah dosa-dosa kami, terimalah taubat kami dan terimalah segala ibadahdan amalan kami dengan RAHMATMU YA ALLAH......AMIN.....
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 2:43 PM
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*...DeAr fReNz oF MiNe...*
*...fOr mY FrEnZ...* Well... helo there... hey.. i feel tat tis way of typing is so boring... my old way ws better.. but some people juz complain about the typing saying tat it is very weird... wat onli... but.. i tink.. it is easier for them to read.. nvr mind lah.. hehehe... niwaes... i am now in skool... came back for a 1 and 1/2 hour remedial.. den now planning to study till 9pm..but have not start yet lah.. coz i mis my blog soooo much... my net is still not up yet.... but i tink for now... it is good without the net at home.. so tat i can concentrate more on my studies... (hope so..).... it is like another exactly one more wk... to my EXAMS....... argh... tis exam will finalise if i can make it to year 2... i hope i will.... seriusly... i am reali scared... but wif studies.. i hope i can make it... hehehe... den for my buddy.. another one more wk... juz relax... after tat one wk... u are free like a bird.... eh... but not reali too free rite?? olevels are looking 4 u.... but... KEWLZ... coz jihan noe tat u can do it... hahaha..GoOd lUcK 4 uR SyF BuDdY... for the rest of my frenz... i reali hope and sincerely hope tat u al will make it year 2... and hope tat u all will pass ur exams with flying colours...den we will make it together to yr 2... noe wat... we have not even started exams.. and here hidayat goes... asking us if we wanna go out after the last paper... relax lah yat... after the paper... u go and solat jumaat... den we kluar samer2 okiez?? skarang kene blajar dulu... and for minah... sowie for wat had happen and hope such conflicts wun happen again.... coz as a saying goes... 'AIR DICINCANG TIDAK AKAN PUTUS...' betul tak?? hahaha... and for yun.. thanks for everything... thanks for being there on tat dae wen i and minah needed u... u are such a nice fren... and for tini... hope u change ur behaviour and tat pple wil not 'run' away from u... i mean avoid u lah... i will still be there if u need me.. even though i noe tat ur guy will be there for u alwayz...
Ok LaH... nEeD To gO NoW..WaNnA StUdY... sEe yA SoOn... *.....*.....*sMiLeZ aLwAyZ*.....*.....*
Written by Nurjihan,♥ 3:21 AM
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Author
I can't be you
The name is NurJihan Binte Abdulla.
The Age is 21,was borned on 6March1987.
The patience Nurse.
Contact me @ jihan_five@hotmail.com.
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